Divergence
by Zentrodie
Summary: Evangelion Onegai Teacher. Complete A freak accident during a weapons test leads Shinji to question reality and all things he knows about his life and reality as a whole
1. Experiments

Standard Disclaimer  
  
I know I should be writing more of my other fics but this idea has been stuck in my head for a long time now. I am going to start it, and work on it as well as all my others.time permitting.  
  
This is going to be an Evangelion/ Onegai Teacher cross over so.hope you stay with it and like it.  
  
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Divergence Chapter One - Desperate Times  
  
Ritsuko was growing nervous and time was growing short. Gendo had insisted that she develop a new weapon to assist in the defeat of the angels. The last angel had shook Nerv mentally. Nobody had suspected that one angel could become two. The cross synchronization of pilots had worked to defeat it, but what if it hadn't worked?  
  
That's why Gendo had insisted Ritsuko either develop herself or attain a new weapon that would insure they lasted long enough for the Human Completion Project to be completed.  
  
It was not proceeding well. Not being an engineer herself, Ritsuko had to rely on outside assistance for such a weapon. While she was receiving a great deal of replies, none of them were going to work. They were either to weak to penetrate an AT field, too costly, or too improbable.  
  
Desperation was sinking in, and now the crazy ideas were getting second notice. She had to find something for Gendo or he may not even call her for their late night sessions. She knew she was hardly a mote in the man's eye, but she could try to gain his love, and by succeeding she could hope.  
  
"Virus gun.how asinine!" She bellowed as she tossed the folder into the trash. 'Special at field nullifying bullets, dimension warps, a laser.how original. What is wrong with these people! Wait.' Ritsuko stopped and re- examined the folder in her hand.  
  
"A singularity cannon," she read the prospected readouts for such a weapon if it proved successful. "That could work."  
  
------------  
  
Work on the singularity cannon preceded quickly. They meet only a few actual delays on the project and three weeks after they began, a working prototype was ready for testing. However a problem did arise from that.  
  
"I won't let you use Shinji as a guinea pig for your damn gun!"  
  
Misato, Ritsuko was expecting a small amount of apprehension from her friend not this much however.  
  
"We need him to Misato! We don't have any other choice. We need an Eva unit to do it, Unit-01 still has the power hook ups from the 5th angel, it's the perfect choice."  
  
Not buying Ritsuko's excuse, "Power hook-ups, why is that important?"  
  
Doubting Misato would understand the physics of a black hole, Ritsuko opted for lames terms, and "To power the prototype we need a large amount of power more so than a battery could provide. So we're going to set up a power grid to the cannon using the pre-existing hook-ups on Unit-02."  
  
Understanding slowly started to form on the Captain's face, "Will Shinji be safe? What is it that this cannon will really do?"  
  
'Why is she so concerned about Shinji, yes he is a pilot but if this works we won't need more than one.' After directing a few subordinates to their final tasks, Ritsuko answered Misato, "Unit-00 is not developed enough to support the required outputs, and Unit-02 was designed to a specific frame work. If we added or subtracted from it, the Unit may stop operating."  
  
Misato stopped and looked at the prototype, and felt a cold chill, "I just don't want anything to happen to Shinji."  
  
Ritsuko couldn't stop herself from speaking, "What makes him so special to you, he's not your son, not your lover, he's just a tool you picked up to gain rank."  
  
Misato whipped her head back to face Ritsuko, while it was true that her original intent for Shinji was purely selfish, she now saw something in the boy. 'He's not a boy.not anymore,' she thought. "He's my ward and it's my responsibility to look out for his well being. Why don't we use Rei instead?"  
  
Ritsuko had thought of that, Shinji was growing in talent and it would be a shame to lose that, but this test required skills that Rei didn't have, and Asuka was untested in Unit-01 and they didn't have time to both test her and the cannon. So instead of addressing that question she attempted to bypass it.  
  
"Shinji will be fine. Don't worry. On a related note, how are things at your apartment with the addition of Asuka?" Ritsuko asked mainly to draw Misato's attention away from the upcoming test.  
  
Smiling, "Shinji's getting better. Asuka's not so bad once you get used to her. I think she may have a lil thing for Shinji."  
  
Ritsuko smiled at that, "How can you tell, they've only lived together for about a month now."  
  
"Call it women's intuition. She calls him names all the time, but its almost like a pet name kinda thing," Misato's face actually dropping a bit.  
  
The drop in her friend's consonance was not missed by the doctor, "You're not.jealous are you? Do we need to find Shinji a new guardian, one that one 'make passes' at him?"  
  
The rest of the conversation degraded into petty bickering.  
  
-----------------  
  
Shinji sat nervously in his entry plug. A huge cannon strapped around his Evangelion. He didn't know what to expect. He opened his video feed and saw Unit-02 and Unit -00 watching him from a distance. He was told they were there to insure safety, whose safety he didn't know.  
  
He had about an hour before the charge for the test was built up, so until then he was to just sit. He had already been sitting for two hours. He tried not to let the apprehension show on his face, but trace elements of it were evident. So when a video connection with his fellow pilot opened he wasn't surprised to hear.  
  
A red headed German stated, "You look like crap Baka. Try to calm down."  
  
Another window opened, its source the other unit on hand, "Ikari-kun you will be protected. There are fail safes in place to secure your life."  
  
"Yeah like Wondergirl said, you'll be fine."  
  
Shinji could only think, would they be fine if they had a black hole generator strapped to their unit? He said he'd try to calm down and not worry. Misato listened over the comm to the pilots talk. She was relieved that Shinji had in fact calmed down a degree, and that the others were their.  
  
She didn't want anything to happen to Shinji, or any of the other pilots. Safely in the Geofront, twenty miles away from the test site she had her fingers crossed. 'If this does work, he won't have to fight anymore.'  
  
Asuka was nervous; she was starting to grow fond of his rather puny boy. He was skinny, shy, and overly apologetic, but not a bad person. She was slowly starting to enjoy his company more and more, she'd never admit to this of course. So she called him 'baka' as a pet name. She only wondered what life was like at the Katsuragi apartment before she arrived.  
  
Rei watched the form of Unit-01 like a nervous mother. She had a sense of foreboding deep within her that she couldn't explain. She felt that Shinji was in danger, but her obligation as a pilot forbid her from any action. So she watched and hoped that Shinji would be safe. Her feelings would have matched that of a concerned mother.  
  
Each participant waited for the inevitable test to commence, and each dealt with their anxiety in their own way. And the time marched on.  
  
---------------  
  
"Ok Shinji. When we give you the signal pull the switch and depress the button. The switch acts as the failsafe, if something goes wrong let go of it," Ritsuko informed the boy. However she didn't tell him that she had paid the techs to not truly install the failsafe. She was so desperate for success she would sacrifice the boys life for it.  
  
"I understand, what am I to shoot at?" came the boys reply.  
  
Activating a console next to her, a 1/1-scale replica of the 3rd angel appeared not 500 yards from Shinji's position. "That. Test will commence in one minute."  
  
Even though he was surrounded by LCL his lips felt dry, his stomach clenched. Something felt off. He felt as if something within him was accelerating. He felt the cannon's internal components begin to churn and build up a charge.  
  
Part of the boy was saying its goodbye's to his friends and even his father. Unit-01 began to vibrate under the power being used by the cannon. As he waited for the signal, he thought of Rei, the girl felt familiar to him, as if she was something that was taken from him a long time ago, something so very familiar.  
  
He thought of the new girl he had met, Asuka. She was.unique. Not the bitch that people often claim her to be. In Shinji's mind, she was a scared girl that tried to hide her fears by using her temper. 'Just a variation of my own running away,' he thought. He liked Asuka, not like he felt for Rei, it was something else.  
  
And finally Misato. He didn't know what to think of the woman that took him in. At first he thought she was just using him. Then he thought of her as a sister. But now, things weren't so clear. His thoughts were pulled away from him as Ritsuko's voice pierced through them.  
  
"Fire Shinji!"  
  
Willing Unit-01 to draw back the lever in its hand and depress the button. All viewers watched as electricity danced around the mighty defender.  
  
Ritsuko held her breath as she viewed the on-screen display of the test. The singularity was forming, all that was required now was to fire it, but something drew her attention. Not only was the singularity forming, it wasn't being contained as it was supposed to be.  
  
The nature of the cannon was to form a microscopic black hole, contain it, use high-energy electrons to displace it to the desired location, and then dissipate. What the test was showing was that the singularity was leaking out of the status field. Space-time was warping now only within the cannons internal structure, but all around Unit-01.  
  
'Damn.this could be a major disaster, but I've gone to far to back out now,' the doctor thought as she watched the build-up continue.  
  
Shinji felt himself being torn and compressed at the same time. He was told that the weapon would have already discharged by now, yet it hadn't. His body was losing feeling, he wanted to cry out in pain, but he couldn't find his voice. Pain rocked his frame as the singularity continued to leak out and grow.  
  
He willed Unit-01 to push the lever back into place and in-act the failsafe, however after he did, the upwelling didn't stop. 'Am.I going to die?' was the last thought Shinji had before blackness enveloped him.  
  
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As soon as the blackness overtook him, it was gone; instead he was standing in a classroom. He couldn't explain how he had arrived at this classroom, or had changed into a school uniform.  
  
"Am I dead?"  
  
"Dead, no silly. You're not dead. You've finally stopped being in that dream world of yours," a voice defiantly female said to him.  
  
He turned to face the voice but when he did, he couldn't identify the source. It appeared to be a girl but her eyes."Your eyes.they don't have any color."  
  
And in truth her eyes were without any actual color, the color of her face seemed to have flooded the whites and the irises of her eyes.  
  
"Kei, or is it Shinji now. You're a bad person. You're selfish." her words slowly being drowned out as Shinji's vision faded to white.  
  
----------------  
  
Opening his eyes again, he felt himself in a bed. 'That was an odd dream, I must have passed out during the test.' Glad to be alive, Shinji sat up.  
  
He was in what looked like a different hospital room than before. It felt nicer, homier. A look to his right was a vision of loveliness. There sat a sleeping woman, a nurse Shinji suspected. The moonlight danced on her features. Her long dark pink hair, rather impressive bust line. He blushed as he compared her bust to Misato's and thought they were about even.  
  
He wondered why he had never met this nurse before, even though he spent so much time in the hospital. "Must be new."  
  
His voice caused the woman to stir and awaken. At seeing him sitting up, she rushed over to his side and hugged him fiercely, again Shinji was reminded of a certain woman who could hug a piece of coal into a diamond.  
  
He was shocked to feel tears washing down his shirt, 'She's crying?'  
  
"Miss.is something wrong?"  
  
Pushing back from him, "Miss? Kei don't you recognize me? Its Mizaho!"  
  
'Mizaho?' Something about the name caused a slight warming of his heart, "I'm sorry miss Mizaho I don't remember you. Where am I? Is Misato here?"  
  
Mizaho looked crushed, 'This has never happened when Kei 'withdrew' before.I need to get Minoru.'  
  
Before she torn herself away from him, "Kei, you lost your memories? I'm Mizaho Kusanagi, your wife."  
  
Shinji stared at the woman, the woman who had just cried her heart out, and he believed her, he didn't know why he did, but something about how she reacted, made him believe her. "I'm married.miss Mizaho, you called me Kei, my name is Shinji."  
  
Shock registered deeply on her face as a fresh bout of tears started to fall down her face, "This is terrible, what happened to you when you 'withdrew' this time? Please Kei, sit still why I get Minoru. He should be able to tell us what happened to you."  
  
With that Mizaho left the room, leaving Shinji in a state of confusion. 'I'm married? How can that be possible? I've never met that woman. Why does it feel right though? Who is this Minoru? Where is everybody else?'  
  
As he pondered the recent happenings, the door opened again and the light turned on. Before him was his father, but he looked different. Gone were the ever-present glasses and the Nerv uniform. The very air the man had about him was wrong, it wasn't cold and vile, and it was different.  
  
"Father?" Shinji meeped out.  
  
Minoru stopped, "Father? Mizaho he didn't hit his head when he 'withdrew' did he? Kei I'm your uncle, not your father."  
  
It was too much for Shinji to bear; he shook his head and started to cry. "What's going on? Who are you people? Somebody help me."  
  
Mizaho instinctively rushed to his aid and hugged him again, kissing his cheek and trying to sooth him. In re-assuring tones, "We'll get through this Kei, we will. I wont let you go."  
  
Holding to Mizaho like a lifeline, Shinji cried in frustration and fear. His life had changed again, and this time he had no idea what had truly happened.  
  
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Well there it is the first chapter.  
  
I'll go into more depth on the Onegai Teacher characters for those of you that don't know the show.  
  
And before you think this is just your average dump Shinji into another anime fic, you're wrong. Shinji will not stay in on 'anime' he will cross between the two. And I prompt you to think. Which reality is real for him? Is he Shinji or is he really Kei? Is he both?  
  
"withdraw" Kei when overly depressed goes into a state of shock where his body is in semi-comatose state, his cells don't age and his body is basically dead.  
  
Singularitis are the point in which space time is torn and a black hole is created.  
  
No prereading was done on this as I wanted a spontaneous reaction  
  
Will write more  
  
Ja mata  
  
Zentrodie (zentrodie@secondimpact.com www.darkscribes.org) 


	2. Refresher coarse

Standard Disclaimer  
  
Yes I know I shouldn't have started a forth story while I have three unfinished. I've been yelled at enough for starting "Fallible." But I couldn't stop myself. This idea was on my mind for such a long time I couldn't help it.  
  
I don't own Evangelion. I don't own Onegai Teacher. I just watched them, and enjoyed watching them.  
  
Shall we begin?  
  
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Divergence Chapter 2 - Refresher Coarse  
  
Mizaho, Minoru, and Konoha sat around the small coffee table. Worry was fixed on all of their faces. Kei had finally woken from his weeklong lapse into 'withdraw' but he wasn't the same.  
  
"He said his name was Shinji?" Konoha spoke.  
  
Mizaho nodded still drying her eyes, "He doesn't remember anything. Not are marriage, not how we met, not anything."  
  
'Poor dear, this must be terrible for her,' Konoha thought as her husband rocked slowly in his seat thinking. "This is tragic, especially after that trip to the ocean you just had."  
  
Mizaho didn't really mind that Kei forgot that. It didn't turn out how she had hoped it would. Instead of finally consummating their marriage, that stranger scared the life out of her. She was glad Kei didn't remember her crying her eyes out in fear.  
  
Venturing an idea, "Has anything like this ever happened to Kei?"  
  
Minoru joined the conversation, "No, nothing like this. The only thing that even remotely resembles this incident was when he 'withdrew' for those three years."  
  
"I see." was all Mizaho said as she lapsed back into silence.  
  
Konoha had an idea, "Why not just take Kei, calling him Shinji for now, back home and try to remind him. Talk about your past together. Go to places you've been before. Try to see if any of his memories come back."  
  
Seeing a spark reenter Mizaho's eyes, Minoru added, "It could work. His mind could have been in such a deep dream that his real memories became submerged in his subconscious. Some talking and." with a large smile, " something else you could jog his memory."  
  
He yelped in pain as Konoha pinched his backside with excessive force, "Anata, I think you miss judged your place in this discussion."  
  
Through the mild pain, "It doesn't matter now, we have company."  
  
Shinji stopped hiding behind the doorframe and entered the room, "Sorry for the trouble."  
  
Shinji wasn't have any easy time with this. He couldn't figure out why he couldn't wake up. It was obviously a dream. He could see the signs of the people he knew in those around him. 'Maybe I'm dead.'  
  
"It's no trouble Kei, I mean S-Shinji?" Konoha said as she looked to Mizaho for confirmation on the name change.  
  
'She's a new person,' Shinji thought as she looked at the long dark brown haired woman. That was until he saw how Minoru looked at her, 'He looks exactly like father, and Ritsuko is always with father so.could that be my dreams version of Ritsuko-san?'  
  
Bowing slightly, "Thank you for letting me use your bath, I really needed it."  
  
Minoru smiled broadly, nearly causing Shinji to faint because he never really saw his father smile that openly. "You can use the bath anytime, but wouldn't you prefer to use the bath in your own apartment? With your wife?"  
  
Shinji cast a look over at the now fully blushing Mizaho, 'That's right, in this dream I'm married to that woman.Mizaho. Why do I see Pocky when I look at her.'  
  
Konoha saw that extremely nervous look Kei now had on his face, "Honestly K- Shinji you should go home with Mizaho. It could help you remember things. You have about a month before school starts again. Hopefully you'll remember things by then."  
  
Nodding to the woman that had an odd sense of logic about her, all the more making Shinji think of Ritsuko, he relented. He apologized to Mizaho for any trouble, he didn't miss the flinch that the woman had experienced when he called her Mizaho, he didn't understand why. He meekly followed the woman out of the house, wishing the nice couple goodbye. 'That man that looks like father, he's my uncle I guess.'  
  
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Shinji was mildly surprised to learn that he didn't live miles away from the couple; he lived next door to them. He followed Mizaho up the few flights of stair and into their apartment. After a few awkward moments, the pair found themselves sitting on the floor across from each other.  
  
Shinji took a mental step forward, "I guess we should start then."  
  
The dark pink haired woman agreed, "Do you really not remember anything about us?"  
  
He shook his head, he couldn't say that he did, "Only thing that came to mind was Pocky, I don't know why."  
  
The mention of her favorite snack and mild obsession caused Mizaho's eyes to fly open in joy. "You do remember!"  
  
Again Shinji didn't understand, "What does a type of candy have to do with you?"  
  
Reaching behind herself, she pulled out a few boxes of the chocolate covered sticks. "They're my favorite snack."  
  
'Candy is her favorite snack? She's an adult. Wait a minute, how can we be married, I'm only fifteen.' He suddenly voiced that thought, catching Mizaho off guard.  
  
"You even forgot about your 'withdrawing?'  
  
Pain ripped through Shinji's skull, the mentioning of that word sent ripples of pain down his head and spine. Clutching his forehead and leaning over, Shinji tried to cope with the pain. He didn't have to do it alone Mizaho was holding him again. She led him to the bathroom and washed his face with a cold towel. It helped immensely.  
  
He thanked her and dried his face, and then it hit him. Staring back at him from the mirror was somebody that didn't look like him. His blue eyes were now light pink, his dark brown hair was now light, bordering on dirty blond. 'What kind of dream is this?'  
  
She lead him back to the living room, she was full of apprehension. 'Maybe I should just.just say it's a joke and let him go back to living a normal life. He doesn't remember the secret that caused us to marry.or his disease. He could have a normal life now.' Her thoughts triggering her happy memories with him, how she was now glad to be married to him, she started to cry.  
  
Instinctively Shinji wrapped her in his arms as she had done, he tried to calm the crying woman, suddenly his mouth started to work, images entered his head that weren't there before. Almost silently, "...Don't cry sensei."  
  
He didn't know where the words came from. They now seemed natural to him. 'What's happening to me?' he thought. The word had an immediate affect on Mizaho; she stopped crying and hugged him harder.  
  
'Kei called me that so his memory is coming back!' After she had calmed down a bit more, the pair decided a small walk would do them good. Mizaho wanted to show Shinji the city in which they lived not five miles. Shinji wanted time to think.  
  
His mind was in turmoil. He had memories now that weren't his own. They weren't many, but he understood that 'withdraw' meant. He knew that by 'withdraw' Mizaho meant a disease that his dream self had that when he was depressed his body stopped. Went into a deep slumber in which even his cells stopped aging. It had happened before when he was fifteen, stopping his life for three years, so he was eighteen and old enough to be married.  
  
'My body isn't the same, these people.Mizaho, Minoru, Konoha, they don't look like Misato, father, or Ritsuko but they act like them. Why can't I wake up?'  
  
Mizaho was watching Kei as they walked to the train station. He was quiet, very quiet. She was tempted to ask him what he was thinking, but figured that it was his attempt to either remember or at least understand what was going on.  
  
As they passed a lake, one that Mizaho had hoped would spark a memory from 'Shinji' it did. He stopped walking, even though he wasn't looking at the lake; he stopped in front of it.  
  
In Shinji's mind an image began to form, he could see this woman, this Mizaho in a black form fitting uniform. Like Misato's black dress but longer and covering her legs. She was floating above the water, her hair dancing like fire, and she was in a column of light.  
  
"You're an alien," it wasn't a question Shinji KNEW she was one.  
  
Smiling softly, "Only half, my father was from earth."  
  
Shinji nodded, knowing that she was telling the truth. He had experienced giant aliens trying to kill him, why not believe this dream woman's comments. "So how do people react to a student and teacher being wed? Let alone an alien teacher."  
  
Putting her finger to her lips and shushing him, "It's a secret Kei! We can't let others know. The principle forbid us from making it common knowledge."  
  
'Makes an odd form of sense.I mean he did find us in the utility shed.the utility shed.how do I know that?'  
  
Again said not as a question but as a fact, "You didn't want to marry at first."  
  
'This is happening so fast, he's remembering so quickly!' Mizaho was overjoyed. She'd have her Kei back soon. "No at first are marriage was a sham that was used to hid my alien heritage. You offered to wed me to hide my secret. But in time."  
  
Shinji's hand took hers and held it, 'what's wrong with being loved, even if its only a dream. Misato won't be upset if she doesn't find out I married a dream version of her.'  
  
Falling into a now comfortable silence the two walked the rest of the way to the train station. Mizaho had much to remind Kei of, but it could wait. She had waited for a week, a week of constant fear for him to return. He was now back, but changed, but she could adapt. For him she would.  
  
"When we get home I'll show you some photos they could help jog your memory."  
  
Smiling at the openly caring woman, Shinji would like that. He said under his breath, so low that Mizaho didn't hear, "Maybe this dream is better than reality."  
  
However he couldn't shake the impression that something was wrong. If this were a dream, why would everybody look different? Why would he look different? Finally, where were these memories coming from? He could see Mizaho in a wedding dress, he saw the ocean for some reason, and he a saw a tiny large headed thing with an inner tube.  
  
"Maria."  
  
Now that Mizaho heard. She'd re-introduce her helper robot and Kei when she got home, no reason to scare 'Shinji' with this.  
  
As they boarded the train, "Shinji, do you want to tell me about your dream? The one you had while you were in 'withdraw?'"  
  
He could see Mizaho was having a hard time calling him Shinji, but it was his name, "It's a long story, how about it wait until we get back to the apartment?"  
  
Noting how his eyes glazed over with sadness, she accepted his idea. 'Something about that dream scared him, he looks so sad.' She took his hand again and hoped he'd calm down a bit.  
  
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As they rode the train to town, Mizaho informed Shinji of why they kept their marriage a secret. She told him many things on that ride. She informed him about her mother and sister, their ruined honeymoon to the ocean, and many other small memories that she cherished.  
  
All during the ride, Shinji realized that he could see her words. He could remember such events happening. He saw them just as clear as he could see the 3rd angel attacking. He was growing more afraid. 'This is just too odd. I want to wake up now. I want to be back in Tokyo-3 with Misato, Asuka, Rei, and even father. This woman, she's so kind but it's not real. Its slow torture.'  
  
Mizaho saw Shinji looking down, "Kei?"  
  
In his usual low-key voice, "Sorry Mizaho-san, just thinking."  
  
Stifling a laugh, "Mizaho."  
  
"What did you say?" Shinji asked a bit confused.  
  
"You called me Mizaho, you used to only call me sensei. I'm glad you stopped. It was kind of weird."  
  
"I didn't want you to feel obligated to sta.y," Shinji put his hands over his mouth. He had felt that way. 'It's a dream only a dream! She isn't real, were not really married. I don't deserve to be happy like this.'  
  
In the empty train car, Mizaho leaned against her husband, "Its ok. I don't want to leave, and we are married. So keep calling me Mizaho. In private." She ended with a wink that caused Shinji to blush.  
  
----------------  
  
The train finally stopped at the station and the two travelers disembarked. Mizaho showed Shinji around the fairly nice sized city and was amazed that after about twenty minutes he seemed to know where he was going.  
  
Shinji simply walked where his feet carried him. He had an instinctive knowledge of the location. So much that he found it creepy. It was only due to the constant reassurance that Mizaho offered him that kept him from running back. He found that being with her was a lot like being with Misato when she wasn't in teasing mode.  
  
'This girl, this dream woman, loves me. Is it so bad to enjoy it? To be selfish and revel in the feeling of being loved and cared for?' He thought as they passed a short brown haired girl.  
  
Shinji stopped, he knew here. "Herikawa?" The name rolled off his tongue.  
  
Turning her head from the shop window, Herikawa saw Kei and Mizaho standing beside her.  
  
"Kei, what are you doing here, and with Mizaho-sensei?" she said with a smile.  
  
'Of all the people to run into, it had to be her.' Cursing her poor luck, Mizaho stepped in, "His guardians asked me to show him the town. Kei had an accident and lost part of his memory."  
  
Shocked the girl clung on the Shinji, "What you do to yourself this time baka?" her tone light hearted and cheerful.  
  
The work 'baka' and how the girl held herself. Poised and proud, happy yet withholding something. His body reacted before his mind, "Asuka."  
  
In unison, Mizaho and Koishi questioned, "Who is Asuka?"  
  
Shinji raised his hands in defense, "It was.something from my dream, sorry." He lied.  
  
Hoping to steal Kei away from the girl that vied for his heart, Mizaho separated the two. "Sorry Herikawa-kun, I have much left to talk about and show Kei-kun. If you'll excuse us."  
  
Shinji offered up an apology to the girl that he now identified as Asuka's dream copy. The girl nodded then came up with, in her mind, a great idea.  
  
"You can meet up with Ichigo, Kaede, Hyosuke, and Matagu later and we can help!"  
  
The names oddly familiar again to Shinji, he nodded. He'd play along for now. In a few 'hours' he should wake up and none of this would matter.  
  
Mizaho had lost her good mood, but she tried to hide it from Shinji. She said it was best that they go home now and she'd show him photos of his friends so he could identify them. Noting the hint of disdain in her voice, Shinji agreed and they left the city, after being there for only two hours.  
  
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The journey back was quiet except when Shinji asked Mizaho one question.  
  
"That girl, Herikawa. You don't like her talking to me. Do you?"  
  
She was dreading this event. She was hoping to keep that aspect of their relationship secret until Kei had a better handle on his memories. "I worry that you'll leave me for her. You two were friends for a while and I think she has feelings for you."  
  
After she said it, she felt better about it. She was always worried about Kei and Koishi. She never voiced that fear, but it existed. Now that she said it, they could deal with it.  
  
Shinji was now sure he was dreaming, 'A girl like Asuka that likes me. That could never happen. Plus, the dream Misato being nervous about loosing me of all people.'  
  
To ease the worried Mizaho, Shinji took her hand, finding it easier to do than before, "Don't worry .Mizaho. I won't leave you." He said while his mind said that he wouldn't leave until he woke.  
  
She nodded and gave his hand a squeeze. Something about how Kei was acting worried her a bit. 'Kei was never so shy about touching. He'd hug me, take my hand more.now he's almost afraid to touch me. Its as if he expects me to lash out at him at any moment. That dream of his, what did it do to him?'  
  
They arrived twenty minutes later at there shared home, neither speaking as each was thinking of how the 'dream' affected them. Shinji thinking he was in one and Mizaho thinking he had just escaped one.  
  
----------  
  
Pulling out the only photo album she had of earth pictures, Mizaho sat next to Shinji again. She noted mentally how he pulled away from her ever so slightly. 'He's terrified. Terrified of contact, physical or emotional. Kei I'll help you through this.'  
  
Looking at the pictures made Shinji feel at ease. Each one caused another small image to appear in his mind. Mizaho flipped through the book and would comment on the image that she had stopped on. That continued until she came to the wedding photo Minoru had taken.  
  
"You got so upset when you had to take it off.you even forgot to take off the tiara," Shinji said with a laugh.  
  
Joining his laughter, "That's right, it was so hard to explain it to your.friends.Kei?"  
  
Shinji looked at her, the memory of her standing before him in a wedding dress and their interrupted first kiss now fresh in his mind. Tears started falling down his face. "What's happening to me? Is this a dream of was my old life the dream.why can't I understand?"  
  
Finally Mizaho understood why Kei was acting oddly since he woke up. That dream he had was so real, so vivid, that he couldn't tell which was the dream and what was reality.  
  
"K," she stopped and remembered to use the other name, "Shinji, tell me about your dream. This other life."  
  
Stopping the brief stint of panic tears he had succumb to, Shinji told her everything. He told her about his father, Tokyo-3, the Evangelion, the Angels, Misato, Asuka, Ritsuko, his friends, his school, everything. His story went long into the night.  
  
During his tale, Mizaho had to stop and dry her own eyes, the story of the life Kei had in his dream was so sad and empty. She could see why he was afraid of her touching him. After he had finished she did hug him however, she couldn't help herself, she felt so bad for him.  
  
"Kei," she would help him to overcome this dream, and by calling him Shinji wouldn't help. "Kei, this is the real world. Want me to tell you why I know this?"  
  
About know, Shinji was willing to believe anything that would give him peace of mind, he nodded to Mizaho.  
  
"Think of it like this. This Misato person, in your dream she was your superior that you lived with. She was older and had a personality similar to mine. You left your parents here to help them, your resentment towards that is reflected in the dream parents. One being dead and the other cold hearted. I'm sure this 'Gendo' looks like Minoru because you can identify Minoru as a parental type figure."  
  
Shinji looked up at her, it made sense, maybe this was the real world and the other was the fake.  
  
"From what you told me, you had feelings for "Misato" that could be reflected in your feelings for me. Now add it all up. Both the dream and me had a position above you, you love her, and you live with her. Maybe you read a dirty magazine before you 'withdrew' and put my personality in her body."  
  
She ended that with a sly smirk that sent Shinji into a bout of blushing. "I'll let you think about it ok Kei? Now how about we go to bed."  
  
'Think about it, that is going to be a hard thing. I don't know if I did love Misato.maybe this Mizaho is right though.so much to think about." He nodded to Mizaho and stood to go to bed. He walked straight into the bedroom and climbed into the futon.  
  
It wasn't a minute later that Mizaho climbed in next to him, dressed in her nighty. Shinji did not expect that.  
  
"Mizaho-san what are you doing?"  
  
"Going to bed, we share a bed remember? We are man and wife."  
  
'This is going to take some getting used to. If this is the dream.I hope Misato forgives me for.sleeping with her. Even if its simply sleep.' So his thoughts were final and he resolved to go to bed next to Mizaho. He could think of worse things than that.  
  
Mizaho closed the short distance between the two of them and kissed him lightly on his lips. "Goodnight Kei, and we'll get through this. Just don't shut me out."  
  
Still in shock from the kiss, Shinji nodded, 'This is indeed a strange situation.'  
  
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Author notes.  
  
Well second chapter done. This chapter was mainly to help introduce Onegai Teacher to those who haven't seen the show. I think I kept the characters in-character. Hope you liked it.  
  
Questions welcome, Idea's welcome, flames.well never did like them  
  
Ja Mata  
  
Zentrodie (zentrodie@secondimpact.com www.darkscribes.org) 


	3. Complications

Standard Disclaimer!  
  
Again I must say I don't own Evangelion or Onegai Teacher. Sorry for the long delay but this is only a side story for me to work on when nothing else comes to mind. Sorry if upsets you but hey.I'm working on it now aren't I?  
  
Oh well  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Divergence Chapter 3- Complications  
  
Three days at the Kazami apartment and things were slowly progressing. Life was far from the usual but that was expected now. Currently Mizaho found herself at her neighbors, the Edajima residence, washing dishes.  
  
"How are things going now?" Konoha asked offhandedly, knowing that was the true reason Mizaho was visiting without Kei.  
  
Trying to downplay her fears and apprehensions, "Fine, Kei is getting better. I hardly have to call him Shinji anymore to get his attention."  
  
"But you still have to on occasion," Konoha finished for the young woman next to her.  
  
Mizaho's head sank a bit, "Yes, that first morning when he woke up. He just started crying."  
  
Putting the play the rest, Konoha turned the water off and lead the now openly worried Mizaho back into the living room and helped her sit. Knowing Kei, Konoha knew that crying was a thing he seldom did. Taking a few moments to walk to Minoru's office and tell him to go to the city and gather food for supper, only to insure he didn't intrude on the conversation, she returned to Mizaho.  
  
Taking the woman's hand in her own, "Why don't you tell me some more about his?"  
  
Simply staring at the floor, Mizaho droned on about the past few days, "Like I said, he was crying. But the thing is, he looked happy. He seemed to be crying so hard but happy. I think he still believed that this life was a dream."  
  
"Has he remembered anymore about his real life?"  
  
Smiling weakly she nodded, "Each day he seems to remember more and more, but his body language, speech mannerisms, and even subtle parts of his personality are just more sullen."  
  
'Kei was always one to keep his problems inside,' Konoha thought, "What else is going on. It'll help to get these feelings out."  
  
Mizaho seemed to be reluctant to continue. Fidgeting a bit she accepted the fact she needed help on this topic as well. Sporting a light crimson complexion, "We haven't.you know."  
  
Catching on quickly to what Mizaho was hinting at, Konoha smiled, "Ever or since the accident?"  
  
"We were close before the accident, but no. But now its worse, we haven't even kissed. He seems to be afraid of contact. I'm trying to be patient, I don't want to pressure him since the accident but." Mizaho trailed off and her blush intensified at her bold comments. Feeling slightly disappointed with herself for having such thoughts, she reminded herself that they were wed and such actions did happen.  
  
"Mizaho, don't feel bad about feeling that this," Konoha said as she notice how Mizaho reacted to even admitted feeling such, "Its natural to want to be like that with your love. I have an idea." Leaving the room quickly and returning with her pocket book she continued, "How about you two have a nice romantic evening in the city tonight?"  
  
Tempting as it was, Mizaho was reluctant to risk being out with Kei in public where somebody might recognize them. "I'm not sure if."  
  
"Its still early yet, you could drive to Edo, it's a bit further away but you'd have privacy and it has some lovely restaurants," the woman insisted as she pressed a handful of bills into Mizaho's hands.  
  
"Konoha-san I couldn't." Mizaho tried to resist but the look she was receiving, compiled with her own longing, ended with her smiling and pocketing the money.  
  
"Where is Kei anyway?" Konoha asked as Mizaho stood to leave.  
  
A nervous twitch glanced Mizaho's eyebrow as she recalled what transpired roughly two hours prior, "His friends decided to try and help him remember things. He's with them right now." The urge to eat a full box of Pocki slowly grew in Mizaho's mind.  
  
Not knowing exactly the relationship between Mizaho and Kei's friends, Konoha simple asked how they knew about his condition. Mizaho stated that 'Shinji' just so happened to recognize Herikawa and somebody known as 'Asuka.'  
  
"That must have been some dream," Konoha slipped as Mizaho neared the door.  
  
Worry poured from Mizaho as she walked out of the small home, "Yes, it must have been some dream."  
  
------------  
  
'How can this get any weirder," Shinji thought as the assembly of 'friends' stared at him. After waking up next to Mizaho, Shinji was bewildered. He had been under the impression he was dreaming, but now which was his reality. Memories of the people before him slowly began to surface as they told him stories of times past. As he looked and interacted with them however, aspects of their personalities reminded him of friends in Tokyo-3  
  
The girl Herikawa he had already addressed as this worlds version of Asuka. Matagu was an easy placement. He droned on an on about finding UFO's as only a crazed otaku could. 'Matagu is either this dreams Kensuke.or vice versa.'  
  
"Oyi Kei!" Hyosuke hollowed and pounded on Shinji's back to gain his attention, "Any of this helping?"  
  
"Hyosuke-kun.,"Kaede meekly interjected "maybe hitting him like that isn't helping."  
  
"He doesn't know any better," Ichigo spat out in a rather monotone voice.  
  
Rubbing the back of his head Hyosuke smiled none-the-less as he apologized. Shinji could see his friends in each of them. Hyosuke's enthusiasm but at times thoughtful nature reminded him of Touji. Kaede's obvious feelings for the boy and her talent for saying exactly what she wanted told Shinji that she was Hikari. Lastly was Ichigo, he knew exactly who she was meant to be the moment he saw her. Small with red eyes and a dispassionate voice and the feeling that they shared something that went beyond words, she was Rei. As he paired up the dreams with reality, he thought, 'the real fake or the fake real. Which is real?'  
  
The troupe, coached by Herikawa called the boy Shinji, which did much to calm the confused child. They talked of times at school, the beach, and just hanging out. Each story was vivid in Shinji's mind. He HAD been there and HAD done the things he had spoken of. A memory quickly came to mind as he looked at the sparse gazes Hyosuke gave to Kaede, 'They slept together. But I thought they were avoiding each other.'  
  
After a couple of hours of catching up and support, the group disbanded, much to Herikawa's dismay. Walking away from the schoolyard where they had spoken, Shinji stopped Hyosuke.  
  
"Kei, I mean Shinji. How ARE you doing? Things any better?" concern laden in his voice.  
  
Shaking off the question with a smile, Shinji turned the conversation, "I'm doing better," he lied, "I wanted to ask about you and Kaede."  
  
Hyosuke's face took on several emotions simultaneously, shock, nervousness, and joy, "You remembered that? GREAT!"  
  
Wanting to know of his friend's situation Shinji continued, "So?"  
  
Rubbing his nose with his index finger he just looked up, "We talked. Once we heard about your situation we decided to talk to each other first. That way we could help you out."  
  
"And?"  
  
A growing grin on his face Hyosuke grabbed Shinji around the neck; "I don't have to pine over Mizaho-sensei like Matagu anymore. Well I better be going, you get better Kei, I mean that."  
  
Waving a goodbye to his friend, Shinji headed towards the train station that would take him home. His mind embattled with the question of which reality was truly his. Memories of each life so clear and perfect in his mind. He could see how each was real and how each could be the dream. 'I want this to be reality, which probably makes it the dream,' he thought selfishly. Then his sense of honor, no matter how small, kicked in as he realized that if this were a dream, his real friends would be in danger as he wasn't able to pilot to protect them.  
  
Sitting on the bench by the tracks a pent up sigh escaped his lips. "Why can't anything make sense?"  
  
"Just give it time Kei. You'll get better."  
  
Turning to find his companion, "Herikawa?"  
  
Sitting next to him, "Yeah, I wanted to talk to you alone for a bit. If you don' t mind."  
  
'I have to be careful I'm with Mizaho and she does like me.how do I know that.' it didn't matter how he did know, he just knew. "Sure, what's on your mind?"  
  
'I have to be strong and just say it to him,' she reasoned before opening her mouth and failing, "How much do you remember about us?"  
  
"Its still vague. I remember names better now, and places. Slightly feelings and a few things we did, but that's it," he admitted.  
  
Sitting next to him, she tried to think of something else to say but couldn't. She was at peace just sitting next to him. Sure she would love to hold his hand, rest her head on his shoulder, but she wouldn't risk things right now. Just being by him was enough at the moment.  
  
Shinji was himself in a sort of peace by her. 'It's not the same as Mizaho but something is here I can feel it.' Temptation ran deeply into his thoughts but thinking of Mizaho banished it. 'I do love her, even if this is a dream I love her.' That thought made him want to cry. 'Only in a dream can I find love.'  
  
The silence remained until his train arrived at the station and he boarded turning back to offer a small farewell.  
  
-----------  
  
Sitting in a quaint restaurant across from Mizaho in a stunning evening dress was not exactly how Shinji expected the rest of the day would have progressed. Arriving home, he found Mizaho waiting for him in her car. She informed him of Konoha's idea for a nice time together outside the apartment and away from prying eyes. 'This is so nice,' both thought as they gazed at each other across the table.  
  
Talking idly about trivial matters of the heart and how the group session went, the two were finally relaxing. Mizaho was still debating on how far she should try and push things. Shinji was slowly trying to accept his new reality. As the meal progressed they noticed a few eyes falling on them as they dined. Most were men basking in the glory that was Mizaho's form, but a few seemed to look on in disgust. Mizaho's mood sunk as she realized that the few sour looks must have been from people that thought she 'was' dating a minor.  
  
Spotting the deteriorating mood from Mizaho, Shinji found his hand had moved over hers and squeezed it reassuringly. Turning her hand over and holding his, Mizaho was again at peace, 'Kei's getting better, he really is.' Shinji couldn't believe he had done something so forward, but part of him didn't want to she Mizaho sad, ever.  
  
The rest of the meal had proceeded without further err or unpleasantness. Upon leaving, the pair drove around the city enjoying the night-lights they city had to offer.  
  
Driving away from the city, viewing it from afar, "Its lovely isn't it Kei?"  
  
'Kei, is that really my name?' Shinji thought before smiling at Mizaho, "Yes it is."  
  
Her smile withered a bit as she saw Kei's face revert to the unreadable mask. She was trying to be patient but it was so hard for her. Physical contact wasn't something that was very important to her but the absolute absence of it was something she didn't want.  
  
"Kei, can we talk about something?"  
  
Looking away from the fading lights of the city, "Yes Mizaho?"  
  
Her fortitude and courage to ask draining from her, she stalled for time, "It.can wait till we get home."  
  
The car sped on through the night in silence, midway through the drive Shinji's hand again found Mizaho's and it stayed there until the walked inside the apartment. Thanking Mizaho for the great evening, Shinji tried to walk to the bathroom to freshen up, but found Mizaho had yet relinquished his hand.  
  
Pulling the young man back to her, Mizaho wrapped her arms around him she was on the verge of tears as she looked at him. "Kei."  
  
Fear of being so close to someone seared Shinji's mind, but something else did as well, desire. He could feel not only his but Mizaho's as well. Inching closer to the woman's face, Shinji almost lost his nerve, but his now apparent love for Mizaho drove him onward. The kiss was soft and subtle, but each would walk away thinking it was one of their best. It was the true start of the healing of their relationship.  
  
---------  
  
'Mizaho seems really upset by my reluctance to.' Shinji thought train derailed at that moment. Slapping his face lightly to refocus himself, 'I have to be more open to her. She's been so patient with me during all of this. The more time that passes here the more likely I'm not dreaming.'  
  
Spotting the familiar mop of hair standing on the awning, Shinji made a choice. Sneaking up quietly behind her, he snuggled up closely behind her and wrapped his arms just below her chest and hugged her tightly. The reaction was far from what he had anticipated.  
  
"Ah, so you must be Kusanagi Kei," the woman said in an unfamiliar voice. Shocked but still holding rather firmly, Shinji noticed the hair was a hint darker purple, a mole on the woman's cheek and as his hands moved involuntarily, a fuller bust line.  
  
Hearing the door open behind him, Shinji turned to see Mizaho had just walked into the apartment, 'What the hell is going on here?'  
  
"Mother, is that you? What are you doing?"  
  
"Meeting your husband. Such a nice man," Hatsuho said with a smile as Shinji threw himself off her and against the wall.  
  
"Mizaho.this is your mother?"  
  
Envious of how her mother was just being held by Kei, as she had recently wanted so much, Mizaho nodded as Hatsuho straightened herself and greeted the pair properly. Shinji watched the two woman embrace he could see how Mizaho was related to the elder woman. The mother seemed to be a bit more perverse than Mizaho. He just cursed his luck as his first attempt to make amends to Mizaho since this whole incident began resulted in hugging her mother.  
  
----------  
  
"So your Mizaho's mother Hatsuho?" Minoru asked from his position on the couch next to Konoha.  
  
With her usual bright smile, she admitted she was, "I came to visit as soon as I heard she was married." She finished by giving her daughter a wink.  
  
Konoha blurted, "Did you hear about." her voice died as both Mizaho and Kei shook their heads. "I see, well Miss Kazami we have something to tell you."  
  
"Your not pregnant are you Mizaho? So soon you two must have." the aforementioned pair nearly fainted at the insinuation as they had yet to even consummate the marriage suffered a full body blush. "Am I wrong?"  
  
"Yes mother your wrong!" Mizaho scolded her mother.  
  
For the first time since arriving at the Edajima residence, Shinji spoke, "I have amnesia, I only starting to remember most of my past."  
  
Losing her happy composure, Hatsuho looked at the boy before her and braced him deeply, "Such a tragedy to befall you two so soon."  
  
Appalled by her mother's open actions with her husband Mizaho bellowed, "MOTHER!"  
  
"Kei you lucky.OUCH!" Minoru stopped as Konoha wasn't really wanting to hear her husband's comments about wanting to be held by another woman.  
  
Hatsuho released the ridged boy and put her hand to her cheek, "Did I do something wrong?" In her mind she was most jovial, 'My daughter really loves this boy, and with good reason.'  
  
"Miss Kazami," Shinji tried again but was stopped as the woman interrupted him.  
  
"No, no, no, its not Miss Kazami you can call me mother, mom, or even Hatsuho. We are related now," by this time Minoru, Mizaho, and Konoha were in different states of disbelief. Shinji was trying very hard not to be aroused by the woman's open nature and how she seemed to use her voice to dance around at his mind.  
  
The odd but happy atmosphere was however quickly ruined as a black haired child ran into the room screeching, "I object!"  
  
"Maho, you know better than to enter peoples homes without permission."  
  
The three earthlings looked slack jawed at the impromptu family reunion, "Maho?"  
  
---------  
  
The next week was living hell for Shinji. Maho openly rejected the marriage of the two. As he was still only just coming to terms with his altered reality he was tempted to believe her that is aside from the now firm belief that he loved her. Forced to live at the Edajima residence for the duration of Mizaho's family's stay.  
  
What complicated matters more so was that fact that Maho's ship unit was set to either kill or severely injure him. His Nerv training did much to help secure his safety, at the cost of making him doubt reality again. 'How can I have this knowledge and even think that this isn't a dream?' His reasoning was offset by the fact that he remember swimming on the beach, 'I know I can swim now.I couldn't before but now I can.this is so hard.'  
  
As Shinji wandered about the countryside to clear his head consequently running into Herikawa, Maho was eavesdropping on her beloved older sister and rather odd mothers conversation. She was shocked that Hatsuho actually seemed to entertain the idea of marrying 'Amnesia boy.'  
  
"So how is life on earth treating you Mizaho?" Hatsuho said as she unwrapped a box of pocki.  
  
Sliding a piece of the candy into her own mouth Mizaho answered, "I can admit I took me by surprise. I met Kei the moment I left the ship."  
  
"Love at first sight?"  
  
Reluctantly shacking her head, "Actually when we were first married I was afraid of him. Afraid he'd try to take advantage of the situation we were placed in. I was grateful that he helped me hid my alien heritage, but it could have been really bad."  
  
Nibbling on her candy Hatsuho pondered what she saw in the boy and how Mizaho described him. "He doesn't seem the type to do such things."  
  
Her mother's words struck a cord in Mizaho's mind. 'No he wouldn't he's a sweet caring man that wouldn't hurt me on purpose. Now he won't even look at my without a hint of fear in his eyes. Kei what happened to you! You're still hiding something from me. Why won't you tell me everything.'  
  
The surge of emotions finally burst and Mizaho's eyes filled to overflowing with fresh tears. She cried openly and ran into Hatsuho's open arms. The older woman held her crying daughter and stroked her hair offering reassurances to her.  
  
From her hiding place, Maho had heard enough that boy Shinji or Kei or whatever he called himself would pay for causing her sister such pain. "I'll lock him in the hyper dimension forever!"  
  
----------  
  
Having his talk with Herikawa cut short by the strangely familiar feeling of teleportation, Shinji found himself in what the deeper recesses of his mind recognized as the waste product of an alien ship.  
  
"What am I doing here?" he said aloud to himself.  
  
A shrill voice from above him drew his attention away from the bizarre landscape, "I hate you!"  
  
"Maho, did you do this?" he asked noticing the new outfit the younger child was wearing. He noticed it was a variation of the uniform Mizaho was wearing when they first met.  
  
With arms crossed and voice envenomed, "Yes I did! I'm doing it because you're ruining my sisters life!"  
  
Memories of his life flying back to him rapidly he shouted in defiance, "We love each other! We're trying to make this work!"  
  
"You only see what you want to. Do you really know if she's happy? Do you even care if it's just an act? She's afraid of you. Afraid you'll do something wicked to her! You disgusting pig!"  
  
His voice losing its conviction, he didn't know, "I would never. I love her. I really do. I care if she's happy."  
  
Landing a few feet away from him, Maho looked him squarely in the eyes, "Then tell me why she's crying because of this. Tell me that if she wasn't afraid you'd turn her in that she'd still be with you."  
  
"She's crying.?"  
  
Scowling at him and hate in her tone, "Yes she is. She doesn't want to be with you. She's beyond you, better than you!"  
  
His heart wrenched, his body felt like lead, 'I'm.stopping.' The thought appeared to Shinji out of nowhere and scared him to no end. Vision fading, breath coming in rasps, he tried to refute Maho, tried to get over by her but his body gave out as he reached her and oblivion overcame him.  
  
-----------  
  
Eyes fluttering open, Shinji took in his new scenery. He found himself standing in an office. It was mildly in disarray but seemed to have some order about it. He looked at a picture on the cluttered desk and thought he recognized the face of his fathers second in command.  
  
"Hello Shinji or is it Kei now? Its time to wake up."  
  
Expecting to find the young girl with flesh melded eyes Shinji turned to see somebody that made him want to cry. "M.Mother?"  
  
"In a sense and again in a sense not. I'm merely a shadow of Yui Ikari, but I am in a way her."  
  
That didn't matter to the boy who was now hugging the woman fiercely, "But.that means that the other world.was a dream.doesn't it."  
  
The vision started to fade but he did hear the last words the shadow of his mother said, "Do you want it to be?"  
  
------------  
  
Again the troubled boys eyes opened, this time to a darkened room. 'It's like my room in Minoru's house.does that mean I'm in his house. I withdrew, so maybe this IS reality!' Sitting up in bed he noticed the moonlight silhouette of a woman, a full-bodied woman whose hair seemed to glow dark pink in the moonlight.  
  
The fear of losing Mizaho to a dream was gone, as she leaned over closer to him, with tears blurring his vision he spoke softly so that only she could here, "I love you Miz-chan." He accentuated his declaration by kissing the woman openly. The kiss was stiff for a few moments but slowly she melted into the embrace and returned it with equal passion. Their hands slowly started to roam the others body and their lips opened to allow for entry.  
  
'This is reality, this is where I belong,' Shinji thought before his door opened and he heard a voice he never thought he'd hear again.  
  
"Misato has baka woke up yet?"  
  
In the darkness of his room Misato was able to push away from Shinji without the exchange being seen, "Yes Asuka.he just woke up."  
  
'Asuka.Misato.oh dear God.' Shinji thought as Asuka turned the light in his room on and he saw Misato blushing softly and Asuka walking towards the pair. "What's going on?"  
  
In her mind Misato was thinking exactly the same thing.  
  
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Author Notes  
  
Well another chapter down. Yup Shin-man is reunited with Misato, Asuka, and the rest of the Eva cast.  
  
I know some of you may say.um he just kissed Misato.what's the deal? Give me time to get to it ^_^ remember he just experienced life with a woman Misato's age that was his 'wife' don't tell me you won't want to kiss your wife after a near-death experience.  
  
Well enough defense. This story is again being written without pre-reader support so.don't be to offended by grammar mistakes.  
  
Ja Mata  
  
Zentrodie (zentrodie@secondimpact.co) 


	4. Welcome Home

Standard disclaimer

Been spending a lot of time thinking about the next chapters of What We Make of It and Anata no Ichiban ni Naritai and well I wanted to take a lil break. Realize 'Hey you haven't updated Divergence' in a LONG time so why not write a chapter of that?'

So I am. But don't worry WW and Anata will be coming along very soon as well. But variation is the spice of life so here is a little pepper for you.

-Section Divider-

Divergence

Chapter 4 – Welcome Back

Reading the reviews of the synchronization tests that the pilots finished not two hours ago, Ritsuko wasn't very pleased with the results. "Misato, Shinji's scores are still down. I could see them being down last week after he woke up, but he hasn't made any grounds in recovering his score. What's going on at you apartment?" Falling into her office's chair, Ritsuko just tossed the papers on her desk.

Picking up the accusing pages in her hands, Misato gazed over them. "He isn't that far down. Only two points." Misato said to hopefully get Ritsuko off her back. Truthfully Misato had no idea what could be wrong with Shinji since she'd been avoiding him the whole week since his awakening from his three-day coma.

Rubbing her temples softly, Ritsuko wanted a drink to calm her nerves. "We need to know why he isn't 'progressing' Misato, I'm not upset that he dropped the two points, but he has to regain them and move forward." Gendo had been pressuring her again about the pilots' abilities he was proposing an A-13. An angel had been found lying dormant in a volcano and he wanted it, so the pilots needed to be ready to act soon. "Have you tried talking to him and seeing if something was on his mind?"

"I've been busy Ritsuko. The commander has had me supervise the creation of that electronic cage in case we get the authorization we need," Misato lied. She had Makoto working on that, but Ritsuko didn't know that. 'I just can't talk to Shinji right now. Why did he kiss me?' All Misato's thoughts about Shinji had in that moment of passion been jumbled.

Since he moved in Misato didn't truly know what to make of him. Was he her adopted son, brother, friend, or something else? Up until the kiss she had thought of him as a friend, somebody she could depend on and trust. But now, she started thinking about him differently. 'It felt so good to kiss him, it honestly felt really good.'

That was something else that bothered Misato. Shinji's kiss wasn't a timid boys first kiss, or a kiss given to somebody he had a crush on. 'No, that kiss was beyond inexperienced.' Shinji's kiss was filled with emotion, filled with a love that Misato didn't know he was capable of.

"Are you even listening?" Ritsuko yelled as she slammed a book down by Misato's arm that was hosting her head at the moment. Trying to explain to Misato that it was her duty to insure the pilots' mental stability, Ritsuko wasn't happy to see her friend spacing out.

The resounding crack of the book slamming against the desk broke Misato from her revelry. "Sorry I know. Just a lot on my mind right now. I'll look into it after he gets back from school today." Knowing Shinji would only have a half-day as he missed the first half for the test, Misato had some time to plan her questions. She knew she shouldn't encourage Shinji's feelings for her, it wouldn't be viewed as appropriate, but right now her mind didn't agree.

Giving up in her attempts to stave off her apprehension "Lets go get something to eat Misato. I'm buying." Getting out of her chair and leading Misato to the cafeteria, Ritsuko had missed to look of uncertainty in Misato's eyes.

-Section Divider-

Seated in the classroom, surrounded by people that he knew, Shinji tried not to seem as depressed as he was. 'It was a dream. All of it. But why doesn't it feel like it? Dreams aren't that real are they?' Arriving at class as the second subject of the day began allowed Shinji more time to try and understand all that had happened to him. In his week's time of thinking about it, all he had concluded was. 'All that time I spent with Mizuho, more than two months worth of memories, all took place in three days.'

It was Asuka that told Shinji he had been sleeping for three days after the incident with the experimental weapon. Said weapon had gone back to R&D for more research. It was also Asuka who approached Shinji as Hikari dismissed the students for lunch. "What's gnawing on your pea brain now?"

With his new knowledge of judging people, Shinji could read Asuka a lot better than before. 'She's afraid of getting to attached to people so she uses her pride as a shield. She does like me too.' Maybe not as much as Herikawa does, but she does he thought. Smiling to his friend, "Just thinking about that dream again, I have you lunch if you want it."

Since he had woken up, Asuka could sense something about Shinji had changed. 'He's not apologizing as much as he used to, he's more mature. I guess a knock on the head did him a lot of good.' Taking the bento from Shinji's outstretched hand. "Thanks, if you want to," looking around the room for spies Asuka continued, "you could talk about it. Not like I have anything else to do."

"Hey man, heard you've been in an accident? The demon finally go to far with her love taps?" Touji called as he walked over from the door. Asuka had missed Kensuke and his entrance by mere seconds.

She could feel her anger growing. It was a small spark that existed whenever Shinji was around. She wanted to talk to him alone and not be harassed by the idiotic mumblings of his friends. The deeper part of her mind reminded her the real reason she was upset was she wanted Shinji to herself. She didn't want his friends to see her weak. "I'm going to eat with Hikari, you three don't do anything to perverted while thinking about me."

Kensuke filmed Asuka's retreat with a smirk. "That girl should just get the word 'bitch' tattooed on her forehead." Her personality aside, Kensuke had no problem recording her body. As the redhead turned the corner of door, "So what's really got you down? You don't look like your hurt or anything."

Knowing his friends had given him time to recuperate from any physical ailments he had before questioning him, Shinji waved his hand. "I'm fine, just thinking I guess. Its nothing to worry about."

Pulling out his notebook, "well if that's the case can you guys help me with the math homework?" Touji looked away from the two with a hint of embarrassment on his face. 'If Shinji says he's fine he either is, or isn't ready to talk about it,' Touji thought as he pressed his problems on the other two.

"I'm no good at math man, you know that!" Kensuke said as he shied away from the questions. "I'm a computer man, not a math wizard. So you're S.O.L. cause Shinji wasn't here for…Kensuke's voice died as Shinji pulled the book over to his side of the desk and started to figure the problems.

"How do you know that man? You were absent when we started going over this stuff," Touji looked at Kensuke with his eyes wide with shock. "You work ahead of us or something?" Shinji didn't speak and neither did Kensuke. Kensuke was mystified by Shinji's sudden ability to perform math calculations from days in class he was absent from.

'Having a teacher for a wife doesn't exempt you from the work it intensifies it,' Shinji thought suppressing a chuckle. Realization dawned on him as his actions finally caught up with his mind. 'How DO I know this, that was just a dream. But…But know how to do this!' Dropping the pencil from his hand Shinji's eyes dewed up with tears. "What the hell is happening to me?"

Seeing the growing circles of wetness on the paper before seeing Shinji's tears, the two other boys were confused. Touji put his hand on Shinji's shoulder and shook his friend lightly. "Shin-man what's bugging you? Just tell us man we won't laugh."

Violently shaking off Touji's hand and getting to his feat, Shinji wiped away his tears as best as he could. "I…I just need to be alone for awhile." Before his friends could voice a protest, Shinji had ran out of the room and semi-collided with Asuka, who had been spying on the idiot trio. Reeling back as his shoulder clipped Asuka's Shinji hid his face from her. 'I don't want to trouble her either right now.' Continuing his run back to the apartment, Asuka was left with her hand outstretched in Shinji's direction.

'What was that all about?' Asuka thought for a moment before looking back in the classroom to find Kensuke and Touji equally confused. 'Well if anybody knows what started this mess they should.' Cracking her knuckles Asuka prepared for a little interrogation time with said boys. "Now which of you wants to talk first?" she asked as she advanced on the two.

-Section Divider-

Sealing himself in his room and allowing his SDAT to try and alleviate thought from his mind, Shinji was close to a breakdown. 'What the hell is going on? How can that be a dream when I have so many memories from it? I'm remembering more of their lives ever moment!' Curling up in the fetal position, Shinji could remember clearly why Mizaho loved pocki so much, the reason Matagu was obsessed with UFO's, and many other small memories that he shouldn't know.

'I feel like I'm going insane. One has to be real and the other fake, but which is which?' Drawing his legs even closer to his chest, Shinji had no way of learning the answer in the confines of his room. "I wish somebody would tell me," his sore throat cried out in frustration. Normally he'd have asked Misato for help, but Misato was part of the problem as well.

'I love Misato, isn't that funny,' he thought without even the smallest amount of humor. He had started out thinking of Misato as a sister like figure, somebody he could relax around, but it changed, grew, he didn't leave Tokyo-3 when he had the chance because of her. Shinji didn't know it at the time of course but his time spent with Mizaho forced him to think about it and accept reality. 'I actually love Misato, and now she won't even look at me.'

Shinji didn't know what hurt more, the fact that she didn't talk to him about the incident or the knowledge that he loved Mizuho as well. 'I wish it'd all just go away. I can't handle this alone, and I can't ask somebody to help me because they'll think I've gone mad.' So deep in his own mind, Shinji didn't hear the door to his room opening. He didn't see the figure walk across his room and prop herself on his bed. He did feel her run her hand through his hair. "Shinji-kun I heard you ran out of school."

The air in his lungs seemed to disappear as he registered the hand and voice in his mind. Twisting his neck and opening his eyes to the dim light of the room, Shinji saw Misato sitting on his bed with concern in her eyes. "Misato…san, shouldn't you be at Nerv?" Rubbing his eyes and nose violently as he sat up, Shinji didn't want Misato to see him as he was.

"Normally yes, but when Asuka called and Section-2 confirmed you ran out of the school, I called in early." It was a small lie but it would have been true had Ritsuko not asked Misato to go to him before she could ask to leave. While Shinji righted himself and sat next to her, Misato's hands fell into her lap. 'Now what do I say? Do I ask him why he kissed me? Why he's been acting strange? What do I do?'

Shinji answered her questions on his own accord. "I had a dream Misato-san, while I was asleep for those three days. Well I think it was a dream." Looking at Shinji, Misato couldn't follow him, how could somebody not know if something was a dream or not? "I guess it's to blame for a lot of things right now."

Despite her own worries over Shinji's actions and her feelings for him, Misato wrapper her arm around his waist. "Why don't you tell me about it. I think we owe each other that much right?" Pulling him closer for a moment and releasing back, but still keeping her arm around him, Misato hoped to gain some insight to what caused Shinji's good morning kiss.

'She does deserve to know,' Shinji concluded as he leaned over against her taking in as much comfort as he could get. The time seemed to crawl as Shinji informed his guardian about the events that transpired after he blanked out during the test firing of the new weapon. He spared only the odd moments that didn't seem to fit, like seeing that girl that felt like a sister and his mother.

Shinji told Misato about Mizuho, Herikawa, the Edajima's, and about his friends. He spared no detail that he thought was relevant. After he had finished his dialogue, Misato's arm wrapped tightly against his side. "Shinji, this dream, you said the people in it reflected people you know. That this Mizuho person was me."

In a sense he said yes. "I know it sounds weird but, yes while I was there I could see a lot of you in Mizuho." It didn't seem to fit to say Misato WAS Mizuho but they were very familiar. "So when I woke up and saw you, I thought you…that I…and that's why I kissed you."

She didn't know what to make of it. Shinji had a dream where he was married to a woman much like herself, maybe even it was her, and it affected him so much that he realized he loved her? 'Does he love me? Does this boy in my arms love me or was that dream too?' Hearing the recounts of Shinji's problems, Misato was both moved and worried by it. "Shinji, do," Misato's voice lost its power for a moment as she tried to form the words, "do you love me Shinji?"

Can I tell her the truth? Should I lie about it? There isn't a chance that Misato feels the same for me the situation isn't the same as it was in the dream. Shinji's mind rifled through countless variations of what to tell Misato. Every alternative sounded plausible and the best alternative to the truth and the heartbreak that the truth would hold. In the end however Shinji couldn't lie. His voice barely above a whisper, "I do."

The arm around Shinji went slack at the sound of Shinji's voice. "Shinji…I…you really?" Covering her mouth with her other hand, Misato rushed out of the room, leaving a devastated but expecting Shinji behind. As she headed to her own room, Misato's mind was near shut down. 'Shinji loves me. That sweet and caring bo…man,' Misato corrected her thoughts, anybody that faces death for a living can't do so as a boy. 'That man loves me.'

Shutting her door, Misato opened her closet and pulled out her emergency stash of liquor. It was an imported American drink called Jack Danials. Screwing off the top and letting the brown liquid burn its way down her throat, Misato wanted to get drunk fast and escape the reality of things. 'What do I do now? From his story, I can't brush this off, Shinji honestly loves me.'

Pouring another shot down her throat Misato missed the apartments door opening, as Asuka returned from school and headed into Shinji's room to see what caused his breakdown. The shock of Shinji's declaration triggered more than just amazement in Misato, it made her honestly think of her feelings for him. 'What do I feel about him?'

It wasn't an easy question to answer for her. So much was in the way. She was not only his superior but also his guardian. He was a fourteen-year-old boy, whose job forced adulthood on him prematurely. If she did feel something for him, how would the others see it? Not favorably Misato thought. 'It'd be best for me to say I'm flattered but it was only a dream to him.'

As much as she wanted to go back to Shinji's room and tell him that, she couldn't. Falling into a pile on her futon, Misato continued to drink heavily from her bottle trying to force the voices of reason from her mind. One week ago she was joyfully teasing Shinji about getting a girlfriend and now she learned he loved her. 'But what if it was just the blowback from his dream? What if he doesn't really care that way about me?'

The other side of her mind, the part that was true to her feelings denied that thought. It screamed at her that she had left Shinji in a very fragile state alone in his room because she was afraid to accept her own feelings. 'I…I love him? I actually love Shinji?' If he were older physically Misato wouldn't have thought twice about it. Shinji cared about her that was clear, she knew he wouldn't hurt her and would treat her like the lady she wished to be, and he would never betray her like Kaji.

While Asuka comforted Shinji the best way she knew how, they were now playing video games in the living room, Misato laid down and fumbled to put the cap on the half empty bottle of alcohol. In her drunken haze, Misato felt regret for her actions in running from Shinji after he courageously bared his soul to her. 'I do, two words were all it took to completely rattle my world.' Smiling at the bottle she held in her hand, turning it over and over again watching the liquid slosh and slide inside, Misato could feel sleep coming over her quickly. 'I guess 'I do' too.'

The bottle fell from her hand as she fell asleep and dreamed of a variation of Shinji's story. She dreamt of a place where she were married to that young man and lived happily.

-Section Divider-

Upon waking Misato was reminded why she only drank her imported beverage in cases of emergency. She had one nasty hangover. 'Feels like Asuka crawled in my head and started to redecorate with extreme prejudice.' Picking herself up and climbing out of bed, Misato absently scratched her exposed midsection. 'Well I guess I best talk to him now.' What she'd say to him, Misato didn't know.

As she had seen a over a week ago, Shinji was the only member of the house hold up, and he was cooking breakfast for all of them. Garbed in his birthday present, it was a joke gift but he used it regardless, Shinji's apron was protecting the boy's clothing from the evils of grease and food stock. Misato guessed he hadn't heard her approach as he was humming softly to himself.

'Well I could always hug him, but then he'd spill the food,' Misato thought with a smile. Choosing to take a seat at the table and wait for him to notice her presence, she waited. Watching the young man before her almost gracefully cooking breakfast for two women who never really thanked him for it, Misato could feel her heart resonating with him. 'Would it be a bad thing? He really is something else.'

About to call out to the believed sleeping women, Shinji filled three plates with food and prepared to set the table. He nearly dropped the plates when he turned and saw Misato smiling at him. "Mi…Misato-san good morning." His poor heart was pounding in his chest. He didn't know what to expect from Misato after she all but ran out of his room after his meek confession of feelings. 'What could I have expected. That was a dream. This is reality and in reality Misato couldn't actually love me.'

Misato's guilty smile faded away as she saw the fear growing in Shinji's eyes. 'He's waiting for me to tell him. He knows that we shouldn't. He's waiting for me to say it to him and make it real.' Taking the plate from Shinji's shaking hand, Misato thanked him for the meal and opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. "About yesterday Shinji."

Waving his head slowly, Shinji set Asuka's place and sat at his own. "You don't have to say anything Misato-san. I know that that was a dream and its wrong for me to feel that way about you. I'm sorry." Although he was sorry, he couldn't change his love for the woman any more than he could will the angels to stop their attacks. 'I guess if anything that dream made me realize how I felt, now I have to accept the inevitable denial.'

The unopened beer felt heavy in Misato's hand as she just sat and listened to Shinji. She sat and listened to him apologize for loving her. He was sorry that she had to deal with his feelings. 'It would be so easy to just let this go to let him move on and forget about all of this. But can he? Can I?' Setting the beer on the table, Misato knew that she couldn't. While most of the memories of the previous night were a haze of drunkenness, Misato knew she came to a conclusion regarding Shinji.

Not watching Misato, Shinji started to eat as he heard the bathroom door closing, signifying that Asuka was not only up but going to take a shower. His heart wrenched in his chest as he spoke in conflict with it. "I'll try to keep it from affecting my piloting and I'll do better in the future." Visions of his time with Mizuho and the others flashed in his mind again. 'Forget about that! It was a lie! It wasn't real! No matter how much I want it to be real it's a lie!' But if it were all a lie, why could he swim, or do math he couldn't have known before, or have knowledge of people and places alien to him?

Misato couldn't take it anymore, taking Shinji's hand in hers she had to accept her heart even if it wasn't going to be seen positively by others. "Shinji, don't say that. I…we could try you know. Keep it secret from the others and see how things…how things go." She couldn't believe her own words, Misato wanted to tell Shinji he was doing the right thing but she said that. 'Kami-sama what am I doing? Why does it feel right when I know its wrong?'

Looking blankly at Misato, Shinji didn't know what to say to her. He didn't even fully understand what she said to him. Misato, seeing his confusion did another thing that was confusing to the two. She hugged him tightly. Feeling the warm tears on her shoulder, Misato could almost feel Shinji's emotions through his body. Gazing into his tear laden blue eyes, Misato drew him into a soft kiss.

'Whatever happens, we'll see it together I guess,' Misato thought as she held Shinji's lips to her own. It would be hard for them, but if they kept things slow and quiet they could see how it worked. And if it worked well…well the best things in life are worth waiting for.

-End Chapter-

Author Notes

Well Shinji and Misato have come to terms with one another. But is Misato real or is she a dream? Will the two keep their fragile and blossoming relationship secret or will public opinion force the two apart.

A lot can happen with this story and I've only got pieces of where I want to take it in mind. I know a lot of you are saying a Shinji/Misato or even Shinji(Kei)/Mizuho is wrong based on age. But as you've read already, Shinji isn't just Shinji anymore.

I hope you like the story and review it as well. The chapter is a little small but I think this is a good place to end it for now.

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie-at-secondimpact-dot-com)


	5. In the wings

Standard disclaimer

Yup back with this one, I know I said I was going to work on the mst of Children of an Elder God, but things have been odd around the ol' studio. Job prospects shimmer brightly only to be snuffed out in a wave of depression, followed by bigger and brighter prospects. Needless to say, yet I will anyway, its been reeking havoc on my mind. But I'm still here, still writing (when I'm awake enough to do so) so please bear with it.

The premise has been set, the players rehearsed and the stage prepared, let the show begin

Section-

Divergence

Chapter 5 – In the Wings

Sitting at his desk with his two friends, Shinji hadn't felt as good as he did now than in a long time. Over a week had passed since Misato and he officially, yet secretly, choose to try seeing each other. Misato wasn't Mizaho was quickly identified by Shinji, Misato was far more outgoing than Mizuho and less book smart, but he could feel his heart still resonating with hers. 'I hope she isn't regretting it, I'm not.' But the shadow of doubt was never far from his mind. He was still a fourteen-year-old boy, could she stay with him despite that? Handing Kensuke the translated English, "Is that all you had trouble with?"

Flabbergasted Kensuke slapped Shinji's shoulders joyfully. "What happened to that brain of yours man? You were an ok student before but now! Now you seem on a different level!" Removing his limbs from Shinji's battered body, Kensuke fell into his seat and marveled over the translation it flawless as best he could tell.

"Maybe we need to have a head injury too," Touji joked hoping to keep the spirits light. The jock had noticed a sudden and now expected drop in Shinji's demeanor whenever his newfound intellect was discussed. 'Something happened to him, but he won't talk to us about it.' But as far as Touji knew, Shinji had never had another break down like he did on his first day back to class. "Think it'll help our grades too?"

Lightly smacking Touji on the back of the head, Asuka, followed by Hikari, joined the trio of boys. "Only way to improve your grades is to have a full brain transplant." Asuka's mocking tone was followed by a scowl on the be-speckled and tracksuit-clad boys' faces. Hikari tried to scold Asuka for her remark, but her smile detracted from her authority. Seating herself next to Shinji, Asuka was relieved he hadn't fallen into depression again. "You got my bento ready?"

Offering his flat mate and friend a small smile, "You really need to learn to cook this for yourself. What if I'm not there to cook it for you?" Shinji's question was spoken in a lighthearted tone that had Asuka very perplexed. Digging into this satchel and finding the German's lunch, Shinji deposited his morning's labors into Asuka's waiting clutches.

Unnoticed by either pilot, Touji, Hikari, and Kensuke looked at one another hoping to find an answer to their friends new relationship mapped on their faces. Hikari had her suspicions that Asuka's rude nature regarding Shinji was to hide her feelings, but Touji and Kensuke thought Asuka simply hated all men. Asuka thanked, and that floored the two boys the most, Shinji for the lunch and left with Hikari trailing behind just as astonished.

With Asuka out of earshot Touji turned on Shinji and asked in a harsh whisper that wasn't truly needed. "When did this start happening? Did you de-fang the demon?" How Asuka had changed from being Uber-Bitch to being actually nice, well nicer, to Shinji was baffling, almost as Rei's change regarding Shinji after the fifth angel.

Eyeing Shinji up, Kensuke thought for a moment he saw him sigh, but it could have been his imagination. "Yeah man, you and her getting sweet on each other or something? Did you betray us?" Oddly enough though, with Asuka not screaming or accusing them, she was a lot finer catch. 'Though I wouldn't mind if she ordered me around.'

Doing his best to not think of Herikawa, and the confusion such memories brought, Shinji shrugged. He didn't want to attribute his knowledge of Asuka's personality, or the feelings he suspected she had, to the 'other place,' it made him feel dirty, like he was cheating. Looking at his desk and using his usual semi-flat tone, "We've come to an understanding you could say. I don't apologize as much, and she tries to wait longer before making her judgments."

The prior week had also served to add confusion between Asuka and Shinji. Shinji knew he loved Misato, but he could feel his heart was also open to the passionate German. Asuka was just as bad, she had the inkling of some feeling for Shinji ever after they successful tandem battle, but his apologetic nature pushed her off. Now however, Shinji seemed more mature, more accepting of people, he reminded her of Kaji, and that opened the doorway to her heart. While not knowing how deep her feelings went towards the still shy pilot, Asuka was damn sure she wasn't going to let somebody else 'be corrupted' by him.

"I don't know what type of understandings you've made, but we thank you for them. Right Ken?" Touji asked as he turned away from Shinji who had started working on homework again. A calmer Asuka by any means was appreciated. Fixing his gaze not on Asuka, but the girl with her, Touji's voice softened, "She's not that bad on us now."

A quick glimpse up at Touji, and Shinji could tell he wasn't looking at whom he was talking about. 'Hyosuke and Kaede were like that for awhile,' Shinji's mind slipped and reminded him. Shinji tried his hardest to keep those memories away, to reinforce the idea that it had all been a dream, yet he failed often. Masking his wince of agitation at his mistake Shinji asked, "Why not ask her out Touji?"

"Touji ask the demon out? They're children would be dumb cloven hoved monstrosities!" Kensuke squealed. Throwing himself dramatically to the far end of this desk and looking away from Touji, Kensuke was ripe for the rice ball to strike his face. He deserved it.

Shushing Kensuke and taking a moment for Asuka and Hikari to return to their own conversation, Shinji saw Touji was looking expectantly at him. "You like her don't you? It's not that hard to see. I think she likes you too." Touji's face paled at his feelings were that evident to Shinji, a guy who wouldn't know love if it smacked him.

'But Shinji's not quite the same anymore, maybe being that close to death changed him,' Touji thought, but didn't know if it was for the better or worse. Tossing the remaining lunch into his mouth, Touji just shook his head. "I don't know what your talking about Shin-man. I think your thoughts about the demon have got you all mixed up."

'No my feelings for Misato have me that way, but if I told you guys this you'd either not believe me or ask for pictures.' That caused a small laugh to escape Shinji's lips. Touji and Kensuke were right he wasn't the same Shinji he had been before. The boy had two sets of memories, and the hope a woman that may grow to love him. He was a lot better than he was before.

A moment later Hikari headed to the front of the classroom and announced class was about to restart. A collective groan filled the room while the students got back into their proper places. From her place unseen and unnoticed, Rei watched all both of her fellow pilots and thought to herself, 'Something has changed in Pilot Ikari and Pilot Souryu. I'll need to continue to observe them.' She would watch closely to insure Shinji was safe, she vowed to protect him and she would unto death, as a family member should.

Section-

"I don't know what you said to him, but it must have really worked," Ritsuko said chirpily as she looked at the latest test scores. Where Shinji had fallen in his ratios, after Misato said she'd talk to him, he recovered and was back on the road to fast progression. Walking over to Misato's post while sipping her coffee, Ritsuko gazed at the Captain's profile. 'Something is up with her too.'

Taking the printouts from Ritsuko's outstretched hand, Misato smiled at the readings. 'Did I do this or is it not related to 'us.'' As much as Misato was dubious about her spur of the moment decision to attempt a relationship with Shinji, it was far better than she had thought possible. "I just have a way with words is all," Misato said with a shrug and a wink.

Easing herself into a nearby chair, Ritsuko's face was graced with a smirk, "You didn't flash him and promise him more if he got better did you?" It was a cheap shot, but between friends it wasn't something to be taken seriously. Misato's eyes hardened as the words rang home and the result was Ritsuko laughing. "Kami-sama I bet Shinji would die of a nosebleed if you did that." Though part of Ritsuko doubted Shinji was innocent enough to be affected by such anymore, life and necessity had forced him to grow beyond teenage whims.

Not willing to let Ritsuko win the battle of insults Misato had her own. "Well if I left it to you and your bony ass he'd run away from Tokyo-3 forever." That shut the blond up Misato thought jovially. Misato wasn't in the mood anymore for people to be making jokes about 'her' Shinji. When he actually became 'hers' Misato didn't now, but now it seemed that he was.

Misato wasn't dumb however. At the onset of their relationship Misato was anything but willing to truly accept Shinji loved her as he claimed. Men had been telling her that they loved her ever since her breasts blossomed on her chest. 'Men often got their 'l' words confused,' Misato thought darkly. Lust wasn't love it wasn't even remotely close. So at first Misato was waiting for the shy boy to be acting coy or acting on teenage hormones and secretly be waiting for his chance at the region between her legs that most men seemed to think was the only important thing.

'But he hasn't even tried kissing me. We just talk, and enjoy each others company,' Misato realized as a small smile snuck its way onto her face as Ritsuko started discussing the next few days operation schedule. It was Misato's duty to inform the two pilots living with her that soon Asuka would be doing a dive into a volcano.

The purple haired woman's mind could care less about the operation right now, she couldn't do anything to effect the outcome anyway. Her mind kept returning to the hand that she would hold as she watched television, or the face of the man that cooked her meals, and talked about his likes, her likes, and anything she wanted to. Even though he was younger than her physically, he seemed far older than fourteen, so much so that it made her more accepting of his love, and the growing feelings blooming in her own chest.

"Then I gave birth to Gendo's child and gave it up for adoption," Ritsuko drawled on knowing that Misato wasn't listening to her. Ritsuko had noticed a very drastic change in Misato over the past few days, and it was very upsetting. The words worked as the doctor had hoped and Misato dropped the paperwork to the ground and stared blankly at Ritsuko. "Finally, thought you'd wondered so far into your own mind you got lost."

Bending over and gathering the scattered paper, Misato felt a cold bud of anger in her stomach. Ritsuko could go to far with her insults sometimes, now was one of those times. "I'm sorry I'm not living up to your expectations Ritsuko-sama, but I've got some things on my mind."

It was then that Ritsuko made a connection that she was surprised she had missed. It was so similar to when Misato and Kaji started dating that Ritsuko had almost dismissed it. They got back together, Misato and Kaji must have been hitting it off again, 'and most likely keeping the kids up at night if their not careful.' While not truly jealous of Misato, in her time with Kaji, the roguish man and she had shared more than space as well, not that Misato knew that. It was painful for Ritsuko to see others in love, while hers went unrequited. "I'm sure you've got a lot on your mind. Kaji always did make you weak in the knees didn't he."

At that moment, Misato and Ritsuko both knew they'd never quite be as good of friends again. 'Kaji has nothing to do with this. Haven't seen him since before the weapon testing,' Misato's cold bud of anger started growing hot. Shoving the papers back in Ritsuko's un-expecting chest, Misato saw the doctor take a few steps back to keep from falling over. "I'm going home. Somebody has to tell the Children that they'll be risking their lives in a few days."

Following Misato's retreating form, Ritsuko's ears thumped as the blood and adrenaline flowed fast and hard in her head. 'Maybe it's not Kaji, but something is up with her, and its' not work related.' Before she could set her mind fully on the task of dissecting Misato's behavior a voice shattered her mindset.

"Sempai were about to test to electromagnetic cage and the thermal protection, will you be coming?" Maya asked as she leaned over to get a good look in the doctor's eyes. The young tech could always cause some disruption in Ritsuko's thinking process, and Ritsuko wasn't sure if she liked that.

Section-

Tossing the remote control over to the only male resident, currently on the couch, Asuka got out of her chair. "Japanese television is so boring. I'm taking a shower then going to bed." Stifling a laugh as the remote bounced off of Shinji's unprepared head, Asuka didn't want to let her real motives be known. Misato had just told her that she would be in the lead during the next operation. She knew she was ready, but that didn't make facing death any less intimidating, especially for one so young.

Rubbing the sore spot on his head, Shinji looked at Asuka as she went into her room and back out again. 'Misato said tomorrow we'll have off then the next is this A-14 thing,' Shinji was nervous and he was only on point, he could only guess how Asuka was feeling. His suspicions were founded on the lines forming under Asuka's eyes and the nervous fidget that Shinji doubted Asuka knew she had. "Little early for bed isn't it?"

"That's why I'm taking a shower first Baka, and if you try and peek I'll gouge your eyes out and feed them to Pen-Pen." Asuka's wording was always a mystery to Shinji. He could feel the playfulness in the words that to the unknowing would sound harsh and uncaring. Passing Misato on her way to the bathroom, "Make sure he doesn't 'forget' the shower is occupied will you?"

Misato wasn't even humoring the idea of Shinji sneaking a peek he wasn't allowed to look at other naked women, especially when he hasn't seen hers yet. 'Why the hell should that matter?' Misato thought dismissively as she leaned against the wall by the bathroom, listening to the shower start. Misato was starting to feel the first urges of what Mizuho could relate too, the want to express ones love but unable. 'He's so timid about touching, not like I want to jump him or anything, but at times I think he'd panic if I hugged him unexpectedly.'

The captain knew a lot of Shinji's problems with physical contact stemmed from his problems with emotional contact. Hearing the curtain drawn, Misato was on her way to the living room, and a little together time. 'If I had his past and present I bet I'd be afraid of contact too.' It didn't take a psychiatrist to know the boy's problems weren't age related but trauma induced. 'But we are making progress.'

"Did she ask you to keep an eye on me again?" the humor in Shinji's voice was a welcome change that Misato couldn't deny. Sitting on the couch next to the boy and taking his hand in hers, she wondered briefly if his heart was beating faster too. Not giddy, but close to it, Misato felt like a school girl again as her emotions took over. Not one to believe in fate or destiny, Misato couldn't really pinpoint where the change had emerged in her, the change that allowed her to wallow in the feelings she now had.

Opting to be the initiator again, Misato slowly tugged on Shinji's arm as she reclined into a semi-lying position. Drawing Shinji partway across her chest, but not fully placing his weight on her, the two felt very good. "I have to keep you from forgetting she's in there this time." Feeling his heat permeating her shirt as she wrapped her arms around his front and rested them on his legs, Misato didn't feel the sensation of doubt she was usually presented with.

'Again the woman I love is being patient with me as I drag her down,' Shinji thought as the two of them watched television in silence. While Asuka was home they realized that talking to much wasn't a good idea, the German had an uncanny ability to hear even the most minuet sounds. Shinji saw his memories of Mizuho timidly asking him to bed on their wedding night, the time in the utility closet, and many more memories that he didn't know if were real or not. "I think I have to go to the bathroom, nobodies in there right?"

"Ha ha ha," Misato said with no humor at all. Drawing her arms tighter around Shinji's body and pulling him further into her lap, his back fully to her chest, Misato rested her chin on his shoulder. "If you try that Shinji-kun, I'll have you arrested for domestic disturbance." It would have been Asuka that broke things, but Shinji would have to pay for hurting Misato.

Using all of his willpower to suppress the memories where he went by the name Kei Kusanagi, Shinji melted into Misato's arms. The television droned on but neither of them were paying attention to it. Softly and Misato could tell reluctantly, Shinji asked, "You don't…regret this do you?"

It was a question Misato had been waiting for. Had Shinji asked the day after they chose to try, Misato would have answered differently. But time, and emotion, had a way of changing popular opinion. "No Shinji I don't. You're a lot better then some of the other guys I've dated. Do you?"

How he was better than anybody was beyond him. Surely Misato knew he was a frail, meek, and overly apologetic person so why did she believe otherwise? His own small hand clasped onto Misato's and squeezed it for a moment then relaxed. "I'm shocked you didn't ask to call this off after day two. I'd never believe you'd be happy with me. I'd never regret it."

The full honesty of Shinji's words left a tingling in Misato's stomach, and a budding of other wanting. Kissing his cheek softly, Misato lapsed into silence, broken only by their breathing. Feeling Shinji's body rise and fall with each breath she took, Misato breathing in Shinji's smell, and he hers. It was intoxicating and maddening at the same time. Part of Shinji was fully aware that if he were to ask Misato if she wanted to try moving forward, she'd offer no resistance. Misato knew the same, but neither of them said a word.

When Asuka stepped out of the shower, clad in her towel, she found the two still on the couch. Not as they had been up until the water stopped however, they sat a respectable distance apart. 'He's a pervert I know, but he's a good one,' Asuka's secret smile never left her face until she was in her room and preparing for bed.

Choosing to take a shower of his own, a nice long cold one, Shinji bid Misato goodnight. As the cold water cascaded down his body, memories again resurfaced. 'At least when I was with Mizuho we had somebody I could go to for help, and we didn't have to hide when we were home, but now…' His slim hand slammed against the shower wall and his arm exploded with pain. "I can't keep thinking about that, it was a dream…only a dream," Shinji whispered to himself. But was it? All those memories, those feelings, had they all been one big lie? He wasn't so sure, all he knew was his hand still stung, and he was grateful for the distraction.

Section-

Confusion. Splashing the sulfurous water against her body and face, Asuka hoped to banish her confusion to the onsen. 'He saved me.' Only moments away from death, and at peace with her self, Asuka's life was saved in an act of heroism she thought the boy incapable. The redhead knew she didn't give the meek boy enough credit, but that was out of her realm of conception. 'Why would he risk his own life when I've never really been that nice to him?'

Dropping her towel around her feet, Misato eased into the soothing waters and tried not to sit on any pointed rocks. Misato wasn't confused, she was angry. Was she angry because Shinji risked his life, the Eva, or was it jealousy? Jealousy sprung from his lack of hesitation when it came to saving the girl in the bath with her? But she couldn't let that air now, in her best attempt at a pleasant voice, "Aren't open air baths the best?"

Jumping in surprise, Asuka's head swerved towards the offending voice. Misato was with her now, and Asuka hadn't even heard the woman approach. Gazing at the body of a full grown woman was enough to cause Asuka to have a bout of intimidation. Slinking into the water and letting it mask her own nudity, the girl scoffed. "What is it with you Japanese and privacy? In Germany we have walls and nobody even thinks of everybody around nude." Truly it was culture clash for the German, but she wouldn't be goaded into not doing it. 'I have my pride, and I won't let her gloat about me being to afraid to take a bath.'

Feeling self-conscious when Asuka's eyes fell upon her scar and stared at it, Misato found her arms bunched in front of her chest. Only Kaji had seen it before, and that wasn't something Misato had a lot of pleasure in remembering. "We're just more open Asuka. Its not that bad is it?" Was she considering Asuka a rival now? It was stupid to think so, but part of Misato thought that if Shinji and Asuka got together it would be better for all of them. She squashed that feeling.

The dividing wall came into view, the male half was empty now, but soon Shinji would be there. How was he feeling after jumping into the volcano? Was he in pain because he didn't have any protection like she had? Why had he done it? Would she have done it? Thoughts, questions, and possibilities wafted almost insanely in Asuka's mind. Through all her internal debate all that showed on the surface was, "I guess I should thank him, or apologize…or something."

"Shinji, oh don't mention it to him, I'm sure he'd just get flustered," Misato joked. It was the truth however, and both women knew it. He did what he thought was right, and although she had to sanction him for it, Misato couldn't blame him for being himself. More to the point however, "And was that concern in your voice Asuka?" Her fake cheer turning into something darker, "Are you worried about him?"

On the verge of being discovered, of having a weakness exposed, Asuka clammed up. Locked the door to her heart and sank it in the darkest part of her mind. "Of course not! Just after you harped on him for saving my life, thank you very much for not being concerned like he was by the way, I feel he deserves more than having his ass chewed off for saving my life." Small waves circled around Asuka's arms as she plunged them deeply into the water.

Seeing Asuka in a new light, Misato hated herself for using her knowledge of Asuka's past to her advantage. Knowing what buttons to push and how hard to push them, Misato plucked every answer from Asuka that she wanted with carefully worded questions. In the end, Misato knew what even Asuka only speculated, 'she likes him, not love but that can come later.' Pulling her body out of the water and sitting on a nearby flat rock, "Oh don't get so mad Asuka. You know I'm glad he did it too," but was she? "But for procedure sake I had to do that."

"Whatever, I'm getting out before I start to smell like this funky water," Asuka claimed as she wrapped her towel around her body and headed to the reception area. Passing Shinji on his own way into the male half, Asuka thanked him the best way she knew how, she didn't yell at him for seeing her in just a towel. The real thank you came later that night as the apartment settling down for sleep. She'd sneak into his room, wake him, and thank him in a hushed whisper before heading back to her room feeling honestly good for the first time in a long time.

Back at the onsen however, Shinji was finding a box containing the family pet. Letting Pen-Pen into the onsen was a risk Misato had taken, but Shinji wasn't upset. 'I guess he really is a warm water penguin, he looks so happy.' Watching the bird leisurely floating across the surface of the water, Shinji couldn't keep the small smile off his face. He had done good today, regardless as to how it was viewed by the higher ups at Nerv, and Misato.

Breathing in heavily the bitter scent of the water, Shinji let it work its healing magic on his aching body. "Feels like I've been dipped in boiling water for way to long," Shinji told his bathing partner. His worries about Misato were slowly abating. He couldn't doubt his own feelings, they were too strong, but he could doubt hers. A lot was on the line for Misato for seeing him. Her job, her reputation, and maybe even her self respect but she was trying as was he, and it seemed to be working.

"But will she be content to just hold hands? Mizuho wasn't nor was I for that matter…" was it Shinji's voice or Kei's voice speaking, were they actually different? Was one even real? Slapping his face sharply to regain his focus, Shinji was greeted by a very welcome yet unexpected sight.

"Oh, I forgot to check if anybody was in here," Misato said with fake surprise and concern. Letting Shinji get a nice look before sliding into the mens' side of the bath, Misato was embarrassed to be so bold, but if you want something sometimes you have to be bold. And with her new information about Asuka, Misato felt the need to stack the deck. All Shinji could do is remind himself that Misato wasn't Mizuho, she was in fact very much bolder, and that didn't matter as he cared for her regardless.

He'd care and so would she, and for now that was all that mattered to them.

End Chapter-

And we see the beginning of the Shinji/Misato side of the story. Trying not to make Shinji to bold yet to reserved. He's not the same as he was before. The memories and experiences with his 'wife' would alter any man. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and continue to support this and my other works.

On a side note, anybody out there in fic-land that orders anything from a mail-order catalogue…READ THE DAMN INSTRUCTIONS! My new job is to interpret customers wants from their terribly written order forms…yet its funny to read the hate mail we get. People blame the destruction of the planet on my employer…funny I thought I was on the side of good not evil.

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie at secondimpact dot com)


	6. Growing Confusion

Standard disclaimer

Well I'm back on this story. Little later than I had hoped but I was helping a new writer with her story again. It's a good story, you should check it out. Well work is going well and money is good, and I'm nearly adapted enough to it to write during the week…if that interests you out there.

Well I'm oddly out of things to drone on about so I'll just jump into it.

The costumes are pressed, the lines rehearsed, and the actors are taking the stage…

X-X

Divergence

Chapter –6 Growing Confusion

Sitting at their desks in the slowly filling classroom, Hikari and Asuka were perplexed. The last two weeks had seen a lot of changes for their class, the most evident was Touji's abrupt and unexpected asking of Hikari out for a date on the upcoming weekend. Hikari was thrilled to finally have the dimwitted jock who she had almost given up hope on finally pull through. The other change was the driving force that got Touji to move, Shinji. "Did something happen to him while he was gone last month?" Hikari asked as she looked over at the three stooges and seeing Shinji.

Following Hikari's gaze, Asuka just shook her head. "Maybe he finally broke his weakness gland." Asuka tried to sound indignant, like she really didn't care what changes may have occurred in the smaller boy, but Hikari picked up enough turbulence in her voice to know the truth. The change in the young Ikari had a domino affect and Asuka was in the path of it. 'He's calmer, less prone to taking the blame for everything, he's he's…' Asuka's mind trailed off as Hikari started waving her hands in front of her face.

"Did you even hear my question Asuka?" Hikari nearly giggled as Asuka's face contorted into a grimace then her nose wrinkled up in confusion. Obviously the young German had missed the question entirely. Her own suspicion that Asuka had a thing for her fellow pilot was growing like a seedling in the sun. "I said you could always come with Touji and me to the movies this weekend. A double date if you would."

A blaze started in Asuka's stomach and it raged into her throat and chest. Temporarily loosing her breath at the suddenness and frankness at which Hikari had thrown her own fears in her face. That being having some feelings for Shinji, unknown as to how much, but feelings that she deemed a weakness. Shaking her head roughly from side to side, Asuka nearly screeched, "What makes you think I want to do that! I have no desire to date that spore!"

The red-head's outburst drawing the full attention of the class, Hikari wished she could collapse under her desk until they looked away. In hushed tones, "Asuka! Sit down and calm down ok! It was just a question." Stealing a peak over at the topic of outburst, Hikari was bewildered to see Shinji was actually looking back at them and, 'Is…is he smiling?' As quick as she thought she saw a small smile in the lips of the only male pilot it was gone. With the heat of her embarrassment slowly fading and Asuka seemed to be calm, Hikari tried to be honest again with her friend.

Looking at Asuka's closed eyes as the German wasn't ready to really face anything, as her declaration still seemed to hang about the classroom. "I hate to break this to you Asuka, but maybe you haven't noticed how much Ikari-kun's changes have had on how he's being seen." Even now a few of the other girls in the glass had semi-content looks on their face. Asuka had been viewed as the block to any other girls' attempts at the young man. But if Asuka was so averse to dating the boy that meant the doorway may be open for them.

With her chest finally relaxing and the sound of her blood in her head no long a deafening thunder, Asuka looked at Hikari again. "What are you talking about? So he's not as pathetic as he used to be, it's not like he's 'that' much better." Part of Asuka's brain was laughing at her as she spoke, it called her a liar and even more painful it called her a coward. 'I might just be feeling responsible since he saved me…nothing more…I can't have 'those' feelings for him.'

Sparing the clock looming above all the students like the grim reaper ready to kill their fun, Hikari checked to insure she had time to fully tell Asuka what she meant. "Well I don' t know if this just started or not, but I've heard a few girls gossiping lately. Seems Ikari-kun has picked up in popularity. If you don't do anything you may find that he ends up in the arms of somebody else." As her words left her lips, Hikari analyzed Asuka's face for any signs of recognition. Finding the German's mask of un-caring firmly in place, Hikari just shrugged her shoulders and headed to the front of the classroom to start the ritual of the day. 'I told her, it's up to her now.'

'He couldn't…wouldn't go out with somebody else…right?' Asuka asked herself as she stole a look at Shinji. Out of the corner of her eye, Asuka saw something that troubled her even more, 'Why is Wondergirl looking at him?' A small numbing sensation started to crawl up her legs and made its home in her gut. Suddenly not so sure of herself or what she should do, Asuka was going to make it a point to talk to that little blue haired freak. As she stood at Hikari's command, her legs uneasy and shaky, another fear lanced Asuka's unconscious 'what if he already is…and that's why he's been different?'

X-X

"If he keeps improving like he is, the next sync test might give us a new best pilot," Ritsuko claimed a she took her seat across from Misato's desk. The doctor had been worried that after the volcano incident that Shinji would have taken another decline in his piloting ability, but for the moment that didn't seem to be the case.

Listening to Ritsuko but not hearing the woman, Misato had other things on her mind. "Yeah…you might be right," Misato said automatically. Her mind was more attuned to what waited her when her shift ended. Would it be another peaceful night of talking, television, and resenting Asuka being there for Misato? 'Would things even be different if she wasn't there though?' Misato didn't know the answer to her own question.

Leaning over the desk and looking into the blank eyes of Misato, Ritsuko had had enough of the secrets the woman has holding. "What's gotten into you now Misato?" The purple haired woman's eyes opened wider for a moment as she was called back into the present. "You've been gone for more than a few days now, your mystery boyfriend taking up to much of your sleep patter?" Ritsuko was sure it was a man that had caused the initial burst of content ness in Misato, and now a month later the reality of things must be crushing down on her. 'Another man want you for your body?'

Needing to talk about her problems, but with nobody else to go to, Misato wondered briefly if she could trust Ritsuko enough to answer her questions but not learn to whom the problem emanated. The feeling of drowning in a sea of helplessness forced Misato's voice to creak out her questions. "Its the opposite actually." Misato had long past given up the idea that Ritsuko didn't know that she was in a relationship. "I'm game but he's not."

That was a shocker for the faux blond. A man not wanting to delve into the 'mating ritual.' Leaning back in her chair, Ritsuko's knowledge of Misato helped clear up why Misato was overlooking such a blessing. Misato was the type of person that liked expressing her feelings physically. Kaji had been one that liked receiving such expressions, so that did mean it wasn't Kaji Misato was seeing. "Did you try talking to him about it? Maybe he has phobias or something?"

'Psychological problems more like it.' Misato reasoned bitterly. Things had been odd before Shinji's small coma, but now it had blossomed into full-blown incompressibility. "I guess I could talk to him, but we've only been seeing each other for a month, what if…what if he thinks it's to forward?" Misato left out the part that the other person was only fourteen, but in her minds eye now Shinji's physical age started mattering less and less. The angels didn't care about killing children, why should she care about loving one?

A small bitter smile crept across Ritsuko's face. Part of the scientist could see that by Misato even asking this the woman did love the man, but the other part, the part she found humorous was how out of the loop Misato seemed to be. "By today's standards I don't think a month of seeing each other would constitute soon. Hell how many couples are in the sack after their first date….you and Kaji…" Had Misato's eyes been giving even the slightest weight, Ritsuko would have died instantly.

A dull senseless anger started to flow through Misato's veins whenever Kaji's name was mentioned to her in that context. "I was young and stupid Ritsuko, and did it ever cross your 'brilliant' mind that I don't want a relationship based on sex?" Misato's words came steaming out of her mouth, a sick mixture of spittle and heat. Misato didn't want that type of relationship with Shinji. She loved the quiet moments, which were all too common from the very rare hug and even rarer kiss. 'I can count the number of times he kissed me on one hand with fingers left.'

Waving her hands back in forth to ward off Misato's advance, Ritsuko was stunned again at how defensive Misato was about her new Beau. "Sorry, its just I've never seen you so…passionate about a guy before. Even when you were with Kaji…it wasn't like this. I guess I should be congratulating you." Part of Ritsuko hated Misato for it though. Her own love life was abysmal if you even considered it a love life. She was the walking sex toy for the man she loved who often called her the wrong name. And here Misato was upset that she couldn't get her guy in bed, a guy that had a very strong affect on her friend.

Thinking over Ritsuko's words and accepting them as they had been meant to be, Misato's face relaxed and her legs that had felt like tightened coils went lax. "Yeah," a smile crept on her face and blossomed as Misato thought of what she did have to go home to. "Thanks Ritsuko. Sorry about yelling, I just want it to be right this time. So…what do you think I should do?" Feeling that Ritsuko was a good candidate after all to talk too, Misato's reservations fled her mind and she hoped for the best from Ritsuko's doctrine.

Resting her chin on her upturned palm, Ritsuko gave careful consideration to the question. "Let me ask you a few things. Do you think if you tried something he'd stop you?" Some men liked to be in total control of such things, Gendo was such a man, and if Ritsuko ever tried to move on her own accord…well the only time she tried she had to hide the bruise. Misato said she didn't know, she doubted it. "In that case, why not cook or in your case order out, talk to him about this frankly and if he doesn't seem too worried…take initiative."

Nodding to Ritsuko's plan, but not liking it, Misato replied, "I could try that, but I don't think you had to go so far about my cooking." That earned a smile and laugh from both women, but a darker spot in Misato's mind questioned her. Would Ritsuko suggest you do anything if she knew it was Shinji? 'No she'd be disgusted.' Why aren't you disgusted by the idea? 'Cause I know him better now, I I think I do love him.' Does that make it better? Acceptable? "I don't know," Misato said softly to herself.

Hearing her friend's soft words, Ritsuko mistook them for self-doubt of a different nature. "If worse comes to worse, have a few drinks with him and the next morning if he's upset blame the booze, if he's not then problem solved." Surely many couples had their first night as a result of to much drink. 'Surprised Misato hadn't tried that already.'

"He's not to much of a drinker," Misato said sheepishly. 'He's not old enough,' her mind told her. But the idea of talking to Shinji about her problem and her wants seemed promising. Maybe they wouldn't go as far as Kaji and she had done, but a little more was all she was hoping for. The two women continued to converse for a good hour before Ritsuko left to prepare the test plugs for the soon to be arriving pilots.

X-X

"Don't worry about me Baka, I'm heading over to Hikari's then to the mall," Asuka yelled from the doorway as she put her shoes on. It was a lie, she had a different destination in mind, but Shinji didn't need to know that, not yet anyway. "Just leave my food in the microwave," Asuka said as an afterthought, she doubted she'd find anyplace to eat on her way about today.

Humming a small tune to himself as he heard the door close, Shinji wondered what Asuka was up to. She'd been squirrelly all day at school, and during the sync test she was anything but concentrating. 'But I guess that means…we're alone for awhile,' Shinji thought as he cast his gaze towards the bathroom where Misato was showering after a long day at work. Time alone was seldom given to them, and the small time they did have he worried about it being lost or they discovered. Calling out loud enough for Misato to hear over the running water, "Suppers ready."

From inside the small apartment bathroom, Misato heard the cattle call for food and quickly dried off. 'If I don't move fast enough Asuka will hog most of it,' Misato thought almost jovially. Sliding into her most relaxing clothing the woman headed out to find the table set with only two plates. Looking at the young cook confused, "Did something happen?"

Seeing how the water Misato missed when she dried herself pulled the skimpy clothing tightly against Misato's body, Shinji's face turned a rosy pink. Forcing his eyes back to the table and the ladle in his hand, "Asuka said she was going over to Hikari's then the mall. So its just…" Shinji's voice and breath was lost as saw the smile spread across Misato's face. In the back of his mind Shinji could clearly remember Mizaho's hair and how it glistened just like Misato's when wet. 'The beach was fu…' Balling his fingers tightly into fists his nails bite into his flesh. Filling the plates with food, Shinji tried to banish the false memories.

Taking up where Shinji left off, "It's just us today then." She had hoped for the chance to talk to Shinji, she just never expected it so soon. Her earlier eagerness seemed to lose some of its power in the face of completion. So lost in her own self-doubt, Misato missed the far away and frightened look on Shinji's face. Fortunately he recovered before Misato looked up from the plate of well-prepared food. "It smells great," Misato said almost dumbly.

'She looked…she looked just like…just like her!' Shinji's mind reeled as he sat down to his own plate, thanking Misato for the compliment, but not even truly hearing it. Misato when she looked lost or sad her face despite the physical changes looked like Mizaho's. So much so that Shinji nearly slipped when he responded and called her by the wrong name. Bringing himself back to reality, "So how has work been…you seemed a little distracted during the test today?"

Picking at the broccoli on the plate, "I've been thinking about things Shinji. About us." Misato could see the instant reaction on Shinji's face, the fear and apprehension that he was feeling was mirrored in herself. "I don't want to pressure you…or make you uncomfortable about anything. But I think we need to talk about a few things." Why was it so hard to talk about something that used to come so easily to her? She had used to love teasing Shinji with her body when he moved in. The revealing clothing, the odd questions, and even the occasional peck on the cheek, but now that they were together…it was so much harder.

Regardless of the memories or false memories of Mizuho and the others from his dream, Shinji truly cherished his time with Misato. He didn't want to lose her, not after realizing that he did love the woman. 'But if that's what she wants…I can't stop her. I can't even blame her if she wants to.' Suddenly not that hungry Shinji slid his plate away from his chair. "What do you want to talk about?" It could have been any number of things, but the worst-case scenario often comes first to mind.

Summing her courage up in a ball, Misato bite the bullet. "Shinji are you comfortable with the way…with how we…are you happy with me physically?" The bluntness of her statement left an echo of words reverberating in phantom tones that weren't real but both people heard. 'Kami-sama I feel so dirty about this and I shouldn't. Its natural, isn't it?' She couldn't keep the blush from cresting her face however, or the feeling that somebody somewhere would be very angry for her saying such.

Swallowing hard, Shinji just looked at Misato. Sure he wouldn't have minded a few more steps in the progression of their relationship, but he was so much younger than her. 'I can't just ask her about this, I didn't want her thinking…' He had to tell her that part, he had so many worries about so many things that they all converged into a wall of immobility. "Misato-san. I…I'm happy with anything you give me. I don't need any more than that," and that was true. Shinji, more than anything simply craved love in any form. "If you're happy holding hands, than we can hold hands, if…if you want more I can try to help."

'He's so innocent…' part of Misato's mind said, but the rational part saw it for what it was. Part of Shinji's motive truly was innocent, but a larger part was his need for affection. The poor childhood, his current life, and all the problems in his life resulted in the need for love, and through her he was getting it. "Let's go watch some television then…maybe a good romance movie," Misato stood and waited for Shinji to walk over to her where she took his hand and lead him to the couch. Thirty minutes later the movie, indeed a romance movie, played to an ignorant crowd. Shinji was seeing for the second time, the scar on Misato's chest as the two moved forward. While it wasn't as far as Misato and Kaji had gone, it was further than the two lovers had gone before. But chose to wait a little long before truly making the last few steps.

X-X

Across the city, Asuka was nearing the end of her walk. She hadn't intended to walk the whole way but the train's stopped running to that particular section of Tokyo-3 a long time ago. 'Wondergirl is going to explain why she's watching that Baka so much,' Asuka stopped outside of Rei's apartment and looked up and the decaying building. "She lives…here?" Somehow it didn't seem right for anybody to live in such squalor but the computer readout said this was Rei's address.

Walking up the stairs, she didn't trust the look of the elevator, Asuka stood outside of Rei's apartment. 'At school she hardly took her eyes off him, during the test she was watching him, maybe something is going on between them and their keeping it secret.' But why come and ask her about it, why not ask Shinji himself? Asuka's hand halted in mid-air. Why didn't she just ask Shinji? The answer was that it was Rei that was acting odd towards him, not the other way around. And who else could it be that would try something with Shinji? 'Well if she's even planning it I'm going to stop her from making a mistake,' Asuka nodded to her own conclusion and proceeded to knock hard on the door.

Silence was all that greeted her. Growing agitated, Asuka knocked again, this time harder. Letters shoved in the mail slot started to fall and gather on the floor as Asuka applied more and more pressure. 'Fine she doesn't want to answer the door I'll just…' Asuka's hand slide down to the handle of the door and was about to turn it when a voice from behind her muttered in a low voice.

"What are you doing at my domicile Second Child?" Rei asked with little real care as to why the emotional pilot had deemed it necessary to visit. 'I could question her about her relationship with Ikari-kun however. My observations have proved useless in discerning what has transpired between them.'

Spinning on her heels and coming face to face with the pale girl, Asuka's gaze was level and scrutinizing. "Why are you watching Shinji?" Asuka didn't like standing in the hell hole, and hoped she didn't come down with anything from the air or by stepping on anything. The smell alone Asuka thought could be poisonous.

Walking past Asuka who was now clearly anxious to be gone, Rei went to her door and turned the knob and walked in. As she entered and took her shoes off, she could hear Asuka's soft, 'she doesn't lock her door?' To Rei locking the door was pointless, anything she had could be replaced, even her body if things came to such. Shinji however couldn't be, and she wouldn't fail in protecting him, something about him just made her want to, regardless of orders. "His actions have altered as of late," was all Rei said as she walked deeper into the darkness of her apartment.

Asuka watched as Rei's silhouette vanished into the depths of the room. She waited for a light to come on so she could see her way. When the light never was lit, she reluctantly followed. The cryptic response was not what she wanted to hear. Stumbling over discarded medical waste, empty food containers, and bloodied bandages, Asuka wondered if being in the apartment was any safer than being outside of it. "What do you mean his actions are altered, what are you two doing?"

Slightly irritated that the Second Child wasn't satisfied with her answer and followed her into her apartment, Rei didn't show it. The pale girl simply continued to prepare her simple meal. "I have had no external involvement with Ikari-kun outside of testing and school." Rei didn't like dealing with Asuka, the German was too quick to emotion and unsolicited acts. 'But if that is what Ikari-kun wants.'

"Don't pretend like nothing is going on between you two, he's too different, are you two screwing or what?" Asuka nearly yelled as Rei's indifference was slowly eating away at her confidence. Rei had that affect on Asuka. The way the quiet girl just eased her way through everything without so much as a care. 'She's looking down her nose at us as she's the damned favorite despite what she says!'

The idea of being intimate with Shinji had never really crossed Rei's mind, and having Asuka accuse her of it caused her checks to brighten for a moment. "That is not the case. I have noticed over the last month a change in his personal habits and I have taken to trying to understand why." Biting into the two pieces of lettuce sandwiched between rye bread, Rei had suspected it was Asuka that was the cause. "I was under the belief that you had been the cause of that. It seems I was mistaken."

The confusion that Rei's answer had about them was something else Asuka hated. "What do you mean you thought I was the cause of his change in personality?" She hadn't done anything different in her actions with Shinji prior to or after his accident. 'Why can't she just answer questions like a normal person?' she thought finding herself ready to leave, it was clear that Rei wasn't the cause in his more mature attitude.

Drinking her bottled water, the tap water had stopped being drinkable after a main ruptured, now the water from her faucet was brownish black, Rei finished her meal. "I had observed Ikari-kun watching you on occasion, I had thought either you had noticed and commented on thus, or he had changed his preferences." Why Ikari-kun seemed to like the German was something Rei never bothered to think about, she could not tell why people did what they did anyway.

Her eyes grew hard, then softened. Rei hadn't been insulting her, nor had she done anything wrong. Momentarily unable to think of anything pertinent to say, or a reason to stay, Asuka turned. "T…thank you for helping me I guess," the superiority was absent from her voice as she headed down the darkened hallway back to the hallway. Rei watched Asuka walk away then proceeded to do her homework. Asuka's mind however was running in circles. 'He was watching me? Maybe moved on? What…what does that mean?' She didn't know, and the not knowing was what frightened her.

X-X

Lying in his bed that night, Shinji was happy and confused at the same time. His time with Misato had done much to add to his worries and at the same time avail them. If she wanted to spend time with him like that it meant she wasn't having doubts about their relationship. But while he kissed her he couldn't help but notice the subtle differences between Misato and Mizuho's lips. And the one set of lips didn't even exist, couldn't exist. But he could clearly remember the first good kiss he and Mizuho shared. 'Maybe I should tell somebody about this…I hope I'm not having a break down or anything.'

Shinji's internal monologue was broken as his door slowly slid open and a shadow cast his visitor's body on the ground. Straining his eyes against the light Shinji made out the smaller frame which signified Asuka had again came to visit him. Not since the hushed thank you after the onsen had she snuck into his room. "Asuka, what are you doing?" It was well past the time the young woman usually went to sleep.

"Can we talk Shinji, something has been bugging me lately," Asuka asked as she rubbed her forearm unconsciously while she walked the short distance of his room. Taking a seat on the edge of his bed, Asuka looked at the boy. A short time ago he would be panicking if I did this she thought, but he isn't, not now, maybe never again. Watching him sit up in his bed, she continued, "You seem different lately. More laid back, calmer, and I want to know way, what's happened to you to make you change so much?"

'How much can I tell her that she would believe?' Shinji thought sadly. He didn't even realize he had changed that much. Looking at Asuka's profile as she looked across his room, Shinji was momentarily lost in the beauty the foreign girl had. While still young, Shinji could easily tell how time would gracefully mold Asuka's features into that of a near goddess. Shaking away such thoughts, "I've just been thinking more about how my old way of acting wasn't very productive or healthy."

'He's holding back…hiding something,' Asuka's intuition told her. Facing the boy, who she noticed slept in a very light t-shirt, "That can't be all of it, why the sudden change. One day you're Mr. Meek and now you…your just not." It didn't make sense in words, but the idea was so strong. He just wasn't the same person he had been.

The moonlight from his window spilling over Asuka's face, playing with her features and complexion left Shinji very nervous. 'Damn it! Why am I thinking of Herikawa! She doesn't exist!' Tearing his eyes away from Asuka and looking at his concealed body, hidden by sheets, he didn't know what to say that would satisfy Asuka. "I don't know…I just…just am now."

Witnessing the change in Shinji's continence, the drop from confident to scared, Asuka could sense his inner doubt. In an act of boldness, Asuka's hand went to Shinji's chin and forced him to look at her, she didn't like what she saw. His eyes were misting over as he contemplated just how much he didn't understand about what was happening to himself. 'He's having problems but not looking for help…that idiot.' But even though he was vulnerable something about the whole situation was working strangely on her mind. Her fears of Rei and him being an item, Rei's words that implied that Shinji might like her, or might have stopped liking her, she didn't know, but she did know she was leaning closer to him.

From her hiding spot at the door, Misato was biting heavily on her thumb to keep from screaming. She had heard Asuka moving in her room and followed the young woman. She listened to Asuka talk to Shinji and now she was watching the German move in to kiss her man. 'What are you thinking Shinji?' Misato's jealousy said, thankfully her analytical side realized that he wasn't thinking at all. Then when Asuka started leaning in however, jealousy won control of the body. Opening the door loudly and turning on the light Misato marched into the room, a mask of indifference on her face. "What are you two doing so late at night?"

Asuka blushed and pulled away, Shinji however wasn't so quick to recover. Doubt of himself and of the future, Asuka's words, Misato's words, and now the look on Misato's face, devoid of all caring or concern about him. Shinji just felt his heart lurching as his body pitched forward. "Ew you pervert what are you doing!" Asuka yelled at him, but he hardly heard it, as he fell forward his body came to rest against Asuka's chest, and she wasn't happy. Winding back and slapping the boy hard, Shinji lost consciousness.

X-X

'Asuka must have hit me really hard,' Shinji said rubbing his cheek as the phantom pain lingered. Then he felt wetness against his face, and the light registered as being way to bright. "Wha…what happened?" Shinji asked as his vision cleared and the black clad woman clutched his body tightly.

"Kei-kun you withdrew again! Thankfully it was just for about an hour, don't scare me like that!" Mizuho said as she clutched Shinji's head to her chest and gave her younger sister a stern look. Mizuho felt the man in her arms crying hard, he must have been so scared, "It's ok, you're all better now…you woke up." But did he? Or did he merely fall back to sleep?

X-end chapter-X

Author notes

Yup scenery change again. Hope I didn't make Asuka or Rei to OOC, or at all for that matter. Hope you guys liked this chapter and continue to support it and me. Reviews, questions, comments always welcome

Ja mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie-at-secondimpatct-dot-com)


	7. Understanding

Standard Disclaimer

Hello everybody again! The cycle has drawn that this is the next chapter that I'll be writing. This story is actually nearing its completion so hope you're enjoying it. The idea in my mind is hard to convey but I hope you're all getting it, or at the least enjoying it. I finished my 'training' period at my job and starting soon, tomorrow, I'll be actually doing the job I'm being paid for. Wish me luck and if all goes well I'll be writing all the more.

Well the actors are rehearsed, the stage is cleaned and prepared, and the audience is hushed.

X-X

Divergence

Chapter 7 – Dawning Realization

Looking at the cascading mountains of flying rock and dirt, the crisscross pattern of grass, swaying at the force of the dark pit in the distance, and the blinding light of a star no human eye had ever seen from earth, Shinji gripped tightly to the arms that encircled him. How could it have been less than an hour that he had 'withdrew?' 'All that time with Misato, my friends at school, and even Asuka's rescue at the volcano…so much time had passed but…but she…' Shinji's mind rattled on more and more experiences he had since he deemed Mizuho and their marriage a dream.

Stroking Kei's hair and looking menacingly at her younger sister, Mizuho was a mixture of happiness and anger. "Maho you apologize to Kei now! You've been needlessly mean to him when he's been having such hardships already!" Rubbing her arms against her husband's cool skin, holding him tightly against her body, Mizuho was slightly happy to be given such a rare treat at such a high cost. Maho's meek apology and Hatsuho's speedy arrival and departure with Maho in tow left the married couple alone. Mizuho's hands reluctantly pulled away as she gazed down at her man in her lax arms.

Shinji, feeling the lessening in his constraints met Mizuho's gaze reluctantly, waiting for her to fade from his vision like a puff of smoke. "Are…are you real? Am I…really here?" his timid voice still more confident and yet alien to Shinji's ears all but answering his own question. His heart quickened in his chest as Mizuho nodded softly, her eyes soft and caring shimmered with unshed tears that had nearly spilled in fear now in joy.

"Kei, Maho told me you 'withdrew' because you were afraid I was unhappy with you…with us." Mizuho's wafting words and kind smile threatened to break as the look in her husband's eyes grew wide with fear and confusion. Shaking her head slowly, her hair swaying across Kei's face, Mizuho leaned in and kissed her husband's lips briefly. "Have more confidence in yourself Kei, in us. We'll make it through this."

'This is real…this is real!' Shinji's mind resounded in his mind over and over again, trying to force it to sink in and for himself to believe it. But he had to tell her, tell her what had happened, that he had left her again. "We will…but…but I think I'm losing my mind." Pulling himself out of Mizuho's grip before getting to his feet and helping his wife to do the same, Shinji could see how Mizuho didn't fully understand. No matter once they left this bizarre dimension he'd tell her everything. "Can…can we go now? This place still scares me a bit."

Remembering Kei's first visit to their current dimension, Mizuho smiled broadly, as she correctly guessed that he had remembered it as well. 'He's almost back to normal, almost fully my Kei-kun again,' Mizuho gladly complied with his wishes and teleported to two back to their apartment where her mother had just finished administering a lecture to her sister about how Mizuho's taste in men was hereditary.

X-X

'School starts again next week,' Shinji thought as he put his book down and stared out the window. The silence in the apartment was nearly deafening but he was adamant that he would let Mizuho bid farewell to her mother and sister alone, 'no need to add undue stress on things.' Maho had been oddly quiet the day following her nearly killing him, but Shinji didn't try to look to deeply at it. "Well with them leaving I'll…we'll be able to talk about a few things and we can…" Shinji's voice died as the door opened and a quick look found Maho looking bashfully at him. "Maho-chan did you forget something?"

Taking off her shoes and walking into the living room area of the apartment, Maho curled her toes over the others. "Yeah…could you help me look for it?" the young girl's eyes never leaving the pink ones of Kei's. Watching the man move to the collection of movies and cd's that was the only items aside from Mizuho's teaching aid's in the room, she snuck over to him. 'He's not a bad guy and sis really does love him…I guess…I guess he can make her happy.' She almost thought she heard him asking what she was actually looking for, but what she wanted wasn't anything physical. Building her courage Maho leaned in quickly and kissed her brother-in-law on the cheek.

Feeling the moist yet soft lips of his wife's sister, Shinji fell back away from the source. "Maho-chan what…what are you doing?" his panicked voice, shrill and high reverberated in the small room. A crash from the doorway, the sound of vegetables and plastic, drew both sets of eyes to it. "Mizuho! It's not what you think…she…I…Maho?" Shinji yelled at Maho to explain what she had been thinking in kissing him, her response was to smile, stick her tongue out and teleport away.

'Everybody gets what I want! Mother gets to hold him, Maho gets to kiss him, and Herikawa…Herikawa…' Mizuho's eyes misted again as she crumpled to her knees on the floor. Fear of losing Kei to the girl that would have been his had he not been forced to wed her never left Mizuho's mind for long. The summer was supposed to be a time for the two of them to cement their vows, but then Kei lost his memory, then her mother's visit at the time that had almost been a point of full recovery. Hating herself for being weak and crying like this, Mizuho soon found herself in a loving embrace. "K..Kei?"

A brief moment of fear filtered Shinji's mind, 'is that really me?' it said to him as memories of the life of Shinji Ikari battled with the nearly complete memories of Kei Kusanagi. A firm resolution fell onto his features, Mizuho didn't see it as her eyes were hidden behind her hands, but in that moment both aspects in the mind of Shinji came to a realization, 'I have to be strong for her,' pulling the hands away from Mizuho's eyes, Shinji basked in the tranquil bluish purple. "I love you Mizuho," a small smile crept onto his face, "have faith in me." Repeating her own words to Mizuho had just struck him as to funny. Before the woman could say a word Shinji pulled her against her and tried his best to reassure his wife with another of their seldom kisses.

It wasn't the clumsy kiss that Mizuho had grown to know and be slightly frustrated with, it was more experienced, more filled with feeling, and she loved it. Pulling him closer to keep him from ending the embrace before she was ready, the beautiful teacher basked in the experience. 'He's right…I have to trust him, as he has to trust me,' the two stayed locked in their embrace for a genial period of time, happy to find assurance in something. Shinji believing it was anchoring him in reality, Mizuho their marriage, both needed it to make things real. The kiss ended when Mizuho pushed forward unexpectedly and the two toppled over and fell to the floor. Her blush accentuating her face nicely Mizuho joked, "Have you been practicing Kei?"

Mizuho hadn't expected the sudden crashing of Kei's features, falling from joy to a mix of shock and fear. "Mizuho…we need to talk about something. During my last 'withdrawal' on Maho's ship…I went back." Shinji hoped his voice wasn't as fragile as he thought it was, pushing himself off the ground and back into a seated position he could see he had his wife's full attention. "Lets go to the couch, this is going to take a little time," he reluctantly said. He didn't want to bring to mood down so suddenly, but it was something that they had to discus, he would trust Mizuho as she had asked, and hope. Seated on the couch, Mizuho's hands entwined with his own Shinji recounted everything that happened, whether it was during the time he had 'withdrew' or merely woke up was the only thing Shinji or Kei refused to say.

As Kei's voice stopped for what Mizuho believed was the end of his recounting, she fell back heavily against the cushions of the couch. 'So much happens in this dream world of his, but…' something about the dream world Kei went to was starting to bother her. He was gaining knowledge and experience of things that wasn't possible, the unconscious didn't contain any new information unknown to the conscious part of the brain. But the full concept of that thought was drowned by something else. "You're quite the little pervert Kei," Mizuho said smiling.

His face marred with surprise, Shinji's face flushed, "What are you talking about Mizuho?" He had just gone into great detail about all his fears and experiences during his last withdrawal and she calls him a pervert? Hunching over and leaning towards Mizuho, his eyes wide with desire to understand and a fuller explanation, "I'm seriously worried here!"

She knew he was, but Mizuho couldn't stop the slight chuckle form escaping her lips regardless. "Kei, a lot of this dream of yours can be described with what we've been going through," Mizuho said plainly as she straightened herself. "You've been worried about how we've been interacting physically. I know that part of myself was wanting, and you yourself had been, but we weren't ready yet. So what happens in your dream, I'm a little bolder and take the choice away from you." As she said the words part of Mizuho's consciousness wondered if she should in fact be bolder in her own actions. "When you didn't have to make the choice and left it to this Misato person things went the way you wanted hence you're a little pervert. But you're my pervert not hers." Mizuho ended by crossing her arms below her bust and giving Kei a firm stare before bursting into another fit of laughter.

Seeing things from Mizuho's point of view, Shinji had to agree she did have a valid point, but what of his memories? He couldn't well try to explain how the felt real, he couldn't refute his own existence on the couch either so he was at a total lose. Joining Mizuho in a nice laugh, he could feel the nagging suspicion that things weren't as easy as Mizuho and he was thinking. "I guess you're right, but that means…you're a little perverted yourself," the blush and eep that escaped Mizuho's lips was a fitting punishment in Shinji's opinion. Falling into a peaceful silence the two leaned against one another, shoulder-to-shoulder and relaxed in each other's company. School was going to start again soon, and that meant they'd have to put the farce of ignorance back into place. But part of Shinji couldn't wait to get back to class, 'I'll be with my friends again,' the Kei part of his mind reminded him. And as Shinji climbed into bed next to his wife that night, he still wasn't sure if he was terrified or happy about that knowledge.

X-X

"So how are things going Mizuho?" Konoha asked while cleaning the entryway to the clinic. She had seen Kei leaving twenty minutes prior to seeing Mizuho rushing out of the apartment. 'Odd, Kei usually is such a late riser,' Konoha thought as Mizuho stopped to catch her breath. Spotting a bundle in Mizuho's arms, "Did you make yourself lunch today?" another oddity as Konoha thought both Kei and Mizuho bought lunches; at least they had while she had known them.

Holding the bento up against her cheek, "Kei-kun made it for me, isn't that sweet of him?" Mizuho chirped momentarily forgetting how her husband had left her to fend for herself and leaving her late. 'Things have been great since mother and Maho left, Kei's just about back to normal, and…I'm not afraid of losing him now.' A clatter and stunned Konoha greeted Mizuho as she returned from her jaunt down memory lane. "Something wrong?"

Bending down to reclaim the dropped bucket, "Kei made your lunch, but he doesn't know how to cook," Konoha replied cryptically. The air about Mizuho had answered the previous question about how she was, Konoha could feel the joy radiating from the woman. 'When did Kei learn to cook, he's been so squirrelly lately due to Mizuho's mother and his bout with amnesia.' Laying her palm to her chin, "Oh don't mind me, just surprised is all. Guess he has a few secrets that even I don't know about yet."

But Mizuho couldn't forget such a comment, 'he can't cook?' True he had never cooked for her before aside from the instant food that anybody that knew how to work a microwave could do, why hadn't she thought of it before? 'Its because you're hormones are playing with you that's why.' Sparing her watch a brief glimpse and seeing that unless she hurried she'd miss the first bell, Mizuho bid the older woman good day and hurried off. 'What else haven't I noticed due to the situation?' Mizuho asked herself. She had blinded herself with wanting to believe Kei was exactly how he had been before this whole ordeal began, but now she could see a lot of things she hadn't noticed before.

Rounding the corner and entering the classroom, Mizuho spared a nervous glance at Kei and his friends. 'Of course Herikawa is all over him,' Mizuho exaggerated in her mind, she tried to downplay how she felt about the girl but old fears seldom die easy. Gathering her materials for the beginning of the next semester, Mizuho watched her class fill. She noticed how Kaede and Hyosuke, if she remembered their names right, wearing identical red shirts, signifying both a romantic relationship between them and boldly declaring that it was much further than hers and Kei's was. Watching the friends talk, Mizuho could see the relaxation and relief on Kei's friends as he flawlessly remembered them all now, and talked to them as if he hadn't forgotten them.

Leaning over his desk and offering him a glimpse of her budding chest, Herikawa had big plans for the upcoming school semester. She was finally going to take Kaede's route and confess her love for Kei. He had forgotten her for a time and that fact scared her, hurt her, and now it drove her. 'I'll make memories with him so powerful that neither of us will ever forget.' And if that meant being bolder and letting him sneak a quick peak only to turn away blushing, like he was doing now, she'd let him. "So how are you doing Kei?" she asked praying his memory was as good it had been.

Trying not to look back at Herikawa, mainly because to look at her would be looking down her shirt, Shinji smiled. "I'm doing much better, I even remember how you won the card game at the hotel at the beach and made me carry all the snacks back." He also remembered the questioning she had been leading him with. 'She wants to start a relationship with me, and she isn't afraid to make offerings to get me to bite.' He heard Mizuho sending Hyosuke and Kaede out to the hall for breaking the dress code and had to laugh. "I can't believe how quickly those too are moving though…can you?" he braved a look into Herikawa's eyes, Ichigo saw this and smiled she too had a plan to get those two together.

Finally taking her eyes off of Kei, Herikawa looked at the exiting pair and sighed, she envied Kaede so much at that moment. "Makes you want to follow suit doesn't it…to take your love by the hand and never let go," the young girl's voice was so weak and fragile that Shinji couldn't tear his eyes away from her, fearing she might break. He knew then that Herikawa didn't just like him, she loved him, and it would only be a matter of time until he had to crush that love. Noticing how Kei was looking at her, Herikawa pushed back away from his desk and waved her hands dismissively before him. "I..um…nevermind," she mumbled before rushing to her desk, much to Ichigo's displeasure and Mizuho's relief.

"Welcome back everybody to another new semester, I hope you all studied over your break as the first thing I'm going to administer is a quiz to see how much you remember," Mizuho smiled at her complaining students. For a moment she felt sorry for Kei as with all the hassle and problems as of late he had no time to study or even think about school. But in the darker parts of her mind she couldn't help but think, 'serves him right for leaving me behind to be late.'

X-X

"So when are you finally going to do something?" Ichigo asked as she pulled the wrapper off of her ice cream bar. Seated in the quad area with the waxing sun bathing everything in a red haze, the trio of girls, Ichigo, Kaede, and Herikawa sat on one of the many wooden benches. As the other girls started eating their own chilled desserts, Ichigo kept a close eye on Herikawa. 'I'm tired of watching her pine over him and not do anything.'

Putting the small wooden tab back into the cup of flavored ice, Herikawa's gaze fell to her shoes. "I don't want to rush things, I mean he just got his memory back and…" a soft splat and a sudden chill splashed against her face abruptly ending her speech. "ICHIGO!" Herikawa yelled as she looked at the diminutive girl who had just flung a small bit of ice cream against her face. Kaede just smiled absently as she was oft to do and politely ask the two to calm down.

"You're just lying to yourself. I'm tired of watching you act like this. You have to move forward and try," Ichigo stated between nibbles. The weather was still warm enough to melt their treats quickly if left unattended. Wanting her friends to be happy, to move forward, and not stop like she was afraid she would, Ichigo would press Herikawa like she had pressed Kaede. 'But Hyosuke was an easier target to set up, Kei is more troublesome.'

Wiping off the dribbling vanilla ice-cream, Herikawa gave the smaller girl one last evil glare before falling back into the semi-confused depression she was in. "I know I am…and I want to. But I'm afraid." She hated being afraid, and it wasn't that she was afraid of being rejected either. She feared that if she tried and was rejected that Kei wouldn't talk to her anymore, that their friendship would die with her proposal. 'I want…need to be more than friends with him but if…if I lose him what do I do then?'

It was Kaede's words next that finally pushed Herikawa over the edge. "I was like that too…I wanted to be with Hyosuke so much that it hurt but I was afraid. But now," a rosy blush filled her cheeks with color, "now everything is wonderful." The twin stares from Ichigo and Herikawa nearly melted Kaede as the boldness of her statement sank in and the tallest girl of the three felt like fleeing from her friends. "I…didn't mean it that way," she tried to lie.

An evil grin sprouted on Ichigo's face, "So as the first of us to know, how was it?" Ichigo never expected to know first hand the experience of physical love, or even emotional love, but through her friends she hoped to have some understanding, and as she had indeed set up the two she hoped she hadn't caused her friend any pain. Kaede turned away from the two and tried to stand but was held in place by a fiercely determined Herikawa who repeated Ichigo's question.

With no recourse, Kaede told her two best friends about her experience in the hotel, much to their amusement. Said amusement came from Kaede's lack of memory due to the alcohol, but the victory was hers when she recounted one of the few other occasions that happened later, leaving Herikawa blushing and tingly in her stomach, Ichigo just smiled contently. Across the quad, Shinji laughed aloud but cringed inside as Matagu boldly announced his plan to propose to Mizuho.

X-X

'So I find myself back at school again,' Shinji thought with a small hint of humor. Marrying a teacher would do that he supposed, but the real reason he was here was to give Mizuho some privacy while she graded the pop quiz she had administered at the start of the day. Wandering around the vacant school building, his foot falls echoing as he made them, he tried to make sense out of what was happening. 'I'm here again…back with Mizuho. Was my time with Misato a dream or is this the dream still?' He didn't dare get his hopes up that either was real, as both seemed equally possible.

'I love Misato, I love Mizuho…but which is real?' with no real way of knowing the thought just cycled in his mind, a bad penny that wouldn't go away. Passing the music room, he stopped. 'Maybe if I play a little it'll calm my head.' Sliding the door open and stealing inside, he wondered if he was allowed to use school property after hours, then laughed it off, who would know? Finding a nicely worn cello, Shinji adjusted the cords and tightened a nearby bow before sitting behind the instrument. 'It always gave me piece of mind…before,' but how could it, if the other world was a dream his mind mocked him, how could he even know how to play.

Drawing the bow across the strings Shinji started to play a simple piece as his mind combated the ability to play with reality. 'I can play the cello, something I know I did' t know how to do before, but part of me did…just like a part could swim and another couldn't.' Was it possible to learn new things in dreams if they were real enough? Could he feel and remember the love of a woman in a dream if it was real enough. He pleaded that what Mizuho said was true and yet he hated to think it was because that would mean he'd never know Misato again. 'Part of me wants nothing more for this to be a dream while the same part of me wants this to be real.' Unknown to the cellist the open window provided an optimum venue for his cords to waft over the nearly empty campus.

Having just dropped off the bento as usual to Yamada-sensei, Herikawa was captivated by the haunting melody she heard from the music department window. She closed her eyes and let the slow and docile tones fill her mind and soon her spirit. 'Its haunting yet beautiful…I feel sad just hearing it,' but it was a siren song as well, drawing her to the open first floor window. She had to know who was playing, it was somebody with talent she was sure from even the little knowledge she had of musical instruments. Peaking into the open window and letting her eyes adjust to the change in light, Herikawa's heart leapt up in her chest and her throat went horridly dry. "Kei?"

The single word caused a chain reaction and a horrid screech, as the bow was draw incorrectly across the strings. Finding his audience now climbing in through the window he hadn't known was upon, Shinji looked about frantically at the door and the girl now getting to her feet. Should I run, would she follow, why is she hear and many other questions assailed his mind that had only been seeking answers, funny how only more questions came of it. "Herikawa, what are you doing here so late?" She could have asked him the same question but her mind was on to other things.

"Since when did you play an instrument?" she asked as she drew closer to him, playing the fear she saw in his eyes as embarrassment. Smiling the smile of young love at him, Herikawa moved a chair next to him and sat on it backwards, using the backrest as a prop for her arms and chin, her legs spread eagle around it. 'I have to be bold…it might be a little much but if it gets him to notice me as a woman I can overlook it this one time.'

Draping his arms around the instrument and holding tightly to the wood of the bow, Shinji pondered how to respond. "I've never been good at it so I didn't think I should tell," he replied as he had done many times before when his hair was darker brown. Slumping against the instrument, "I didn't think anybody was around and I've been thinking a lot about my," he almost said dream but caught himself, "bout of amnesia."

Nodding to the logic, Herikawa just continued to look at Kei and try not to think about the thunderous pounding of her heart, a veritable jackhammer in her chest. She wondered how he didn't hear it himself it seemed to be the only thing she could hear anymore when she was alone with him. "It was very good Kei, but so sad. Do you know…any happier pieces?" she asked softly.

"I guess it was sad, I do know some more upbeat pieces if you'd like to hear one," Shinji asked with a greater degree of happiness in his voice. Nobody had ever praised his playing before, or asked him to play for them. Had Mizuho known she would have, but the Kei from before hadn't known how. Herikawa said she did and Shinji drew the bow back to the strings and started to play again. Feeling the music before he played it, his eyes drew closed and lost himself in his playing.

X-X

Something was seriously wrong with the scores of the pop quiz, Mizuho thought as she slid another piece of Pocky in her mouth and bit into the treat. 'Kei's score is a lot higher than it had been before, and his handwriting is different,' Mizuho noted as she compared the quiz to a previous exam she had saved from the last semester, she had been determined before her mother showed up to help him study. The quiz had been easy but with the lack of time to have him study and his prior scores, something was just off with the score in general. "What could have caused this…handwriting does change but not this dramatically over such a short period of time."

Gears started clicking in Mizuho's mind that she hadn't wanted to consider. Kei's dreams of this weird world where he fought alien monsters and lived with a woman that was much like her but wasn't. Changed mannerisms, body language, and drastic changes in experience, knowledge, and emotional triggers, no something had changed in Kei's mind and it might not have been all fictional. "Maria lock onto Kei's signature, make it priority one." Mizuho had to find out more, and she needed to talk to Kei to see if he hadn't in fact copied somebody else's exam handwriting in all.

Teleporting back to the school, Mizuho was momentarily disorientated and dazed. Nobody had been around when she appeared so that was safe, she was growing more and more foolish in her regards to safety when Kei was concerned, but that wasn't a factor now. 'Where is he…and where is that music coming from?' Mizuho thought as a lone melody flowed out of the door by which she was standing. 'Its pleasant, but sad.' Shinji's attempt to make a more upbeat piece had failed as his own worries flowed through is body reluctantly; Herikawa didn't even hear the music.

She didn't hear as her own mind was screaming at her as she approached the still blind cellist. 'Be bold…bold…be bold! If Kaede could do it…why can't I?' Herikawa thought as she tried to mentally prepare herself for what she was going to do. Kaede's recounting of her time with her boyfriend had fueled parts of her growing teenage mind with enough energy to try. With musical notes filling her mind as she stepped silently closer to Kei as he played, and she hadn't even noticed the door opening and Mizuho sensei stopping in her tracks as she too was astonished to see her husband playing an instrument that she hadn't had the slightest inclination to believe he knew how to even hold.

'What is that girl doing,' Mizuho thought as she could see Herikawa stalking towards her husband whose full attention was on the instrument in his hands. Kei's back was to the window and was facing the door, giving Mizuho the perfect picture of his face and Herikawa's back. She opened her mouth to speak, to call out to the students, 'what are you doing here so late,' but her vocal cords rebelled against her, failing to produce even a sigh. The music stopped suddenly as Herikawa quickly yet forcefully put her hands on Kei's shoulders and pulled the stunned musician into a fierce kiss. Drawing on the many romance movies she'd seen and one or two shoujo manga she'd read, enacted an open mouth kiss, clumsy yes, but successful.

It was then that Mizuho remembered how to speak and let her prescience be known. Crying out "NO!" so loud that Herikawa pushed away from her first kiss to hard sending the confused boy crashing to the ground, Mizuho looked in horror as Herikawa looked at her teacher bashfully. "What…what are you doing here?" Mizuho tried to cover her emotional cry as best she could, she still had to pretend that she wasn't involved with Kei but right not that was something she was almost ready to break.

"Mizuho-sensei," Herikawa managed to say as she tried to recover her breath from the kiss and sudden disruption of it. Helping Kei to his feat, she hoped that they could soon move to a more private spot and continue, his lips tasted like the finest honey she had ever tasted, and wanted to taste it again. Both students looked at their teacher mortified, but for different reasons. "Kei was just showing me…how he knew the cello."

"I…yeah…I wanted to play and…didn't know…she was here and…" Shinji would have continued to try and form a cognitive sentence had Mizuho not stopped him. He could still feel Herikawa's kiss and it was maddening, he loved Mizuho and yet he enjoyed the kiss. He was ashamed.

"I saw what happened," and for a first hadn't suspected Kei of being the initiator, she had clearly seen where his attention was and who had been the one to enact the embrace. "But I have to ask you two to not do such things in the school. This is a place of learning not a place for…" anger at Herikawa fused with her words, "young women to do such things. Now if you'll excuse us Herikawa-kun I need a few words with Kusanagi-kun regarding the use of school instruments. That isn't your cello I believe is it?"

"We'll talk later…ok Kei?" Herikawa asked as she saw the crest fallen look on Kei's face. She believed he was afraid of what punishment he would receive for unsolicited use of school equipment. Giving Mizuho a glare for her comment about her actions, Herikawa walked past her teacher, "sorry about that, Mizuho-sensei," under her breath so Kei couldn't hear, "but you ruined the mood."

Mizuho was glad to have ruined the poor girl's mood, she did have intentions for somebody else's husband. When Herikawa was out of sight, "Don't worry Kei, I know you didn't plan or want that…but you better not have enjoyed it," Mizuho smiled as she approached her husband. Bending down and retrieving the bow, "As punishment you'll have to play something for me, its not fair for you to serenade somebody that's not your wife you know."

Yes his ability to play was another element that made Mizuho wonder what exactly was going on in her husband's mind, much like it was in his own. But for now the two needed relief, needed a bastion of peace in their confusion and worry. Taking his seat again Shinji gladly played for Mizuho, and this time when the kiss came he dropped the bow and held the woman tightly, both of them were terrified that at any moment things would change, but right then, it didn't and they were glad.

X-End Chapter –X

Yes its getting hard on everybody and more players are making moves. Is the dream world gone or is it the present? I'm enjoying this story more with every passing chapter, and I hope you are as well. I noticed a little more WAFF here but as my usual its not pure WAFF. Again if you think Herikawa's actions are a little 'obsessive' you've obviously never had a crush before or was in love. If you have then you can identify with the unfortunate heroin.

Until next time my happy little readers and remember any requests/ideas/suggestions/side stories are welcome.

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie-at-secondimpact-dot-com)


	8. Steady flow

Standard disclaimer

So many things I want to write, yet so little time to do so. Hope you don't mind the wait to much and I'll try to find time during the week to write again. Its hard but I'll see what I can do. Well enough of that…

The actors take their places and the lights dim.

X-X

Divergence

Chapter 8 – Steady Flow

After the shaky start of the new term, time progressed much more calmly. Two weeks of waking, school, and life started to show a steady pattern in the lives of Mizuho and Shinji. They would wake up, usually Shinji first, and eat breakfast. Mizuho didn't want to start questioning Kei yet about how he suddenly became such a good cook or even cook at all, she knew he wasn't ready to talk about it, she just reveled in the new manner in which her day started.

Shinji didn't want to think about his new knowledge either, it cast confusion and doubt on what was real. The more he thought about which was real and which was fake, the more doubts arose and the more things started to unravel, plus it was starting to give him headaches, bad ones.

After breakfast, Shinji would leave the typically still waking Mizuho and head off for school. She'd follow later, sometimes up to fifteen to twenty minutes later, and find her husband talking to his friends; she had to keep an eye on Herikawa though. The young Herikawa wasn't slacking in her plan to make her feelings known. Gone was the timid and shy watching from the sidelines. Herikawa was now openly gunning for Kei's heart. She'd offer more casual touches, a light hug when he wasn't suspecting it, trailing down his arm with her hand, and always sitting close, so dangerously close to him. Mizuho hated it, but she had to trust her husband, it didn't help much that he wasn't fighting her off that hard though.

Once school had ended for the day the events afterward were almost scripted. Mizuho would attend any teachers meetings that she had to, and on those days Kei would talk with his friends or go into town for a while. Days when Mizuho hadn't any meetings the pair would return home and watch TV, Mizuho would help Shinji with his studies, something she needed to do less of lately, or just talk. The subject of Mizuho and even Shinji's growing physical wanting was never addressed. Weekends were the same, one day was spent catching up on work and the other was a day of bonding for them, that is unless a teacher called Mizuho for help or the gaggle of friends showed up at the Edajima residence for what Hyosuke deemed 'playing.'

For the most part life had settled into a nice rut for the married couple that is as long as neither of them mentioned the few problems. Herikawa was Mizuho's problem, she didn't want Kei to even look at the girl but wouldn't say anything. Shinji's problem was his dream world, his inability to trust if he was awake or dreaming. Each possibility terrified him, as he would lose a loved one. They both shared a common problem, the sleeping arrangements. The longer Shinji stayed with Mizuho and lived with her, he could feel his emotions grow, and they reached the point of Mizuho's. They both wanted to take the next step, consummate their marriage truly, but feared what the other thought, if they were ready.

Brushing her teeth while her husband made breakfast, Mizuho thought about those past two weeks. 'I can't let this go on this way. I'm worried that Kei is still worried about this dream of his, and how its affected him.' After the incident in the music room, something she now cherished, Mizuho started to seriously think about Kei's situation. People didn't have dreams where they learned to play a musical instrument and actually did learn it in the real world. "Is breakfast done?" Mizuho called out. Her stomach rumbling angrily about how it wanted to eat.

In the kitchen, Shinji smiled as he pushed the eggs off of the pan and onto the plates. How quickly and easily he'd fallen back into his role of cooking, he tried not to think about that much. "Just finishing the plates, bacon and eggs with a bowl of miso soup," he set the table. Shinji tried his best to just live life one day at a time now. Think less about the unanswerable quandary of his current situation. 'It doesn't help me at all and those pains are getting worse now.' He had enough problems with Herikawa's advances and his growing lust for his wife.

His mind slipped as he thought, 'Maybe Mizuho was right about Misato. When I let her take charge we moved much faster. Misato was never afraid to express her feelings.' Coming to a stop, standing dumbly in the middle of the kitchen, Shinji slapped his forehead with his free hand. "Stop thinking that way…you're fine, she's fine, and I'm not going anywhere!" Though he spoke softly, Mizuho heard him as she walked into the kitchen and took her place at the table she didn't call attention to it but had made up her mind about what she had to do.

Sampling the newest creation that her husband had provided, Mizuho didn't mind that her husband gained the sudden ability to cook. 'He's so good at it! It almost makes up for the…' she didn't finish that thought as Kei sat across from her, his eyes holding back sadness again. A sadness that hadn't been present before the 'dreams' started. She hated the idea of lying to Kei, but she weighed the consequences of telling the truth and telling a lie. If she lied he'd not get upset or pull deeper into himself, one of his major problems. If she told the truth, that she wanted to give him a physical to check and see if he'd suffered any mental damage or trauma, he'd panic, be afraid, and possible shut her out completely. The choice was made long before she finished her meal. "Kei, we have a little extra time before classes start today, would you mind coming with me to my ship?"

Taking the empty plates to the sink, Maria watching and making the odd 'Noa' sound he was apt to do, Shinji turned to look at his wife. "Your ship? Is something wrong?" fear was evident in his tone. Was she leaving him? Had something happened and she was being recalled. No he didn't want that at all, as if this was the real world and she left him, he'd be all alone again. 'I don't want her gone! I love her,' yet Shinji's other half wanted to leave, to be back with his Misato and his 'real' friends.

Smiling at how emotional Kei had become, a sign of care or affection that she need to be sure he felt, Mizuho moved over next to her husband. Helping him to dry the dishes, and taking in a few light caresses as they worked, she shook her head. "No, I've just been thinking about your 'withdrawing' and with the ships technology I might be able to learn what causes it." It wasn't a full lie, but Mizuho's true plan was to scan Kei's brain for tumors or anything else that might explain the sudden influx in talent. 'Maybe he had it all along and it was suppressed by his withdrawing.'

Handing Mizuho the last plate and drying his hands on a near by towel, Shinji nodded. Mizuho had a point, her technology was far surpassing anything he'd seen before, outside of Nerv part of his mind chided, and what harm could it do? "If we run late can we have Maria teleport us to school?" he asked with a small grin. The odd computer had always been a source of humor for the young boy. From floating around the room in its inner tube, to striking a Kabuki pose for no reason, Maria was just funny to be around.

Drying her hands off, Mizuho giggled. "If you don't mind teleporting into a broom closet so nobody sees us we can." A sudden flush crossed her cheeks as thoughts of the last time she'd teleported Kei into a secluded spot crossed her mind. Being locked in a broom closet with her husband didn't seem like a bad idea, though if they were caught it'd mean hell to pay. "Well if we're going to do this, its best we go now so we don't run late."

Picking up his satchel and taking his shoes in hand, "I forget. What do we do now?" Looking at Mizuho expectantly, Shinji noticed the red tinge under his wife's eyes. Kami-sama she was so beautiful. Her tightly bound red hair, her purple eyes, and even her teacher's outfit was gorgeous. 'Defiantly on par with Misato in the looks department,' he thought, though her body wasn't what made him love her. His body stiffened when his wife wrapped her arms tightly around him in a loving hug. "Mi…Mizuho?" Shinji could feel his heart beating between his ears.

Her face still red, Mizuho lied again. "If we stand closer together there is less chance of Maria sending us to different locations." Proximity had nothing to do with it, she simply wanted to hold her husband and didn't want to have him worried or shy away from her. Lying about it wasn't necessary but she didn't know that. Letting out a heavy breath, Mizuho felt the side of Shinji's head pressed against her chest. It was as maddening as it was soothing. "Maria, teleport us to the medical wing of the ship, make it priority one." Encapsulated in white light the two lovers hold became tighter as they lifted off the ground.

As his eyes opened, Shinji found himself reluctant to let go of his wife, but had to. Standing in the large white room, bed like platforms surrounding them, he was amazed at how clean and advanced it looked. He'd only been in Mizuho's ship a number of times, and on those occasions site seeing was far from on his mind. It reminded him slightly of Nerv's medical bay, where Ritsuko performed any number of tests on him. Pointing to one of the inclined bed like structures. "Is that where I'm supposed to go?"

"Yes, just lean up against it and it'll recline." Mizuho, still in the grip of her hormones wasn't looking at Kei. She couldn't allow herself to be distracted when she had so little time to check him and still keep the farce up. She took a side look at him and saw him tentatively climb onto the bed and turn around to face away from it. The bed lifted off of the ground slightly and the lower edge pushed away and moved upward leaving the bed perpendicular to the ground. "Now just relax and I'll run the scans ok? This shouldn't take to long at all." The scans themselves wouldn't take more than a few seconds it was the analysis of that data which would take time.

Leaning up for a moment, Shinji offered his wife a small smile and nod before falling back against the oddly warm metal bed. 'I should really thank her for doing all of this for me, she's been so patient and kind during all of this,' he thought. After a few moments of listening to Mizuho type into a computer panel a white metal beam appeared over his body, emitting a green light, the beam made sweeps over the bed. He could feel a subtle pressure in his head, 'its like when I sync with the Eva,' he realized oddly. And just as soon as the beam started, the light went out and the bed again swayed to a more parallel position to the ground. "Was that all?" he asked amazed at how quick and simple it had been.

Offering her hand to Kei, Mizuho pulled him away from the bed and wrapped her arms around him again. "Told you it was going to be quick, the computer is going to analyze the data you provided it and let me know what it can find out later. Now we better be quick as the first bell is about to ring." And with that statement Maria teleported the pair off to the school grounds and left the advanced technology to work on the provided data. The pair was lucky as nobody was around when they walked out of the supply closet and headed towards their classroom.

X-X

"So when are you going to start making lunches for me?" Hyosuke chimed as he pulled yet another mouthful out of Shinji's bento. Sitting under one of the trees in the quad, Hyosuke, Matagu, and Shinji ate lunch together. Shinji couldn't help but notice how it was a situation that happened so similarly to Touji, Kensuke, and himself. Only this time nobody would walk up to him and demand food, Mizuho would either have it already or be forced to fend for herself.

Taking a bite for himself, Matagu looked at the empty chopsticks astonished. "Wow, you really can cook now Kei, I thought he was lying." Never had Kei ever shown any real talent or wanting to cook so when Hyosuke said the food was good, Matagu was dubious. But reality won out. Pulling out their store bought lunches, all the boys started to eat. "So Hyosuke, how are things going with Kaede," Matagu asked while looking across the quad at where the girls sat eating.

"A lot better than I would have thought it would be. It beats pining after Kamazaki-sensei like you do," Hyosuke ended with a roaring laugh as Matagu's face crumbled. The young Matagu wasn't happy with his love life, and his totally failure to call his beloved Sensei to pronounce his undying love for the woman. He knew it was a fruitless endeavor, but young love and often young lust, were not easy to dissuade. "Seriously though, things between us are really good," a content smile was on Hyosuke's face as he dodged a flying piece of tomato.

Still glaring at the oblivious Hyosuke, Matagu turned to the other, to their knowledge, single guy. "At least you're with me right Kei, who needs girlfriends," the assembly of friends no longer had to refer to the pink eyed male as Shinji. Spluttering and coughing out the tea he had been drinking, Shinji just looked at Matagu and Hyosuke, they had no clue how complicated his love life was.

Hyosuke had an inkling, a small one and let it know. The calm façade on the jubilant boy's face split into a huge grin. "Well I'm thinking Herikawa has something to say about that Matagu. She's been hanging all over Kei here all week!" Nudging the now blushing Kei in the side with his elbow, Hyosuke could tell that he'd hit a soft spot. "So when are you going to join me in the ranks of the happily dating men Kei?" Like Ichigo, Hyosuke could see the chemistry between his friends very easily. But unlike Ichigo, Hyosuke wasn't going to try and set them up, 'let them work things our on their own.'

Rubbing his index finger down his nose, Shinji looked across the quad and found Herikawa looking at him, both were adorned with blushes as they made eye contact. Trying to put down his knowing feelings for the cute girl, Shinji shook his head hard. "She's just a friend. I don't think she likes me that way at all." That was a total lie and Shinji knew it. 'She kissed me, she's been hanging around me a lot more, and it's only a matter of time until something comes of it.'

Being the most naive of the three, Matagu looked across the quad at Herikawa confused. "But she's been looking at you so much, why not say something. She's cute if you like the tomboy type." Such a type wasn't Matagu's cup of tea, but that didn't matter. If the looks were right and the girl was willing, why not go for it. Becoming a man was something everybody wanted, right? Gathering up his trash the UFO crazed boy let out another sigh. "Why can't a girl like that look at me that way!"

'Because you're to desperate,' both Hyosuke and Shinji thought simultaneously but didn't say. Soon the topic changed from Kei's love life back to what it 'felt' like, again it was Matagu that brought up that conversation and Shinji had the suspicion that Hyosuke was all to happy to talk about it. They were odd guys, but friends. After the discussion of Kaede died again the subject changed to more common things, sports, television, and of course the goddess of their classroom, one Kazami Mizuho.

As Hyosuke tried to convince the other two boys to chip in and buy Mizuho a secret gift, lacy underwear, he was sure she'd wear them and they'd be able to see them. The girls watched the energetic boy jump up and down, Kaede smiled embarrassed by her boyfriend. Ichigo, her face still devoid of emotion, let out "You're dog is causing an uproar again." Inside Ichigo was smiling and enjoying the show, all that was left was getting her best friend set up with the boy of her choice.

"Ichigo-san!" Kaede squealed as her face turned hot. Hyosuke's passion was a part of the boy that Kaede loved and hated. He was so childlike at times that everybody wondered how exactly he was able to pull off his scores on tests. Sucking fiercely on her straw, mainly as an outlet for her frustrations and embarrassment from Ichigo's comments, Kaede looked at the grass. 'He's not a dog,' she wanted to say but simply couldn't find the courage to say it.

Herikawa laughed at the reaction, despite being the only 'woman' of the group, Kaede appeared the most innocent and pure. Not having much of an appetite, Herikawa sat with her unopened lunch on her lap, stealing glances at Kei. Her cheeks would flush whenever she saw him looking back at him. 'Why can't I just say it to him, why can't I tell him I love him?' The kiss had been wonderful, the light touches and hugs she'd been giving felt like electric shocks of pure emotion. She wanted more, craved more, yet feared the rejection and loss of his friendship. "I wouldn't say a dog, more like spastic child," she finally said as Ichigo's eyes fell on her.

'She has to move forward she has to get him. I want her to be happy so much it hurts,' Ichigo thought as she caught the lingering gaze her friend had for the boy. What Herikawa saw in Kei was a mystery to Ichigo. Sure he was cute, and he was more mature than the other boys, but it wasn't something Ichigo was crazy about. She liked Kei as a friend yes, but still couldn't tell what he did to cause such a feeling of longing in Herikawa. "Are you ever going to say something to him or are you just going to keep acting like a fool?" It pained the diminutive girl to be harsh with Herikawa, but sometimes a strong push was needed.

Herikawa shook her head slowly, her bangs waving from the motion and a sudden breeze. "I can't. I can't lose my friendship with him if he doesn't feel the same way." But oh Kami-sama how she wanted to. Was it just a crush, a sudden swell of emotion so high and powerful that it swept thought away with it only to die with time? No, she'd had crushes before on boys, and they were never this powerful, this driving. "I'll take what I can, and if he ever asks I'll take hold of him and never let go." It was safer, easier this way. She didn't have to do anything but make small offerings, revel in what she could take without risking things. 'But why does it hurt so much to think of him with somebody else.'

Ichigo just nodded and frowned as Kaede, finally over her shame, started asking school questions. Both Herikawa and herself helped the other, less intelligent girl, to understand. All the while Ichigo planned, she was good at planning. 'She's going to wait for him to make the first move. I'll get him to…get him to understand and then they'll be happy together.' The pained look on Herikawa's face left marks on Ichigo's mind. She hated seeing either of her real friends pained in anyway and would go to any length to prevent it.

X-X

Setting the last of the graded homework sheets down, Mizuho looked at the computer printouts on the table with trepidation. She wanted to look at them and at the same time didn't. What if they said something bad, horrible, about Kei's condition? Her hand reluctantly reached for the paper. 'I have to look at what the computers analysis said.' She 'had' to but she didn't 'want' to, so she sat there with her arm extended in the air. "Kei is supper almost ready?" she called herself a coward. The light in the kitchen suddenly went off, much to her surprise. "Kei is something wrong?" Getting up on still shaky legs, nervous tension, she headed towards her husband.

Finding the kitchen not totally dark, but illuminated by two small flickering candles, Mizuho's heart melted. "I know its cliché and tired, but I thought…to make up for all the troubles I've been causing you…how about a candle light diner?" The candlelight masked the blush on the young man's face. Shinji knew Mizuho would say he'd been no trouble, or that it was her duty as his wife to help him, but he didn't want that type of relationship. He wanted a relationship of mutual trust and support. 'I've been taking so much with so little giving.' And although a simple dinner in a cheesy romantic fashion was a small thing, he felt so nervous about it.

Walking the short distance to her husband, Mizuho's heart was fluttering and beating very fast. It was something that was overdone, but only in the movies. They had never shared a candlelit dinner, they had really done very little that would have been called romantic. Kei seemed a trifle lacking in the romantic idea department, yet another change that Mizuho noticed pleasantly. "It's lovely Kei," she said truthfully as he helped seat her. The dish was Italian, chicken served over angel hair pasta in a white sauce, with a small salad, and if what was in the glasses was authentic, wine. Unable to keep the joke back, "Now Kei you're not old enough to drink you know."

Taking his own seat across from her, he looked sheepishly at his glass. "I was hoping you'd forgive me this one time." It was just, he was so nervous and if his memories of Misato proved factual in any way, it helped calm her down, so why not help calm his own frantic nerves. Her smile was answer enough as she lifted her glass and extended it towards him. Knowing what she intended he did likewise. "Cheers," they said in unison and lightly clanked their glasses together before they started eating.

Letting her fears about the report fade into the deeper recesses of her mind, Mizuho enjoyed the meal to its maximum. The food was good, not restaurant quality but still very good, the wine was cheap, they couldn't afford much, but that didn't matter. What mattered was the company. "This was a wonderful idea Kei," Mizuho's voice as slightly slurred as she nursed her third glass of wine, while Shinji was on his second. A fiendishly bold idea crossed Mizuho's mind as she slipped off her slipper and ran her foot along her husband's inner thigh. 'Maybe I had a little to much,' Mizuho thought as her finger twirled around the lip of the wine glass.

The initial shock of Mizuho's action dying down as the alcohol did keep the nervous energy from taking action and forcing him to move. He'd been careful to not drink to much, knowing his limitations. Shinji wasn't going to let the alcohol cause him to make any choice he didn't want to make, or Mizuho too for that matter. All they needed was a little bit to keep the nigh never ending fear to take a break. Reaching across the empty plates and taking Mizuho's hand in his own, Shinji smiled warmly at his wife. "Have I told you how much I love you?" Shinji was slightly awed at how easily and truthfully he'd been able to say it.

Turning her hand over and taking hold of Kei's tightly, Mizuho looked shocked to the point of tears. 'He's only said that a few times…hardly any since this dream business started,' but here he was. In their kitchen, over a beautiful meal telling her that he loved her. Keeping his hand firmly in hers, Mizuho stood and pulled her husband to his feet. Both slightly tipsy from the alcohol but still fully capable of making logical decisions, stood at arms length from each other, holding hands. Looking at the other from over the candlelight, the softness of the flicking candle playing with their features both closed their eyes and drew close.

Hearts pounding like jackhammers in their chests, the taste of their food still on their lips the kissed. It was chaste yet meaningful. The hint of the wine was still lingering in their breath as they went to increase the intensity of the kiss, or would have had Shinji's cell phone not began to ring. At the Edajima's insistence Shinji got a cell phone to help with the cover that he still lived with them. He told his friends that the Edajima's phone was for clients only and if they needed him to call his cell. The light and happy tone grew louder and louder from the small phone, the pair were tempted to ignore it.

Mizuho was ready to more on, wanted to finally be one with her husband, officially become his, and so was Shinji. He knew he loved the woman, loved her dearly and was no longer going to risk hurting her for his own self-doubts. But in the end their conscious got the better of them and they broke the kiss. Looking at his wife bashfully and somewhat ashamed, Shinji ran to get his phone. Both cursed his need to help others. 'He'd never forgive himself if the call was important and lead to one of his friends unhappiness,' Mizuho thought upset with herself for being selfish. She wanted her husband all to herself at that moment.

Falling back into her chair, the candles finally reaching the base of the holder, she blew them out. Several minutes past and she found herself sobering up quick, 'who is he talking to?' It could be any number of people, but she couldn't help but fear it was Herikawa chewing on her husband's ear. 'Not for the lack of actually wanting too,' Mizuho thought and found the joke sickeningly funny. When Kei walked back into the room, his face clearly showing depression, Mizuho knew what he was going to say before he said it. 'He's going to leave.'

"Ichigo said she's having some troubles, needs me to help her." The soft yet pained words clearly asking Mizuho a question. 'Is it all right for me to go to her? Are you ok with that?' She wasn't ok with it, but if she said that the mood would die. It was already dieing. Saying it was all right for him to go help the small girl with her trouble, Mizuho sighed in the now empty room. Was it wrong for her to want her husbands affection for her own? Reaching for the wine bottle Mizuho retired to the living room and the waiting report. What she read caused her to drain the bottle quickly.

X-X

'I didn't know Ichigo lived in a place like this,' Shinji thought as he stood outside a small single bedroom apartment on the opposite end of town. The hallway was well lit and clean, but seemed to host an air of depression. Knowing Ichigo lived in such a building also trigged the knowledge that the girl lived alone as well. "Ichigo, are you here?" it felt dumb to ask, but she wasn't answering his knocks.

A small hitch caught his attention as the door lock was flipped and the overhead catch creaked with movement. "Kusanagi-kun you sure didn't waste you time in coming over here. I didn't disturb you did I?" Ichigo asked with a hint of apprehension and nervousness in her voice. Holding the door open for the boy, Ichigo stepped to the side to allow him access. Having spent a lot of time thinking about Herikawa and Kei's relationship, and the boy in general. Ichigo believed that the straightforward approach was probably best.

Walking into a girl's room wasn't something any timid boy was comfortable with, let alone under unknown circumstances, Shinji was no better. Looking at the small well-made bed, the entertainment center complete with TV and DVD player, and the sparsely decorated wall Shinji needed no more information to prove that Ichigo and only Ichigo lived in this apartment. "You said you had something urgent that you need help with?"

Setting the latch back into place, Ichigo quickly followed behind Kei. Not answering his question immediately, she sat down on the edge of her bed. It was harder than she first suspected, telling Kei about Herikawa's feelings and her request of him. "Kusanagi-kun, I've called you here to ask something of you." She could see the uncertainty etched on his face, the questions that wanted to come out yet held back waiting for her to move at her own pace. 'I think I can see something in why you like him,' she thought with a small smile that was quickly lost.

Taking a seat on the only chair in the room, Shinji looked expectantly at Ichigo. "I gathered as much, what is it that you couldn't tell me over the phone?" His long walk over to the girl's apartment left Shinji in a slightly upset mood. He had finally gathered the courage to take a step forward with his wife, dream wife, only to be denied at the last moment by a phone call. 'She is my wife! NO SHE'S NOT!' he raged in his own mind, denying Mizuho's existence one moment and defending her the next. Forcing that debate to subside, Shinji tried to pay Ichigo more attention.

"I want you to start dating Herikawa. She loves you and as you don't have a girlfriend I think she'd suit you well." There she said it. Her entire body quivered with fear and anticipation. She felt weak and exhilarated all at the same time. 'He'll say yes, he has to. I need, she needs him to!' But the look on his face wasn't promising, it told her that he knew already. Why? Why did he have such a sad face on when she told him about a girl that loved him? "Kusanagi-kun?"

Rei, she reminded him so much of Rei and he couldn't tell why. Maybe it was the cool detachment in her voice, or maybe it was her eyes, or even possible something else, something they shared. Whatever it was, it hurt him to see her pleading with him like this, her eyes moist, and he was correct to think she didn't even notice that fact. 'She cares for Herikawa a lot, and I'm going to have to hurt her too.' He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath to settle his shaking arms and keep his body from convulsing. He felt like his entire body was running with electricity. "I'm sorry Ichigo-san, but I'm seeing somebody."

"You can't!" Ichigo yelled loudly in the small room. Her voice a pitch that neither heard before, one of fear. Her eyes grew wide as the small echo faded. If he were with somebody than Herikawa would suffer, she'd be in pain. Why didn't anybody know Kei was in a relationship? "You can't do that to her! You have to be with her!" She pleaded as she watched Kei shake his head sadly. Then it hit her. Her chest leapt outward and her neck craned backward due to the spasm. Her breath was now coming in short gasps, she was withdrawing, stopping again. 'NO! I don't want to stop,' she thought as she saw Kei rushing towards her as her eyes glazed over into darkness.

Catching Ichigo as she pitched over, Shinji was stunned. That was what it was, what they shared. She had the same disease he had! And at his rejecting of Herikawa forced her into a standstill. 'Oh hell what now?' he thought as he carried the small girl to her bed and set her down. Taking his seat next to Ichigo's bed, the sleeping girl had no answers for him, and would have none until she woke, maybe. 'This is because of me! If I was with Herikawa she'd not have withdrawn, Herikawa would be happy, Ichigo would be happy, part of me would be, but what about Mizuho?'

That was where he stopped thinking about it. He loved his wife, his maybe wife. She was there for him, cared for him, and supported him in his crisis, could he betray that for not only the life of Herikawa, but Ichigo? 'And what if its all fake?' Just another problem with no foreseeable answer.

X-X

Author notes

Well another chapter done and I feel better about the characterization in this one than the last. Hope you liked it and I hope you continue to support this oddity of a story.

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie-at-secondimpact-dot-com)


	9. I said what I felt not what I meant

Standard disclaimer

No I'm not dead and sadly I've had to shelve my idea for the "What We" Christmas special. I don't believe in writing for events that already happened as a special so I'll have to make it for next year. As for this story, sorry for taking so long with the update but I've had to come to terms with a few things and with those changes being made now I should have more time to write. Well enough of that.

The curtain rises and the act begins

X-X

Divergence

Chapter -9

I said what I felt not what I meant

Watching the slow rise and fall of Ichigo's chest as she slept on her bed, Shinji felt fatigued and the ever growing need for sleep coming over him. But he couldn't sleep, not yet anyway, he had to talk to Ichigo again. She had 'withdrew' and from the looks of her subtle body movements was coming out of it, if what Minoru said about his own bouts with the disease were accurate. Moving from the cushioned chair over to the girl's side, Shinji gently shook her side. "Ichigo, wake up. You're stronger than this. Wake up we need to talk."

Relief spread quickly across his drawn features as red eyes fluttered quickly and held steadily open, she had woken up. "Kusinagi-kun what happened, what time is it?" Confusion and shame mixed in her voice, she was being seen at her weakest and she hated it.

Checking his watch, Shinji hissed lightly at the display, "Its quarter after three. And what happened is you withdrew." Whether Ichigo called the condition the same thing or not Shinji didn't know, and if she didn't he'd inform her about his sad past as well. "Can I get you something to drink or something Ichigo?"

Shaking her head, Ichigo moved to the edge of her bed and set her legs on the floor. "You know about what happened to me just now, how is that possible?" For all her knowledge and her family's for that matter she was the only person to suffer from such an odd condition. "And no I don't require anything."

Just nodding and leaning back to a more comfortable seated position, he just watched Ichigo watch him for a few moments, weighing how exactly to tell Ichigo about his past and his thoughts about her proposition about Herikawa. "I call it 'withdraw' what happened to you, and me." Ichigo's eyes widened considerably, she was about to speak but Shinji wouldn't let her speak yet. "I withdrew for three years before I moved out of my family's home to live here, to not be a burden to them." As he spoke part of him hearing the words for the first time he felt the bitterness of that choice bite hard. He had known of it yes, but to hear it, confess it to another like him was something else. It made it real and reality was a secular thing for the weary body and mind of Kei Kusinagi.

"Mine was for six years," Ichigo admitted more to clear the floor than to gloat over who had suffered the most. Shinji's jaw went slack for a moment at such a bold admission before closing it again. "I'm sorry you had to witness that Kusinagi-kun and I hope that you don't worry about it. But I'm not the reason I called you here tonight," Ichigo's face set hard as she remembered why she had called the boy and the reason she had withdrew, Herikawa. "I don't want to force you to do this, but she loves you dearly you must go to her."

A sad smile crossed Shinji's face, Ichigo was a true friend of Herikawa. So fast after recovering from a small bout of her illness she was already back on her guns. "You're right Ichigo she does love me dearly, but the girl your talking about and I'm talking about are different. I don't think Herikawa really loves me as dearly as you think." Drawing on the parallel of Asuka, and a part of him hated doing that, Shinji had speculated Herikawa's thoughts while Ichigo slumbered. "Its likely a crush you see. We don't see our emotions subjectively. She may think she loves me now but it's only because she hasn't seen what she really wants, I may come close but she wants…no needs something better."

Her voice usually so cold and flat was flared with anger and accusation. "How can you say that after seeing how she looks at you, you don't know how she speaks about you while your not around." She had, she had seen the far off look in Herikawa's eyes as she spoke of all the good qualities in the man in her room. Ichigo had to admit that many other men would have left while she slept or had taken certain liberties with her body, but Kei hadn't done anything wrong or even remotely bad. But to turn a blind eye to Herikawa's love was cruel. "If you had seen her as I do you'd know that…"

"She kissed me, did she tell you that?" Shinji admitted Ichigo stopped again at the admission from Kei. She hadn't known about that. "I like Herikawa a lot Ichigo I really do, maybe not as much as you do," a rosy blush spoiled the woman's attempt to remain a blank mask. "And I can't in good conscious do what you say. I guess you can say I love her like a sister, and to do what you say would be a lie. A lie to her, to me, and to yourself and would you want that?" Unable to speak Ichigo just shook her head dumbly. "The woman I love romantically isn't Herikawa, but I don't want to lose that friend I have in her. I know she'll be hurt by being rejected but I know she'll recover and find somebody better."

Tears started falling down the young Ichigo's face again, she had failed but in a way succeeded. "She was right about you, you know. You're more mature than the other boys." He wasn't going to make a mistake to make one happy temporarily. He wasn't going to lie to make others dreams, no matter how fleeting, a reality. "You must really love Kazami-Sensei," Ichigo said slowly. It wasn't hard to figure out with her knowledge. She had followed Kei and Herikawa enough and seen Mizuho following them, and the odd chemistry between the teacher and student. Adding in the knowledge now that Kei was in love with somebody other than Herikawa it was almost impossible for it NOT to be the teacher that had stolen his heart.

Seeing Kei's face turn so pale and his body to so ridged also helped Ichigo's hypothesis. "Don't worry Kusinagi-kun I won't tell anybody," her tears slowly abiding and a smile replacing her frown. Grabbing a spare pillow off her bed she tossed it to the still dazed man, "here it's too late for you to go home you can sleep on my floor."

The pillow bounced off his face and fell in his lap, his body unresponsive. Had they been so obvious or was it just Ichigo that knew, he had to hope it was just her and trust her not to spill the beans. "Thanks," he was able to mumble out before he took up the girl on her offer to sleep, he really needed it. Ichigo turned off the light after taking one last glance at the quickly slumbering teen. She was angry at him for not being able to fulfill Herikawa's wish, but had to admit that if he had betrayed Mizuho for Herikawa he wouldn't have been the man Herikawa thought he was. And that would have made it all worthless.

"I hate him for what he's done, but I respect him for being truthful," she said in a hushed tone as she turned over to get what sleep she could. She'd have to talk to Herikawa if Kei didn't soon and tell the awful truth. But Ichigo wasn't spiteful she would keep the secret relationship to herself, and hope. Hope that one day Kei would realize it was really Herikawa he loved. Pinching her cheek hard she chastised herself, "Don't wish bad on others to make yourself happy."

X-X

The first thing Mizuho felt when sleep faded and wakefulness hit her was pain. Her head felt rotten and ready to split, her heart was pounding in her chest so hard she feared it would rupture. "I'm never drinking again," she muttered low to keep her headache from increasing, she failed. "Kei-kun, do we have any aspirin?" Getting to her feet a wave of nausea washed over her and she raced to the bathroom. After a few unfortunate moments of retching, Mizuho slid away from the edge of the toilet, "Kei I asked if we had any aspirin."

Wiping her mouth with some toilet paper and flushing the whole mess away, Mizuho washed her mouth out with water from the bathroom sink. On unsteady legs Mizuho headed to the kitchen only to find it empty, no food prepared, and more importantly no husband. Sensing another bout of nausea flare only to subside, she set her palm to her throat and sighed. Why she had gotten so drunk last night anyway, she couldn't remember. Taking long and labored breaths Mizuho tried to recall the night and what lead her to drinking so much, her mind was a menagerie of pain and fog. "Kei made supper for us, we shared some wine, and he got that call and left and…"

The call, could that be it? He said it was one of those girls from class calling that needed his help. He couldn't have stayed there right? Was that why she got drunk? Something tried to work its way into her mind but the headache and nausea were keeping her from recalling the true cause, her findings, in the back of her mind. A glance at the microwave's digital clock prompted another fear in Mizuho. "Oh great I'm late! Kei you better have one good explanation for this!" Mizuho yelled in the small confines of her kitchen, her anger getting the better of her.

Rubbing her temples as her heart continued its pained thin beatings as she tried to get dressed for work fears ran rampart in her mind. Had he lied to her about who called, was he having an affair, what else could have kept him out all night and not call or try to contact her? Her eyes narrowed as she slid her shoes on, she was going to have a word with her husband and he better have a very good reason for things. She must have gotten drunk while waiting for him to come back. "Playing around with other girls and leaving me behind…Kei you better not be doing what I hope your not!"

Her mood already darkened by the hangover she was experiencing Mizuho wasn't in a forgiving mood nor was she trying to reason with herself. Their was plenty of good reasons her husband might not have been able to return home but she wasn't trying to think of that, or why she had finished the wine bottle. She was running very late and was in to much pain to think about things logically. "Maria teleport me to the women's bathroom at the school, make it priority one!" The odd machine 'nooed' and Mizuho felt the unsettlingly feeling of weightlessness and it was lucky her stall was empty as she needed it after she was fully materialized. 'Never teleport with a hangover, have to remember that.'

Cleaning herself off again and checking her watch, Mizuho realized even with no travel time she was going to be over five minutes late. Readjusting her brooch, she opened the door to her classroom and forcing a smile on her face strode into the room full of expectant students. "Sorry for being late, the power went out at my apartment and my alarm didn't go off." Great she chided herself she was making all the excuses her students used when they were late. Looking at the sneering almost laughing students Mizuho nearly fell over as her legs locked and her blood chilled, Kei wasn't in his seat and neither was Ichigo, "It appears that we have some absences."

The sudden crack of the door sliding open sent a spike of pain down Mizuho's head all the way to her back. "Sorry we're late Sensei," it was Shinji speaking sheepishly as he and Ichigo bustled into the room and to their seats. A round of catcalls and wolf whistles filled the room as the blushing teens sat down. Herikawa looked accosted as she gave Ichigo a baleful glare, "it won't happen again," Shinji finished even though nobody heard him over the clamor.

Shinji and Ichigo realized that they had a lot of explaining to do as Herikawa and Mizuho's eyes held untold questions for them. The two sat quietly while their friends tried to pry the information as to why they had shown up together and late to boot. They said nothing about what had transpired between them. Mizuho's hand was clenched into a fist so tight it drew a few crescent shaped cuts in her palm. "Alright students I think we've had enough excitement for one morning its time we being class," she looked harshly at the class representative who stated class.

X-X

"Kei man I didn't know you had it in you, you hitting it off with Ichigo!" Hyosuke cheered as he patted his friend on the back. While he didn't see anything overtly special about the small girl if Kei did Hyosuke wished him luck. "When did it start happening?"

"Traitor! I thought you were going to be like me and swear off women. I mean why would you and Ichigo do something like that, and anyway I thought you liked Herikawa," Matagu cried as he stuffed food into his mouth. With Herikawa suspected of liking Kei, he had thought Ichigo was open for an attempt, he didn't want to be alone and beggars can't be choosers.

Sighing in defeat, Shinji had been thinking of how to handle the eventual backlash his arrival would have caused. "Look guys it wasn't what it looked like ok? She just had some problems and it took longer than expected to help her with them. I don't like her like that…she's just a friend ok?" She was a friend, but his nervous and squeaky dialogue did little to convince his friends.

"I don't know, you look like you're hiding something from us," Matagu said. Leaning closer to Kei's face inspecting it for signs of betrayal or dishonesty. "Why should we believe you, you did come to class way late and Ichigo's not the type to ask guys for help, hell she's not the type to ask for help at all."

Knowing, or at least trusting Kei more, Hyosuke's smile faded slightly. "She's not in any trouble is she? She's always so distant from us, real ice queen." Hyosuke looked over at the empty desk where Ichigo usually sat. The girls had all left to eat lunch outside, questioning Hyosuke thought more likely. While he loved Kaede, he believed, their was a part of Hyosuke that felt something odd when he thought about Ichigo. It wasn't much but it was enough to make him concerned.

Wanting to keep the truth of the conversation, his and Herikawa's relationship, a secret Shinji waved his hands. "She's fine now it was just something that she had to ask me about, that's all. She's fine," he hoped. Hyosuke and Matagu shrugged it off, if Kei was saying Ichigo was fine and that nothing happened between them, what else could they really say? Harboring secret suspicions the two changed the topic of conversation to something less dramatic. Yet as they had finished with their interrogation the girls, Kaede being sent to get drinks, had just started.

"Why did you wait until Kaede was gone to talk to me about this," Ichigo asked. Her voice didn't betray the fear coursing her mind. Her hand rapidly opened and closed and her throat was scratching her with every breath. "If it's about Kusinagi-kun and my arrival I assure you it was nothing."

Herikawa's fists shook, her anger was higher than it ever was. "I know you better than that," for how tense she was her voice showed none if it, it was level and steady. Ichigo however could almost feel the rage being kept at bay. "What did you tell him Ichigo, did you tell him I loved him?"

Well one fear was gone, Ichigo realized. Herikawa wasn't one of those to belief gossip or think that Kei and her had some elicit relationship. However she now had to admit she went behind her best friends back and found out the boy she loved wouldn't love her the same way. So the question was, how do you crush your friend's dreams? "I did," was her mumbled reply.

"IDIOT!" Herikawa shrieked in Ichigo's face. "How could you do this to me? I told you I didn't want to risk losing his friendship and yet you had to go and do this…WHY? Ichigo tell me why you did it." She didn't want to know Kei's response, or what had happened afterward to make the two of them late. Herikawa just wanted to know how her friend could go behind her back like that and betray her.

For several minutes all Ichigo did was stare blankly at Herikawa, then as if on some unnoticed command tears. She had been crying a lot the last two days she admitted angrily to herself but it was all because of her love of Herikawa. "I wanted you to be happy! You weren't content to just watch him, I knew that. I knew that if you didn't go after him you'd lose him eventually and it would crush you to know you lost your chance!" Ichigo blotted her eyes out with her hands trying to stave off the fount from her eyes.

Stunned, Herikawa tentatively wrapped Ichigo in a small comforting hug. She had wanted to stay angry at the petite girl but found it impossible. Ichigo was right, she would have been devastated to wait for Kei to come to her only to see him in the arms of another girl. Trying to calm Ichigo further, she ran her hand down the back of the girl's head, petting her and shushing her. "I'm sorry for being mean but you shouldn't have done that. You should have kept on pushing ME to do this for myself Ichigo. You were wrong to do that to him, and to me."

Crushing Herikawa with her own arms, Ichigo clung tenuously to her friend. Her face embedded in Herikawa's chest, Ichigo's words come out mumbled. "I wanted you happy…I really did…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The few passerby's were shocked to see the dispassionate and stoic Ichigo sobbing into the arms of another girl, the glare they received from Herikawa kept them silent about the incident in fear of a sum of pain unthought-of.

Slowly pushing the girl away from her body, Herikawa's heart sunk and a growing coldness settled into her legs. Ichigo would only be this upset if the answer she got wasn't positive. "He's going to reject me isn't he," her question was asked more to herself, to force herself to accept it. "That's why you're so sorry isn't it. You told him this and he didn't respond like I wanted."

Ichigo's eyes widened in horror, she couldn't tell Herikawa that, not ever. The look in Herikawa's eyes however answered Ichigo's plight for her. She knew, Herikawa wasn't foolish and probably guessed that by her own reaction that the answer was bad. All she could do was look away, "I'm so sorry Herikawa…I'm sorry. What…what will you do now?" Ichigo didn't want to ask, but she had to know.

"I'm going to go home early and I'm going to cry," Herikawa said in a matter of fact voice. "Go home and cry like I think the world is going to end, and when I'm done I'll cry some more. Then I'll move on. I'll try to salvage my friendship with Kei and see what happens, but I want you there too, Ichigo." To this point Ichigo was already thinking she was to be abandoned for her transgressions, but to hear she was still wanted, maybe needed, was a plate of food to a starving man. The façade of strength was starting to crumble and Herikawa gave Ichigo one last hug, got to her feet, and started running only to crash into somebody. "I'm sorry…Kazami-sensei?"

Mizuho, bracing herself against the wall, caught her breath, "Herikawa-kun is something wrong you know not to run in the halls." Her words more curt than she intended but her mood had darkened more after she had been called to the principles office to address her tardiness.

"I'm sorry Kazami-sensei, just…something happened and I have to go home, I'll see you tomorrow," Herikawa gushed before running past Mizuho and out the school doors and disappearing in the distance. Mizuho's hand clenched again as she looked down the direction Herikawa had come only to find Ichigo, more pieces of the puzzle that formed a disastrous picture. But the day would be over eventually and she'd learn the truth.

X-X

Shinji couldn't have been sure, but he was nearly positive that Mizuho was upset at him. He hadn't thought of calling and that was a mistake, but he had a good reason. Hell he had suspected that now Herikawa knew he wouldn't love her as she wanted because she had neglected to come back to class after lunch or accompany the group as they walked home from school. Now sitting in the living room waiting for Mizuho to come home, he thought back on the glares, the sudden questions, and the overly aggressive nature that Mizuho had shown, and it reminded him a lot of Misato having a tantrum. That thought gave him a large pounding head ache.

Heading to the kitchen only to find the aspirin on the counter already, he popped two in his mouth and chased them down his throat with a small glass of water. He'd been having more headaches lately and almost all of them coincided with thoughts of the 'dream world' and its occupants. "Maybe I should ask Mizuho about this," he said to himself.

Not expecting an answer to his question, Shinji jumped with Mizuho slammed the door, "Ask me what Kei, if you can stay at one of your girl friends houses again?" Kicking her shoes off with such force that they bounced off the wall. Mizuho stormed into the apartment looking for her husband, her eyes seeing red. Part of her mind tried to calm her, think rationally and not from rumors and half truths.

"Oh Mizuho, sorry about not calling last night things were…complicated," Shinji admitted. The sheer anger in Mizuho's eyes forced him to take steps backward, pressing him against the counter. "Are you upset about it?"

Mizuho's response was a book thrown at his head, "Upset that you'd leave me so you can spend the night at a girls house Kei, no why would I be upset that you abandoned me so you could sleep elsewhere!" Internally Mizuho was screaming at herself to calm down, to stop her tirade before she made things worse, but her emotions were so off balance from the hangover and the trouble at school for being late that she needed an outlet. "So Kei did you and miss Ichigo have a fun night?"

Something in Shinji he didn't know he had snapped, it was his temper. "What does that mean? Are you accusing me of something because if you are just come out and say it." His own headache started to flare with his angered words. Why was she being so childish, couldn't she see he had to have gone to Ichigo's? Stepping forward the two quarreling life mates bore down on the other. Shinji's mind full of fear, pain, and disappointment for his actions regarding Herikawa and his mental state, while Mizuho was distrust, worry, and regret for her own actions.

"I'm saying that you left me last night so you could 'help' Ichigo with something that you couldn't get here. I thought I could trust you Kei, I've tried being patient with you and your amnesia, and I have been. So why is it that now that you're better I catch you sneaking off to other girl's homes?" Mizuho's lungs ached with how loud she was yelling. Each word she said she regretted, hated the fact that she said but now that she'd started she couldn't stop. "I guess I was stupid to be worried about Herikawa when it was Ichigo that was the real threat!"

A cold burning fury and his own childishness showing its ugly head prevented cooler heads from prevailing. "So all that talk about trusting me was bullshit then? You don't trust me at all do you? Ichigo called me over to tell me that Herikawa loved me, but you already knew that. But guess what I told her I was in love with somebody else, care to guess who that was?" Taking several steps forward, Mizuho taking steps back, Kei's words flew in a torrent of disbelief. "It's you! I love you but I guess my 'problems' are too much for you to bear!" Walking past the stupefied Mizuho, Shinji headed for the door, "I'm staying at the Edjima's tonight."

The door slamming woke Mizuho from her slight hypnosis, she had been wrong to accuse him of infidelity with no real proof. Yet he was wrong to have thrown Mizuho's misunderstanding in her face too, but fights aren't the product of sensible minds. "That CHILD!" Mizuho yelled as she strode into the living room and sat heavily into her chair. Was he really the child in this case or was it her? She even knew she was being foolish at yelling at him without asking what really happened. It would have made sense for Herikawa to run off crying if she heard from Ichigo that Kei wouldn't be with her.

"I'm such a child too," she sighed exasperated. She'd have to make this up to him somehow. He was right too, she had said she'd trust him but did she? Sure didn't look like it if she's accusing him of sleeping with other girls. Shaking her head sadly she picked up the report that had caused the whole mess. Flashes of insight cried out for her to put it back down, that the knowledge was dangerous, something she was better off not remembering. Her fingers flipping through the pages against her will, Mizuho saw what had caused her to get drunk. The different readings for Kei's alpha brainwaves.

The first set taken when they first met, compared to his after the amnesia business started, and finally his from the day before. She had suspected that the changes from the second report were due to mental stress and would return to normal after time, they hadn't they two patterns were in fact merging. He had two distinct alpha wave patterns and they were slowly merging into a third, a combination of the two. But such things weren't possible, especially from just a bout of amnesia, what was really happening here was too fantastic to believe.

X-X

Shinji didn't sleep well that night at all, and when he felt the light of the sun filtering into his room he tried to shrug it off, find respite in mindless, thoughtless sleep. Turning to his side and trying to crush is body against the wall and hide from the light, the warm body next to his, and the pleasant moan woke him instantly, he recognized that voice. "M-M-Misato?"

Being woken by her boyfriend's voice, Misato rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Asuka sure did a number on you last night Shin-chan. She yelled at me and ran off to her friend Hikari's." Misato laid her head back down on her pillow and looked passively at Shinji. She couldn't help but love him now, it was odd how she suppressed it before. Yes he was younger than her, but he was the exact compliment to her. Running her fingers down his arm, "you feeling alright, that black eye doesn't hurt does it?"

Lying ridged under Misato's gentle ministrations, Shinji tried to accept what had happened. He'd gone to sleep at the Edjima's and woke back with Misato the morning after Asuka had hit him? How was that possible, he'd spent so long with Mizuho only to have no time pass with Misato save a few hours? "H-how long was I asleep?" Shinji asked dumbly hoping the answer was months or weeks but knowing it was hours.

Feeling the urge to be playful, Shinji didn't have school and her shift wasn't until late that night, Misato rolled over and on top of Shinji, her hands on either side of his face as she held herself above him. "Couple hours mostly, you feeling alright Shin-chan you look a little pale, want Nurse Misato to kiss it and make it better?" She pursed her lips and kissed the tender flesh below Shinji's eyes playfully. "Or are you hurt elsewhere…if I'm not mistaken I think I feel the source of the tension," Misato wiggled her rear playfully as Shinji's morning condition pressed against her legs.

Smiling as best as he could through his fear, part of Shinji was so overjoyed to see Misato again that he lurched forward and kissed her deeply, drinking in her lips. Morning breath aside it was far better than they two of them shared since they started their secret dating. Misato let her arms go lax and spread across his body savoring his odd new boldness. 'I love her,' Shinji thought, 'I love her so much it hurts to be away.'

But what of Mizuho he thought, she was his love not Misato. Misato was a dream, Mizuho was a dream, Misato was real, no Mizuho was real. His mind raged against itself as his hands worked their way to Misato's back while she ran the course of his chest. If it was a dream he intended to make the most of it, show his love for this woman that he would gladly die for. She accepted it, and while Shinji was far from experienced she didn't care, she enjoyed the experience and had the impish impulse that in time he would be vastly improved.

X-X

Author notes

I know some of you are like "what the FCK" but if you look back to the previous chapters you see that Misato and Shinji were getting very close to this point prior to Asuka's visit. Add to it Misato's more open nature I think it fits. Hope you agree or aren't to upset with it. Oh and sorry for the poor grammar on this one, no pre-reader.

Hope you enjoy and continue to support this story, and no Mercaba no lemon for this for the last time!

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie-at-secondimpact-dot-com)


	10. It hurts so good

Standard Disclaimer

Well I guess this story has been neglected long enough. I've good reasons for not writing lately, sickness, back pain, and ACEN but I'm sure you're more interested in the actual chapter and not why I haven't been writing it. Right? Well worry no more as here it is.

X-X

Divergence

Chapter - 10

It Hurts so Good

X-X

Makoto wasn't exactly happy with his life at the moment. He had a good job yes, had a few good friends, namely Shigeru who was listening to his head phones at the moment, and had few worries in life. What was the problem though was his love life was abysmal as the woman of his dreams seemed out of reach. Misato was everything he wanted in a woman, charming, funny, and her body didn't do anything but add to his angst. And as the purple haired woman literally danced into the command bridge it drove a spike in his chest. Letting out a sigh he over heard the source of his work ask.

"So you think its ok to come in late for your shift with that look on your face?" Ritsuko scolded. Sitting at her desk she had seen Misato prancing into the bridge with a Cheshire grin on her face. Tapping her pencil on her consol as Misato approached her, Ritsuko had one thought. _She took my advice faster than anticipated._ "Care to explain yourself?"

Hoping that the look on her face wasn't what he expected it to be, Makoto squeaked out. "You really look happy today Katsuragi-san," his smile was fake but nobody cared or even noticed. From the corner of his eye, Makoto saw the source of his fear, Ryohji Kaji, was standing in the corner watching with a look of contemplation.

Locking eyes with Makoto for a split second, long enough for his heart to lurch, Misato smiled. "Do I, well maybe I am really happy. As for you Rits-chan," Misato turned to the faux blond, her smiling widening threatening to split her head in two. "I don't care that I'm late and I'll explain to you later in private, it's not something that's…work appropriate."

A few hushed murmurs erupted from the crew that heard the near scandalous comment from the head of Nerv tactical. Makoto's heart crushed in his chest, imploded on the sudden evaporation of hope. Turning away from the still bubbling Captain, Makoto saw Kaji's face twist into a scowl and then walk out of the room. _Not what you were expecting either was it?_ But the moment of bonding was lost as both men heard Misato giggle over by Ritsuko.

As he rounded the corner, the air-hiss of the door closing behind him, Kaji's hand clenched tightly. Misato was his, not anybody else. Sure he liked to screw around but in the end Misato was his. He was going to find out who was stealing his time in Misato's bed, she couldn't love that man, no her heart was his, and maybe just maybe she needed to be reminded. "Just a set back, all it is," Kaji said softly to himself as he headed off to plan his

Back in the command bridge, Misato's exuberance overtook her sense of work, she never had anything really to do unless an Angel attacked, finally dragged Ritsuko off to her office. Shutting the door, Misato let out a shrill yelp of victory startling the doctor. "Sorry, sorry Rits but I just have to tell somebody and well since you know about this already I figured you'd be best to talk to." And the fewer people that knew of her boyfriend the better, if it was discovered to be Shinji shit would hit the fan fast.

Rubbing her ringing ears with her hands, Ritsuko's smile was thin. "So you opted to let him poke you huh? You're the only woman that I know that would want her man to be fixated on her body." Where Ritsuko wasn't adverse to the joys of physical intimacy, she wouldn't want a relationship based on it. "And you do know I have work to do, the Eva's won't calibrate or the tests plan write themselves." Her tone, light and cheerful, undermined the barb.

Falling into her chair and rubbing her back against the material, Misato cooed. She didn't know why she was feeling so good about it, she just was. Shinji wasn't the best lover she'd had by a long shot, but the emotional connection of being with him like that was mind bending. "I can't explain it Rits, I just can't. Yes we did and it was totally unexpected. I was by him when he woke and the look on his face…it was just so adoring and one thing led to the next and…wow." Misato's face blushed red at her own candidness.

"So you've a real Adonis then, by the look on your face I'm surprised you came in at all," Ritsuko drawled out as she set her chin on her palm. How long would this last, another man that Misato would screw until it wasn't as good and then toss him? Misato had a few lovers and always went back to Kaji, Ritsuko just hoped the poor man would be let down easy. "Why did you come in then, leave him comatose in his bed, Kami-sama I hope you had the tact to do it away from where the children could hear you."

The smile on Misato's face faded in an instant and replaced by a fierce frown. Her good mood was bludgeoned by Ritsuko's comments, beat to death. Was it the fact that her lover _was_ one of the children, or was it that Ritsuko had such poor opinion of her? "Gee Ritsuko I didn't think you were so callow about things. No he wasn't an Adonis, he was a virgin until this morning, it's just with him it's different. It's not the sex it's the feelings…being one _with_ him. Not something you would understand, no science book has a listing on it. I can't explain how it was different from the times with Kaji and…the others." Misato's tone was laced with shame, her mind hazing over black with regret.

Grinding her teeth for a moment, Ritsuko was contemplating just getting up and walking out. But something in Misato's tone, her statement about feelings locked her legs, incased them in ice. _She actually loves this guy._ It was inconceivable for Misato to find a strong love where she couldn't. Lighting up a cigarette in Misato's office, not caring for the disgusted look on Misato's face, Ritsuko owed up to keep listening. "Sorry, just you have to admit that you've had a lot of boyfriends since I've known you, but to hear this. I guess it's the real deal. Congratulations."

"Thanks," though Ritsuko knew Misato didn't mean it, thought she probably had it coming. "As for the children, no worries about that, I'm not going to do anything to hurt them with this," and she meant that. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room, as both women felt the need to be away from the other but not wanting to be the one that set things into action. So they sat that way until Ritsuko's cigarette burnt away. Watching the smoke lazily drift across the room Misato wondered if she was doing the right thing with Shinji, what he was doing, and praying that things turned out well.

X-X

What Shinji was doing while Misato and Ritsuko stared uneasily at one another, was playing host to his friends. Kensuke and Touji, in a show of concern, chose to bring Kensuke's gamestation over to Shinji's in an impromptu video game marathon. Shinji for his part stayed mostly in a state of quiet contemplation. Handing Touji a can, "Here's your soda, so how are things with Hikari?"

Holding the controller in one hand, Touji moved the can to his mouth, bit down on the pull tab, and opened the can by pulling it down. Downing a quarter in of the can in one drink, Touji grinned. "Great man, glad you finally got me to make a move. So when you going to make your play with the Ice Queen?"

Finishing Touji's character off while the boy talked Kensuke set his controller down and rubbed his finger under his nose. "Yeah Touji won't have anybody to compare himself too unless you finally get yourself a woman. And we've both seen how you two have been looking at each other lately." He handed Shinji his controller as he stood up to stretch.

Shaking his head slowly, Shinji thought back on what he knew of the strange albino. "I've told you guys before, Ayanami and me aren't like that. I want to be her friend I think but she's distant you see?" Ichigo's face popped into his mind as fast as he said the words. _She's not distant she just doesn't know how to interact._ His mind said to him, the part he didn't want to accept. It was the part of his mind that was Kei Kusinagi. "What about you Kensuke, nobody in your eyes?" Again as the words left his mind his mind answered for him, _Misato._ It made sense Kensuke was Matagu.

Missing the pained expression on Shinji's face, Kensuke chuckled. "Misato's the woman for me. Just have to prove myself to her, you getting me in as a pilot would help that, and she'll be mine." Touji's mouth opened wide as he howled with laughter, much to Kensuke's irritation. "What you don't think she'd ever fall for a dashing pilot, saving the world from the villainous angels?"

The controller fell out of Touji's hands as the laughter increased in pitch, his body wracked with convulsions. "Dude she'd take you as serious as a plush toy! Shinji's got a better chance at her than you do!" His side started to ache as he fought to contain himself. Nudging Shinji's side playfully, Touji continued, "Right man, she'd never even consider him."

His head felt like a rotten pumpkin, soft and mushy. Lanced with pain Shinji rubbed his temples in small circles, "Wha? Oh yeah Kensuke…I think she's seeing somebody actually." He wasn't going to take even a slightest chance in Kensuke trying for Misato. He wasn't confident enough in himself try and play along with Touji. Best to defuse the situation well before it could explode. His confidence should have been boosted from the need to wash his sheets before, but he just wasn't. _If she had said something maybe…_ But Misato hadn't said anything leaving Shinji feeling he let her down with his inexperience.

Eyes wide as saucers, Kensuke fell heavily into the couch cushions, "Man that sucks! Bet it's that Kaji guy we saw on the boat wasn't it. It looked like they had a past," Kensuke took the controller back from Shinji still not seeing the heavy breathing and sweating boy. "Guess I'll just have to live vicariously through you guys until I find somebody," his voice was more childlike than every, a sad and betrayed child.

Finally taking his eyes off the screen and looking at Shinji while Kensuke chose his fighter, Touji squinted his eyes. "You ok Shin-man, you look a little sick." Shinji just smiled and waved it off, the nausea had passed and his head was clearing. Suppressing the memories of Mizuho and the others helped him immensely. Oh but how he missed her though, her sweet smile, her pink hair, cheery disposition, her.

"Guys hungry? Its getting later I can make something to eat for supper if you want?" Anything to get out of the room where his friends names and faces where being jumbled in his mind. The real ones or the fake ones, he hated them as much as he liked them. They were his friends or they were dreams keeping him away from his real friends. "I'm going to have to make something soon for Asuka anyway," she'd be back of that he knew without a doubt.

Snorting indignantly Touji shook his head, "You still being the slave to the devil man? Why don't you just tell the bitch off, seriously man she's just using you?" Hikari's opinion that Asuka liked Shinji was preposterous, the bitch couldn't like anybody. About to tell Shinji to not make anything just to piss Asuka off and that they'd have his back, his stomach rumbled. "I uh…yeah man I am kinda hungry."

Kensuke laughed as he again used the diversion to annihilate Touji's character. Shinji stood up and headed to the kitchen, his temperament greatly lightened, "Sure thing Hyo…hope you like western food," Shinji covered for his near slip in calling Touji Hyosuke. To immersed in there game to notice the slip, Touji just commented that anything was fine as Shinji ran to the kitchen, his lungs unable to supply the air his brain needed, his body pins and needles of confusion.

_Touji's real, Kensuke's real, and I'm here that's all there is too it._ His love of Mizuho was nothing but an erotic dream, it had to be! Cheers and challenges continued to erupt from the living room while he cooked his meal for his friends. It helped to have something to focus on, to keep his mind from going down avenues of thought that he didn't want to walk. Dark and dangerous roads. Misato being unsatisfied with him or comparing him to Kaji, Mizuho's existence, and his own sanity. Things he didn't want to think about now. Hearing a knock at the door, Shinji called out, "Can one of you get that I can't leave the stove right now."

Kensuke called out, "Sure, I'm tired of kicking Touji's ass right now anyway." Shinji heard Touji yell out a denial and Kensuke running off to the door. Wondering who would be visiting at this point of the day, Shinji poked at the noodles with his spoon, maybe Misato had more friends than she let on? Kensuke let out his answer in a sing-songy voice, "Hey Shin-man Ayanami's here to see you."

X-X

Her emotional high was defiantly destroyed as her shift neared its midpoint. The talk with Ritsuko did a number on it, but it wasn't until Kaji made his appearance did it officially die, shot down by an old flame. "Kaji don't you have work to do besides following me around the base?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Kaji just smiled his best smile at her and moved in closer. "Nothing that's more important than catching up with you Misa-chan, been awhile since we had a night out hasn't it?" Play on her alcoholism and she'd be right back where she was supposed to be, with him. Cheap tricks are the best tricks after all. _Hell maybe I'll send a thank-you card to the 'ex' for getting us back together._

Stepping out of his arms reach, Misato found her shoulder to the wall as she walked to the galley for her mid-shift meal. Shinji hadn't been very capable of cooking it as she'd kept him occupied so she'd have to buy it, small price to pay. "Kaji I'm serious leave me alone alright, I'm not going out drinking with you, I'm not humoring you anymore, we're finished." She cursed her previous candidness more than ever now as it had set Kaji into defensive mode.

With no room to escape him, Kaji casually brushed up against her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Is that anyway to talk to me Misato. We've played this game before in college and I'm tired of it. Let's just cut the shit and make it official ok? Tell that guy of yours it was a mistake and we can be like we used to be, like we're supposed to be." He cursed for a moment choosing not to wear aftershave today, it always drove Misato wild.

Drawing her arm to her side, Misato shoved Kaji away and into the opposite wall. "Fuck off Kaji. You're right we have played this before, I wanted to be a serious couple and you wanted sex. Isn't that how we broke up two no make that three times? Me finding you in somebody else's bed?" Misato now wondered what she'd saw in the man that made her forgive him so many times. As he neared her again, so casual about touching her side, her hip, she remembered. _He was just so good at it._

"You can't be serious Misa-chan, you and me were made for one another. He can't please you the way I can and you know it," his face had all the smugness of politician. She was caving in he could tell. "Lets just bail out of here early, hit a bar, and see where things go?"

The temptation that was usually there wasn't, Misato was mystified if not a little sickened at how blind she had been to her faults before. Hearing him continually bring up beer and sex made her ill as she looked back on her life. All it had been was drinking, sex, and maybe work. "Is that how you see me Kaji, is that all you see when you look at me?" her voice was hallow, weak, and in her ears dirty. _Is that how he sees me?_ She hoped not.

Tilting his head back and grinning in believed success, Kaji leaned in close to Misato's ear. Breathing hot and softly into it, "Misa-chan that's what you are, nothing to be ashamed of. You and I are the same, and he won't understand that or you." Misato quivered under his touch, a good sign indeed.

Forward momentum stopped, Misato's head dipped low as she shut her eyes. Drawing in several deep breaths she tried to steady herself, compose herself. A drunken whore. That's what Kaji was saying she was and she didn't want that. She liked having fun yes, but didn't want him, Shinji, to see her as some boozed up floozy. She wanted to be better for him. He was fighting a war for her, keeping her alive, loving her, and giving her what he thought she wanted. Kaji however…

Balling her hand into a fist, Misato let loose her pent up anger and sadness into the side of Kaji's head. Her fist ached as she crashed it into him. "ASSHOLE!" She shouted as tears started streaming down her face, tears of shame. "Don't talk like you know me you pompous ass! A drunk fuck is that what you want from me? You don't love me you just want to have me under foot. The moment someone tries to 'steal' me from you and you jump into action, my knight in latex armor." Her whole body trembled with rage and regret, a maelstrom of unpleasantness.

Shocked, Kaji looked at Misato in a type of wonder. She wasn't caving in like he thought, nor was she going to calm down it seemed. Trapped in her gaze like a small animal before a wolf, Kaji swallowed hard. "Misato, I didn't mean it that way honestly," how he had meant it was debatable.

"I don't care how you meant it. I don't care about you anymore Kaji. He cares for me! The drunk bitch that you want to pump, he doesn't see that! Hell I had to almost jump him to get him to finally accept me! And it was better than anything we had because I love him!" Misato was now bent over and screaming in Kaji's face as he slide further down the wall. Slowly the hall began to fill with spectators. "He doesn't want me just to have his way with me! And I…I…don't deserve it. Not me the alcoholic bimbo." The last words were said so low that nobody but Misato heard them. Turning on the balls of her feet, Misato started running only to crash into Ritsuko.

In a show of compassion, Ritsuko hugged her friend, having heard the whole thing. People can change, and love is often a driving force in that. Ritsuko ran her hand up and down Misato's back slowly as Misato cried in her arms, bucking and convulsing with each sob. "Hush now Misato…I'll cover the rest of the day. Go home or to him this man of yours." Misato looked dumbly at Ritsuko, knowing that both locations were the same, and the kindness in Ritsuko's eyes wouldn't be there if she knew it. Without any other words Misato headed home.

X-X

When Kensuke said that Rei was over to see Shinji he had no idea how correct he was. From the moment she entered the apartment she said nothing but 'I am here to see Ikari-kun.' She said nothing else and sat on the couch while the other two boys attempted to make conversation. They ranged from trying to egg her on to admit liking Shinji, make jokes, and even talk about her job but met with nothing but silence. Even after Shinji called them all to eat she did nothing but sit quietly and wait for her chance to talk to Shinji.

Once the food was eaten, Touji stood up and patted his stomach, "Well Shin-man we know when we're not wanted so we're taking off. Right Kensuke?" Touji latch his hand on Kensuke's shoulders and started leading him to the door just in the case the be-speckled boy had any other opinion. Before the door shut giving the two pilots the privacy the female wanted Touji stated, "Now you two play nice and I'll want details at school tomorrow."

Gathering the plates from the table, Shinji headed to the kitchen, "Ayanami-san I have to start cleaning these now or it'll be really hard later, and we can talk in the kitchen right?" Seeing all these people for the first time in weeks was all too much for him. Was it weeks as he knew it or only hours in reality? To many questions, to many possibilities, and all of them made his head literally pound. "Shall we?"

Nodding briefly, Rei got to her feet and followed the weary Ikari into the kitchen. "That was the second time somebody has commented on the two of us being intimate, why is that Ikari-kun?" Rei asked offhandedly as she followed. A rosy blush adorned her cheeks at the implications but she couldn't fathom why.

Fighting back his own hormonal surge Shinji started filling the sink with warm water. "I think they're confused because they only see you talking to me. If you talked to more people I doubt they'd make that assumption. Did you want some tea while I did the dishes?" He asked as more a formality than any real thought Rei would want some, she had business to attend to and she'd see to it before anything else. _Just like Ichigo._ And with the thought came the needle of pain in his head.

Her complexion finally settling back into the pale alabaster white it often was, Rei shook off Shinji's offer. Standing close to him to gauge his physical as well as vocal reactions to her questions, reading Shinji's body language often gave her more information than his uneasy answers. Well that was true up until a month or so ago. "That will be of no need. I have some questions for you Ikari-kun if you'd answer them."

Chuckling softly to himself, Shinji looked over his shoulder at Rei, "Before that Rei," Shinji noticed Rei's shocked expression at the use of her name. He continued, "Rei, I like to think of us as friends. I've known you ever since I came to this town, and even though we've had some rough spots, I like you as a friend. Can you call me Shinji then, a show of friendship?"

A churning warmth spread in Rei's stomach, it spread outward and eventually filled her whole body. Friends? Did she ever have somebody claim to be her friend, and where they even needed? According to the commander they weren't, but the pleasant feeling in her made her doubt. "If you say so Shinji-kun. May we begin with my questions now?" She couldn't be allowed to be confused now.

His hands working on auto-pilot, a trait that he was comfortable with, Shinji gave Rei his full attention. "What did you want to ask me Rei?" Her red eyes were so similar to Ichigo's. Attentive, intelligent, and calculating. "I'll try to answer as best I can."

Rei debated for a moment how to breach the subject. Shinji usually was adverse to some questions from her observations at school, but again his actions had changed suitably. "Are you and Captain Katsuragi in a physical relationship?"

The plate in Shinji's hand fell from his deft fingers. His heart stopped for a moment only to explode in his chest. Blood thundered through his body so hard his fingers tingled. "What! Me…Misato…how…?" It was impossible for her to have seen them, they've been so secret.

"The Second Child visited me yesterday and inquired into my relationship with you so it was clear she wasn't the one which you've been with. I have noted that Suzuhara and Hokari have formed a bond so it was unlikely that she was either. From your actions I have predicted that you've engaged in a relationship with somebody and they are responsible for you change in behavior. By the process of elimination I have narrowed your likely candidates down to Captain Katsuragi, and gauging from your reaction I am correct." Rei coughed softly and took the extended glass of water from Shinji, it hurt her throat to talk to much so quickly.

_Just like Ichigo_. Shinji didn't know if he was proud of Rei or resented her for her ability to so easily deduce his lover. As Rei tended to her parched throat, Shinji sat down visibly nervous. "You're right, no point in lying to you about it. Wouldn't want to anyway." Just looking at Rei filled Shinji with a sense of nostalgia that he couldn't place. "Will you…"

Setting the empty glass in the sink, Rei walked over to Shinji. Setting a delicate hand on his shoulder she did something that always set Shinji's heart aflutter, she smiled warmly at him. "I said I would protect you did I not, that extends into this. I will keep this knowledge a secret as it is what a…friend would do." The word tumbled out of her lips like a foreign entity. Feeling stranger than before, Rei squeezed Shinji's shoulder unconsciously. "Now that I have my question answered I will take my leave."

As Rei headed for the door, Shinji followed, "Rei you should come over more often. We don't get to talk as much as I'd like. Take care." Rei nodded and left as quietly as she came. Shutting the door as his borrowed confidence fled his body, Shinji laid down on the couch and absently turned the television on. _Asuka still hasn't come home yet._ Not that he was ready for that yet anyway.

Rei, talking to her had send more doubts in his mind as to reality. He couldn't fight the feeling he had around her, she was somehow so important but not in a romantic way. Asuka was. He knew he had feelings for her, less than for Misato, but they were there. Living with both of them was going to be hell. "Is this just a dream though?"

"I didn't now I had that effect on you Shin-chan," Misato cooed from over the ridge of the couch. Shinji's eyes popped open at the sound, pitch, in her voice. It was a mix of playful and sadness. "I just saw Ayanami walking out of here, cheating on me already are you?"

The mock scowl was easily seen through as Misato rolled over the cushions and landed on Shinji. Looking down at him, she still felt dirty about this. "No, she had a question and as I'm sure you know she knows about us." Misato's face mimicked his when Rei had said it. "Don't worry though its not that she seen us, she just proceeded with eliminating the others until only you were left. She promised not to tell anybody too."

Letting out the breath she held unknown, Misato collapsed on top of Shinji, enjoying the warmth from his body. Feeling him tense slightly, and something else stir which she doubted was intentional, Misato sighed. They had to talk and now was the best time for it as Asuka was gone. "Shin-chan we need to talk about us…are you ok with that?" She had to know if he regretted it, being with such an ugly and sick woman. _He could be ruining his life._

Expecting and experiencing are two different things. Shinji had been expecting Misato to nail the coffin that was their relationship closed, but facing it now was something else. His eyes misting over, "I know what you're going to say. And I'm ok with it. I'm just glad that it lasted as long as it did." His dialogue was broken with sudden 'hics' and pauses.

Seeing him start to break down, hearing his words, and knowing him as she did Misato's plan discussion was cut down. _It was his first time this morning and I didn't say anything…just like I was with Kaji except Kaji knew better._ Lowing herself slowly, Misato kissed Shinji's eyelids. "Shin-chan, you think I'm unhappy don't you, that I want to break this off?" How easy it would have been just to say that he was right, but that feeling of connection, of love from him FOR him stopped her. Seeing him nod and look away from her made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. He was so innocent yet at the same time not.

"Shinji, I won't lie to you and say it was the best I've ever had," she saw him about to speak but kissed him quickly to stop him. "Physically. But emotionally it was something I've never experienced. You're young Shinji don't worry about how you 'measure' up to others. I was happy that you'd have me…a dirty whore whose life is seen through the lenses of beer bottles." It was Misato's turn to look away, unable to bear Shinji's eyes on her.

Stunned at her admission, his expectations blown away by the truth that he wasn't going to be denied the feelings he had for her. He was equally astonished to hear her degrade herself as she had. Cupping her chin as best he could from his prone position, Shinji smiled, "You're beautiful Mis…Misa-chan" he caught himself again almost calling her the wrong name. Her tear laden eyes so similar to Mizuho's. "If you think you've a drinking problem we can work on it together. I wouldn't mind if you drank less for your health, and you're not a whore." The words where hard for him, he'd never experienced this before.

Misato just crumpled on him, feeling him wrap his arms around her and hold her. The child acting more the adult than the real adult. But it felt so wonderful to hear him say that, even if he was lying she wouldn't have cared. Just knowing, believing, he didn't see her as she feared, as she saw herself, was enough. "I love you Shinji Ikari," she said softly as she closed her eyes and just let herself be held.

"I love you to Misato, I do," and at that moment in time Mizuho was furthest from his mind. He was glad to be in Tokyo-3 with the angels attacking and not in the quiet town with an alien teacher. He loved the woman that was already snoring on his chest, he cared for his friends here, and would deal with the problems. But a slow drowning pain in his head started to build. He pushed it away as being stress and chose to follow Misato's lead and take a nap.

Luckily for the two of them Asuka didn't show up that night, staying at Hikari's again. Making her plans to capture the heart of the boy she hadn't expected to be as suited to her as she first believed. But for this night it was a peaceful night sleep.

X-X

Author notes

Sorry if Rei came off as OOC, but I think it works and fits her. Hope you enjoyed this the latest chapter, and remember that I've only a few other stories going right now, and my novel (horror story that I hope to finish and get published) so you'll be seeing updates more frequently

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie-at-secondimpact-dot-com)

X-X


	11. Plans within Plans

Standard Disclaimer

Told you to expect faster updates to this story didn't I? Here it is next chap for ya and you didn't even have to wait half a year. I've recently started getting requests for the next 'What We' and I've an answer for that. WW has always been a story I wrote when I didn't have good ideas fleshed out for my more 'important' stories, a filler if you would.

And it was a little game between me and one of my pre-readers. Sadly he's gotten himself a life and doesn't have much time to spend wasting with me but that's cool, glad for him . Long story short their will be more WW but just not as often.

Well enough prattle.

X-X

Divergence

Chapter 11 – Plans within plans

No time moves faster than the time spent in peace and that held true for Misato and Shinji. Two weeks had passed since they first joined physically and despite a small power outage a week and a half afterward and the death of the next angel things had been great for them. Asuka however had been spending more time plotting with Hikari about the best method of swallowing her pride and confessing her intentions to the pilot she'd grown to care for.

Now looking at the results of the post battle sync test, Ritsuko was far from happy. "Something is seriously wrong here Misato. What if what happened today happens with when the next angel attacks? We'd be killed!" Her eyes wandered to the screen where the pilots were seen heading to the locker room to change back into their school cloths.

Her own eyes trailing after her lover, Misato held a sense of panic that it was what they've done that caused Ritsuko's distress. _I wasn't too easy on him after that battle, I was just so afraid of losing him already._ "I don't follow Ritsuko, I mean so he had a little trouble syncing at first but he got it on the third try and his score is higher than ever." Flashes of memory spread out before her eyes, their second time together breed of fear and desperation.

"He didn't have trouble Misato, it rejected him completely! It was like it wasn't even him in there. And look at these readings," Ritsuko pointed at several screens. A showing of Shinji's ego-borderline, a wide spread of color and size. "This isn't what a human ego-border is supposed to look like, not even close. Look at Asuka's." Ritsuko's finger moved to another screen. The contrast was so great it was as if they were completely different concepts. "Something is wrong with him!"

Feeling more anger than foolishness, Misato crossed her arms, "Ritsuko I'm a tactician not a scientist I can't make head nor tails of this…stuff." But was that really why the comment made her mad? _No, I'm just upset that she's talking like this about him._ The idea that being with her was causing something to be wrong with Shinji was asinine, they were happy! _Right?_

Sliding her chair over to the couple, Maya separated the two from one another. "It's not that serious Katsuragi-san. All this shows is that something in Ikari-kun's mind is offset, it could be an effect of puberty. Sadly we've only three pilots to compare and no precedent to base our readings on. Plus the pilots are all very different from one another which complicates things more so." Maya relaxed when the tension lines on Misato's face relaxed away.

"Maya's right Misato, maybe I overstress things a bit. I guess I'm still upset about all the money we spent on developing new weapons and we've not had a chance to use them," Ritsuko said. All the time, effort, and her own endangerment of the Third Child were so far for naught. _If they ever found out it was my fault I'd be let go._

Giggling lightly Maya covered her mouth, "The commander put so much importance on those weapons and what do we use…air vents and pallet riffles." It was so stupid she couldn't help but laugh at it.

Gazing at Maya's innocents, Ritsuko's hard face relaxed and a smile spread on her own, Misato saw this but said nothing. "Not the most serious of missions was it, but good thinking on Misato's part. And how about the look on the pilots' faces when the jumped down the vent at the command bridge? I swear Asuka was going to kill Shinji for…what did she say," Ritsuko looked up as she tried to recall the exact words and pitch, "looking up my skirt."

Maya's giggles exploded into full fledged laughter, "That sounds just like her Sempai!" Wiping a tear from her eye, Maya was elated to just be in her mentor's presence. "But if she didn't want him to do that, why have him go last? Maybe she's not as mad at him as she wants us to think?" In a flash of insight, Maya slapped her fist into her palm, "That could be it! Ikari-kun's change in mentality, maybe he and Asuka are seeing each other and he's confused or something about it?"

The mood changing back to serious, Ritsuko let her brief moment of joy pass and the stiff look of determination fell back into place like a well oiled machine. "It might be a cause but not likely the main reason. These readings are far beyond simple confusion, but maybe you could keep an eye on them Misato. I'd hate for them to do anything to complicate things."

"Oh am I still here, I thought you two had forgotten that I was here you were having such a good little chat," Misato spat out. More fear and apprehension that she didn't want or need. She trusted Shinji to not betray her, but Asuka wasn't known for not fighting for what she wanted, so what would happen if Asuka took a liking to him? _Jealous much am I?_ But she couldn't help it. Hearing those comments about Asuka stuck a real cord. She'd been a lot nicer to him in the last few days. Hardly yelling at him, actually thanking him for things, and why had she let him go last?

Letting out a heavy sigh, Ritsuko recognized that tone in Misato's voice. "Having problems Misato, you and that new boyfriend having a fight already?" It would have made sense, a month was the usual lifespan of Misato's non-Kaji boyfriends. Giving Maya a brief nod in the other direction, Ritsuko hoped the tech would take the hint and leave.

Catching the subtle gesture, Maya looked back at her console, "We'll I've got to update the Magi with the new results, maybe I'll throw a few tests in about Ikari-kun's ego-border. I'll talk to you both later?" While she could stand to not talk to Misato much, her personality was to open for Maya's taste, talking with Ritsuko was so energizing that Maya was confused by it.

"No we're not having a fight, its just whenever you two talk about these readings and scores…I just wonder if I'm the right person for this…if we shouldn't get somebody smarter," a partial lie but the best lie is often hidden between truths. She did at times wonder if she was the best choice for this role.

Her suspicions were raised that something wasn't being said, but Ritsuko held her tongue on it. "You've done well up till now Misato, very well actually. And I forget at times that our specialties are so different." The air between them was starting to grow heavy again, full of unasked questions and worries. Trying to lighten the atmosphere, "So if you're not fighting how are things?"

"I don't deserve him Rits, I really don't. He treats me like I want to be, knows when I'm happy or sad, but he's still so shy about being intimate it's a little…" Misato felt a tightening in her chest at her own words. _No! No! I'm not seeing him for sex, I don't want that kind of life anymore! I want to be better!_ But despite the want she'd made no effort to stop herself or her drinking.

Nodding, Ritsuko could see the conflict brewing in Misato's mind all over the woman's face. _Well I hope it works out for them._ But the doctor could see the razor already, and it was Misato that would decide the fate of the relationship. If the woman could change herself as it seemed she wanted it would work, if she couldn't…well if she couldn't Kaji would be getting an apology from her and that would be the end of it. "Just give him some time Misato, things work out best if given time."

X-X

Arriving at school just in time to join their friends for lunch, Asuka and Shinji joined the quartet outside school in the quad area to dine. Unknown to the males, the females were about to spring a trap on one of their number. It was going to be the first direct attack, but it was going to be sly and hidden until the moment of the actually strike.

"A party at our apartment? Asuka I don't think Misato would approve of that," Shinji commented. He liked spending time with his friends yes, but he wasn't sure if he wanted them sleeping next to Misato. _They'd do something stupid that's for sure…but at least no need to worry about Touji and Hikari since they're a couple already._ The smile that came with the memory of Hyosuke and Kaede becoming a couple after such a party was marred by the spike that drove itself in his head.

Shinji's complexion suddenly going pale was missed by all but Hikari whose question was overshadowed by Asuka's voice. "That's why we do it tomorrow when she has a night shift! Its perfect we won't have school the day after and I think we deserve to celebrate another angel's defeat!"

A giddy sensation in his throat, Kensuke unconsciously gripped his camera harder. It'd be a chance to get a good look around Shinji's apartment, see if the rumor about the woman having a boyfriend was true. Plus it'd be a welcome change to the boring nights on his computer. "Why not man, it'd be a blast to have an all nighter? I got a few new games we can try and some sweet new movies."

Asuka and Hikari gave each other a knowing glance, Kensuke wouldn't stand a chance. They'd been planning this little fiasco ever since Asuka heard Rei's comment about pushing Shinji away. Nothing was to happen that they didn't already script out. Sensing the hostility to the idea, Asuka nudged Hikari. "You want to have a party don't you Touji? We can all have a big blast to thank Shinji and Asuka for all of their hard work," Hikari batted her eyelashes as she knew Touji liked that.

Deep down Touji knew something was up with the sudden need to celebrate, but if Hikari wanted it he'd cave in for her sake. "Guess they have a point Shin-man. What harm could it do anyway? We have some good eats, play a few games, watch some movies, and pass out. We'll even help clean up afterward so you don't have to do it all yourself. We know the Devil won't help with that."

His head starting to clear out more, Shinji squinted his eyes to fight back the last annoying pinprick of pain between his eyes. _Asuka's got something planned, just like Herikawa did._ He knew it just like he knew the sun would rise the next day. Seeing all the expectant faces on his, Shinji was trapped already. They were waiting for him to say ok, to walk into the trap he knew was waiting for him. He couldn't spoil things for them so he sealed his fate. "As long as we keep it a secret from Misato and we clean up afterward I'm game."

Receiving to slaps on the back from his two friends, Shinji soon found himself being lifted off the ground. "Let's go man, we have things to plan! If we're going to have a party it's going to be a blast!" Touji said as he pulled his friend back into the school to plan. He couldn't really explain why he felt so good about having a party at Shinji's he just did. Touji noticed a gradual change in his friend, and he couldn't tell Kensuke this, but Touji felt a greater friendship for Shinji than the military geek. Sure Kensuke came first but something about Shinji was more compatible for him.

So seeing the reluctant smile that Shinji was trying his best to hide, to cover, Touji felt that this was a great idea. "You sure you don't mind this Shinji?" Kensuke asked as they found their way back inside. "You're a little apprehensive back there."

The pain finally gone, Shinji just shrugged. What harm could it really cause, he already knew to be on his toes for whatever Asuka had planned and that was the first step to avoiding it. "Just not the party type I guess."

"You're worried about what the Devil's got planned right, written all over your face," Touji didn't know if he wanted Shinji and Asuka together, but could see the signs. She hadn't yelled at 'him' when they did something stupid. _Just Ken and me, she's treating him with kid gloves, bitch has got to feel something for him._ "If ya worried why not invite the Ice Queen. That aught to put a stop to whatever she's planning."

"You think Asuka's got something planned for the party?" Kensuke asked having not really expected anything from Asuka save the need to have her ego stoked.

Ignoring Kensuke's question, Shinji looked at Rei as she ate alone at her desk. "Maybe your right Touji, maybe I should." He hated seeing her alone because he associated loneliness with sadness. _Well that stops now, she's my friend and I'm going to try and help her._ His resolve set, Shinji walked over to Rei's desk to request her attendance.

Out in the quad two girls finished they're strategy meeting not knowing that a very large wrench was just about to be thrown into them.

X-X

_He was hiding something, they both were I can feel it._ Misato thought as she made here way down the long grey corridors of Nerv. She checked her watch for the ninth time that hour, it still only said 9:30, and she'd been only working for an hour. "Why didn't he just tell me what it was, I know its something." She trusted him, had to trust him, but memories of Kaji with a stranger in her bed made it hard.

"Already keeping secrets from you Misato," Kaji said as he fell instep with Misato. Her gaze hardened instantly. Opening her mouth to tell him to leave, Kaji pre-empted her by holding up a bouquet of tulips, her favorite. "I know I should have said it before but I wanted to give us both a chance to calm down. I'm sorry Katsuragi, I really am. I didn't think I was making you feel like that." He handed the flowers into her unprepared hands.

"Kaji I…I'm the one that needs to apologize. I overreacted to what you said. It just…when I look back on my life I don't like what I see," she couldn't meet his gaze and the flowers sweet smell made her sick. So fragrant and beautiful that she wanted to crush them just to spite them, for making her think and feel what she did about herself again. _What have I done to change myself…nothing. What has he done to change himself for me…everything. And here I am suspected him of cheating on me._

He was set, she was open for the taking. Kaji had waited for this night with bated breath. Ritsuko had the night off as did most of the bridge crew, and here they were together and alone. "We can't change the past Misato, we just learn from it. I forgive you if you forgive me, ok?" Moving in closer to her he noticed her noise sniffing the air. _Smell something you remember?_

She did, the aftershave she loved so much, musky yet mellow. "Kaji I know what you're doing and stop please ok? I forgive you for what you said the other day but I'm not going to leave him for you, not this time." But why was her breathing coming in shallower and why her thighs were rubbing together so tightly. _OH hell no…please not this..not now!_ Sadly however her body had reacted just like Kaji hoped, she was remembering. "Just go away Kaji," her voice was painfully weak.

He did love her, that wasn't a doubt Kaji had. Having somebody to come back to made all his missions feel safer, made what he did have more purpose. Wrapping an arm around her waist, Kaji pulled Misato into a crushing embrace. "I won't let you go this time Misato. I care for you, you know that I do. We wouldn't be like this if you cared about that guy more than me. I know you…you know me…and he can't say the same."

Try as she might to escape his hold, her body was prone in his arms. Slowly becoming weaker and weaker as he spoke the silky smooth words into her ears. Yes she knew Kaji loved her as she did him once. But that was the past, and the past was dead and buried. "Kaji I can't…I lo…" she couldn't finish as he sealed her lips with his own. She saw it then, what Kaji had done. Moved to fast for her to keep up with his plan, kept moving and dancing around her likes, her pushes, and her weaknesses. Pushing all the right buttons and turning all the right knobs to appeal to her more basic physical side.

She fought as best she could to stop him but to no avail, her body betrayed her. Not expecting had been the first mistake, and she knew that. Letting him get closer to her knowing their past together had been the second. And the last was not pushing him away after the first kiss, but rather melting into it.

An hour later she was sobbing in the bathroom to herself. Kaji was in the men's washroom taking a shower with a small content smile on his face. Misato cursed her weakness more and more, tried to stop crying but the tears continued to flow. _Oh God I cheated on him already! What the hell is wrong with me? I knew Kaji was going to try something again but I didn't stop him…hell I all but gave myself to him on a platter. _

She'd kept her air of confidence up long enough to see Kaji out of the office they'd used, but once she walked into the shower to wash she'd crumpled. She was a slave to her own senses while her mind cried out for her to tell him no, to stop, that she didn't want to but her body wouldn't. Her body DID want all the things Kaji could offer it, physical pleasure but no emotion. "What do I tell him…how can I tell him?" The streams of water traveling down her body had no answers for her and did little to sooth her body.

_I failed him and myself…how am I even going to look at him knowing what I did?_ The boy that was trying his best to be good for her, to make her happy and succeeded was repaid with her taking Kaji up on his second offer of a few moments of carnal bliss. "I'm a horrid woman."

X-X

The movie being played was a cheesy old American horror movie about an ax murderer in Texas. Touji and Hikari were snuggling on one of the chairs, while Kensuke lay on the floor. The couch was occupied with the trio of pilots. Asuka shot Rei an annoyed glare, the damn blue haired freak could ruin everything she had planned. Pushing the pause button, Asuka got everybody's attention. "Are we ready to start the real party?"

Leaning heavily on the armrest to avoid being to close to Asuka, she had chosen the seating arrangements, Shinji looked at her questioningly. "But we just started the movie?"

"Yeah I love these stupid American horror movies, all gore, nudity, and no plot! They're perfect!" Kensuke chimed in and received a high-five from Touji. "Why not watch this first before you go and change things?"

Mildly interested in the interactions among the other children, Rei tilted her head and watched Shinji squirm under Asuka's attention. "The people in this film are getting what they deserve for acting on foolish impulses."

"Whatever, we'll watch the rest of it later if we have too," Asuka bore down on Kensuke until he wilted under the intensity of it. "Plus it took a lot of effort to get the refreshments for this party and I don't want them going to waste." All but skipping out of the room, Asuka left all but Hikari confused in her wake. Returning from her room moments later she held several bottles of colorful liquid. "Ta-da!"

_Just like Herikawa did…bring on the booze and the games then she'll lay it on me when we're alone._ Shinji thought as he heard the boisterous yell of Touji and Kensuke. "You think it's a good idea for us to drink?" he asked knowing how she'd respond. Even without comparing Asuka to Herikawa he knew what she would say.

Already pouring the various liquids into cups and handing them out, Asuka just waved off his concerns. "What fun is a party when nobody drinks?" Putting on in his hand, Asuka smiled warmly at him when he took it. She felt so nervous about just talking to him right now that she needed a drink to do what she knew she wanted to do. _How did he become so important to me…one day he's a spore the next I can't stop thinking about him._ But it was that difference in him, that meekness and underlying strength that drew her to him, a moth to a flame.

Sipping her own cup, Rei held the cup away from her like a poisonous snake. "It burns when I drink it," she could feel it moving down her throat and entering her stomach. "Why do you insist we drink this?" She asked looking again at Shinji, her emotional support during this whole endeavor. Not really wanting to be there, to many people for her to feel comfortable round, Rei had only relented to come to make Shinji happy, and to watch over him.

"Its supposed to burn, that's the sign that its good booze!" Touji said as he drank half his cup in one gulp. When the alcohol hit him, Touji craned his neck far to the left, held it, then spun in hard and fast letting out a loud 'whoop.'

Pushing the play button again, Kensuke started to nurse his own cup. "Might as well enjoy it while it lasts," he and Touji had no idea how Shinji got Rei to show up, and actually felt odd with her there. She was doing nothing but watch Shinji or Asuka and make odd questions about things people usually knew due to general knowledge.

"You can thank my sister for this you guys," Hikari said as she took the cup Asuka offered. "She said that as long as we didn't leave the apartment she'd have no problem buying it for us, and you can thank Asuka for paying for it." She grimaced when she tried her own, not caring for the taste but needing to play along or Asuka wouldn't let her hear the end of it.

Making her own drink, a lot stronger than she anticipated, Asuka sat back down on the couch closer to Shinji than before and that didn't go unnoticed. "Well drink up guys, we can't have any left over to give away what we did and we've a few bottles to go through." She leaned back and tried to sooth her nerves in the movie and the spreading warmth of the drink. Liquid confidence was often what it was called, and right now Asuka needed it, and hated herself for that. _Where is that strength I say I have when I needed it! All I need to do is tell him but I go and make this production to do it._

The teens lapsed into a content silence after the drinks were passed out. Each had many things on there mind but as the alcohol took effect they all became more enraptured by the movie. Hikari holding Touji closer during the more gruesome scenes, even Rei's hand clenched once towards the end. But with all things the movie ended and Asuka turned off the television. "Movie time is over, now we play some games! You all hear of 'Obey the King'?"

At this point everybody had expected what was to come next Rei cleared her throat and raised her hand. "I have not heard of this game." Her chest was burning and her mind awash with apprehension as she saw the eyes of the others on her, and she was right when she thought she saw some anger there. She just didn't fit in with them, was to different from them, but Shinji's face was smiling at her. _He looks…proud?_

He was, she was trying to get along with them, to make friends with them. "It's easy Rei," the look on Touji and Kensuke's faces when they heard him use her first name was worth having the party for in Shinji's mind. Mouths agape and eyes wide like a fish caught in a net. Chuckling a little he pressed on. "We draw straws from a cup, one has a crown on it the other numbers. Whoever draws the crown tells one or two numbers to do something. Easy enough?"

"Grab the end of the coffee table we'll play on the floor," Asuka ordered as Rei nodded and took another sip from her cup, her third full glass. Touji and Kensuke heeded Asuka's command and moved the table out of the play area. "Ok rules are simple you can ask anything but if you think the command is to much ask the others and they'll have a ruling on it. They side with the king you're screwed, they side with you the command is overruled. But it has to be questioned before we know who has to do it."

The others agreed and they gathered around the cup, Rei sitting on Shinji's right Asuka his left. Touji elbowed Kensuke in the ribs and leaned over close to him, "Dude she's been all over him since…since we got here…we gots to help Shin-man 'k?" The drinking causing Touji to see things he wished to, and he wanted Shinji to see Rei if he had to see anybody.

Nodding with enough force to almost knock him over, Kensuke slurred, "Sshure ting, goin be great!"

"Round one everybody pull your straw, and we play it easy for the first round so Wondergirl can understand what we're doing," Asuka spat out at Rei. Her vision was elongating and distorting, as if she were looking down a long mirrored tunnel. "Draw!"

"Yeah I'm duh king!" Touji bellowed as he saw the tiny crown on his straw. Sneering at him, Asuka just hoped he didn't ruin the game before the important part that was the driving force for the party. "Ok…numba tree tell us an embarrassing secret."

Shaking his head slowly, Shinji smiled widely, "I think you've drunk enough Touji, we can hardly understand you." Spinning his own cup in his hand, Shinji had only drunk two but could feel it already clouding his judgment. "So who is number three?"

Standing up, Rei raised her stick. "When Shinji came to my apartment to deliver my renewed ID card he tripped and fell on me while I was nude." Her cheeks burned with intoxicating warmth. So many new things to experience, to feel, she regretted the fact that she had only a little time to live and enjoy it.

A chorus of cheers erupted from the drunken teens. 'You dog,' 'Way to go man,' 'you pervert,' were the loudest. Asuka punched Shinji's arm lightly but out of fear and not anger. He hadn't told her that, she had no idea what transpired between the other pilots. Could she trust Rei didn't have feelings for him, _She could have lied to me._ Putting their straws back into the cup and spinning it around, they all reached in for the next of many rounds.

The law of averages held sway for the majority of commands. A lot of embarrassing secrets, a few humiliating stunts, Touji had hoped to get Rei to hug Shinji but ended up getting Hikari to hug Kensuke. Later Asuka had to kiss Touji on another off chance at getting Shinji and Rei into an embarrassing situation. One backfired command left Shinji bear chested and feeling more warm than cold. After two hours of the game, Asuka gave Hikari the signal to put in the marked straws, she was ready.

The plan was simple, the command was to head to one of the bedrooms for the rest of the night. They marked the straws and memorized the numbers on them, Hikari would draw the crown and order five and two to a room. She'd have him to talk to and confess to. If things went well she'd kiss him and they'd go to sleep, if not well then she'd at least know. It's sad now plans often don't work.

"Ok guys, I'm getting tired so how about one last game then turn in for the night?" Asuka said as she took the cup the straws were held in and switched them with the marked ones while the others were easily distracted by Hikari falling over due to drunkenness. "Alright?"

Blushing heavily Hikari straightened herself back up and waved off Touji's concerns. They all agreed that it was getting late and the booze had really taken a lot of the strength from them. All drawing the straws, Asuka hadn't anticipated Hikari forgetting. "Ok I'm the king…for the last order of the night…" Hikari's eyes strained to make out Asuka and Shinji's straws. "Number…three and four…are to sleep in the same room tonight!"

Shinji's eyes widened as he had number three, "I'm three." He looked around the room hoping that Touji or Kensuke had four. It'd be a little embarrassing but better than being trapped in the room with Asuka. _So that was the plan!_ It hit him then, the ploy he walked into. Looking over at Asuka he saw not a hidden triumph but anger.

Taking his hand in hers, Rei stood. "I am four, and as this is the last command for the night." She didn't want to admit it but for a second she was ready to flee the apartment when she heard the command. There was no way she could have slept in a room with one of the others. _I trust Shinji so there is nothing to worry about._

"I object!" Asuka yelled as she threw her stick down and spared Hikari a moment to hate her for ruining the plan.

"No no no! You said it yourself Red, you have to object before the people are known. You had your chance and failed! Go on Shin-man got get some 'sleep'." Touji punched the air to insinuate that he hoped that sleep would be the last thing they did.

Kensuke clapped loudly, "Yeah you said the rules yourself, and anyway I don't object, Touji doesn't, looks like Ayanami is game for it, and since Hikari suggested it the majority is for it! Go give it to her Shin-man!"

"What are you going to give me Shinji?" Rei asked as she tilted her head. An idea popped into her head as an idea blossomed there, and her face reddened. Just like Asuka did.

Before Shinji could try to calm things, Asuka's anger got the better of her. "I don't care! They can't! He can't…I was supposed to be the one going in there with him!" Getting to her feet Asuka kicked the empty cup at the wall. "He was supposed to take me in there so I could tell him I love him damn it!"

The words echoed in the small room as nobody moved or said anything. Asuka's trembling hands snacked up to cover her lips. _I didn't just…did I?_ It was supposed to be a secret until she knew his answer! She looked at Shinji and saw what she prayed she would have in private, understanding and acceptance. "I…do…Shinji."

The party was over they didn't know it, but it had ended right then. Rei continued leading Shinji to the room and ushered him in it and turned to look back at Asuka, "You don't have to fear me Soryu, I see him not as a lover but a friend." Shutting the door behind her, Rei tended to the stunned Shinji while Hikari pulled the prone body of Asuka to her own room leaving Touji and Kensuke to pass out on the floor which they did minutes later.

The party was over, the clean up would have to wait. The trap was sprung and the target had been hit, just not how it was planned, or expected. Hikari knew that Asuka was more frail than she let on, and the confession had gone so poorly that Asuka needed not Shinji to comfort her but a friend. As they got into her bed, Hikari stroked Asuka's hair to calm her down and in hushed tones reassured her, "he knows now Asuka, he knows and you just have to wait."

It didn't help much, but any comfort was welcome to the young German as she hugged Hikari close and prayed for the morning and an answer.

X-X

Author notes

Before you say it, I didn't have Misato do that at random. She's had how many years of relations with Kaji? She loved him for how long too? We all have moments of weakness, and if a person knows how to get us happy/sad/excited its not hard for me to see such a tool as a powerful weapon.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter and continue to support this story.

Ja Mata

Zentrodie


	12. A Moment of Courage

Standard Disclaimer

Yup another chapter of this and not "What We Make of It" though I am working on that story so if you do like it don't worry. Got some odd remarks about Misato's last actions, well sadly I think it was a true human action, but we if you were offended or angered, sorry.

X-X

Divergence

Chapter -12

A Moment of Courage

"How could you do that to me, I trusted you and you cheat on me?" she yelled loudly as Shinji rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He wasn't even sure who was yelling or why, all he could remember is heading off to his bedroom with Rei as per the order. She had taken his bed and he fell asleep on the floor. "So what do you have to say for yourself huh? Say something you bastard!"

Forcing his body up to a seated position Shinji started to put two and two together as his heart started beating faster. Misato must have thought he had slept with Rei, but she wasn't even close to him. Rubbing his eyes more to focus Shinji saw the woman in the doorway. His jaw dropped and his voice caught in his throat, "Mizuho!"

"Were you expecting somebody else Kei, somebody other than your wife! So is this that Misato you were 'dreaming about'?" Mizuho shot her finger out at the body lying next to Shinji's.

Automatically but with great resistance, Shinji's head slowly twisted to follow Mizuho's finger. Mizuho…Misato it's not possible for both to be here, where was here anyway? His eyes suddenly didn't recognize the room he was in but the shade of purple hair and the shape of the body under the white sheet were clear enough. "But…You…her…I…" Shinji's head started to swim as he tried to as he stammered out aborted statements. Turning back to Mizuho the hurt on her face evident and marked with tears outlining her sharply narrowed eyes.

"I thought I could trust you," Mizuho said again but her voice sounded dim, further away than she really was. Getting to his feet, Shinji stood and took steps towards Mizuho only to have Misato take a hold of his ankle as she'd waken and was looking between him and Mizuho with a confused look, a betrayed look. "So she didn't know that you were married Kei?"

"Who is this woman Shinji, and why is she calling you Kei?" Misato asked in a groggy voice. Shinji just stood dumbly, unsure of who to answer first, or who was right. Both women he cared for, one he was sure didn't exist, were looking at him calling him different names. He wanted to rush to both and convince them that he loved her and not the other woman. _I Love Misato! I Love Mizuho! No! No!_ Both voices in his head raged at the other trying to force an action and all that happened was nothing. Then the sudden smell of sausage filled his senses, and he woke up.

Jumping up sharply, his body covered with sweat, Shinji panted heavily and clutched his chest tightly. _What the hell was that dream! _The idea of Mizuho existing along side of Misato was so impossible that it filled him with such dread. He couldn't love both women, he could only love one as the other had to be a dream. And now it seemed like Mizuho was just a figment of his affection starved brain. "But now I have Misato and I don't need to dream." But the pain in his heart came back at that thought, the part of him that wanted Misato to be the dream making its presence known.

A low mumble and the rustling of cloth brought Shinji's attention back to reality as Rei moved in her sleep. A small smile marked Shinji's face as he watched the girl settle into a better position on his bed. _She really is cute when she sleeps._ Shaking such thoughts out of his head, he couldn't tell why but somehow he knew it was wrong to see her that way, Shinji got to his feet to set out to which of the fellow partier's was cooking. His only hope was it wasn't Asuka, he wasn't ready for that confrontation yet.

Walking closer to the kitchen, his nose differentiating the sausage and what smelled like eggs, Shinji noticed the living room was cleaned already. His momentum stopped right before the kitchen door, if it was Asuka he'd have to think of how to respond to her, if it wasn't he'd be free to plan a little longer. Asuka wasn't going to be as easy to confess to as Herikawa was. _With Herikawa she lived a few miles away from us, but Asuka lives in the room next to Misato!_ Unknown to Shinji, the pain that usually came with such thoughts was absent.

"Shin-man you going to hide in the door all morning or you going to come in and get some of Hikari's breakfast," Touji's voice called out with a small amount of humor in it. Leaning with his back to the counter, Touji switched between watching Shinji tentatively walk into the room and Hikari's skillful cooking. "Thought it was the demon?"

With a quick flick of her wrist, Hikari smacked the back of Touji's head with her borrowed spatula. "Touji be nice, Asuka had a bad night yesterday." Muttering a few gripes under her breath Hikari re-focused her attention on finishing her creations. "Kensuke already left Shinji-kun if you were wondering. After the mess at the end of the party we figured you'd appreciate it if we actually cleaned up for you. And well…I wanted to thank you so I cooked for you."

Pulling out a chair, Shinji sat himself at the table. "I…thanks Hikari, Touji." He was overwhelmed at that moment by the kindness his friends had shown him. They were caring about him, not just as a pilot but as a person. How had he never seen it before, the friendships he had and overlooked while he wrapped himself in depression? _I never knew how good I actually have things. _

"You ok Shin-man, you look a little off," Touji said as he could have sworn he saw Shinji's eyes water. Grabbing a few plates, Touji let Hikari fill three of them with eggs and sausage. "Guess we should thank the D…" Touji caught the glare from his girlfriend, "Asuka for the sausage today. I hardly get to eat this stuff myself." Meat being the high price it was in Japan it wasn't uncommon. Dropping a plate in front of his friend and taking his own place, Touji didn't wait long to dig in.

Picking up the knife and fork with a clumsiness that came with only occasionally using them, Shinji began to cut into his breakfast. Looking at the confusion and hesitation on Hikari's face, Shinji hoped that whatever thought she had in her mind stayed silent. Seeing her mouth open however killed that. "Shinji-kun, about what Asuka said last night…" Hikari drawled off in contemplation. Weighing the pro's and con's of stepping in for Asuka in this matter. "She meant it. She actually planned the whole party with the goal of confessing to you in private. It all got botched when I drank too much and screwed things up."

Touji's utensils dropped from his hands as Hikari's words sank in. They'd all been played from the start by Asuka to get at Shinji. Worse was he had been used by his girlfriend to set up his friend. "Hikari you lied to me about this? This whole time you were just going along with that abusive bitch to hook her up with Shinji?" He pushed his plate of food away suddenly disgusted with the taste.

Raising up his hands quickly, Shinji acted to stop a potential fight over Asuka's insecurities. "Now Touji it doesn't have to be like that. Hikari, did you really want to thank us for what we did with the angel?" Hikari, locked in place by the raw anger radiating from Touji could only nod. In soothing tones directed at his friend, "See Touji it wasn't all a lie. And Asuka is Hikari's friend…you can't say you didn't try setting a friend up with somebody can you, or do you want me to repeat some of the orders you gave last night?"

The anger Touji felt dissipated like smoke on water, he had tried damn hard to get Shinji and Rei together that last night, and technically Hikari hadn't lied. A scowl still on his face, Touji pulled his breakfast back to him, "Still doesn't mean I have to like being used like that, and for Asuka of all people." Shinji laughed lightly at Touji's sudden shift in opinion.

The trio fell into a more jovial mood as they started recalling incidents during the party they thought were humorous. All of them avoided the subject of the other two apparently sleeping pilots. As the food left their plates, Shinji gathered them and headed to the sink. "I'll get this you two did enough for me already."

With a nod, Touji stood up and looked at his watch, "Thanks man, and its getting late in the day so I better head home and change, I want to check on Mari today see how she's doing. Oh and Shin-man she's still asking for you to come and visit her." Patting Shinji on the back, Touji headed towards the door of the kitchen, "And for what it's worth, who ever you choose man better make you happy or I'll never let you live it down."

Hikari followed Touji's body as he walked out of the room and mouthed a 'thank you' to him as he left her alone with Shinji. How Touji had known Hikari wanted a few more words with Shinji alone was just more of a testament to her trust in him. "Shinji, Asuka does love you." She spoke softly hoping Asuka wasn't hiding and listening. "And she's weaker than she lets on. So if you have feelings for her let her know soon, if not…let her down easy?"

Turning the faucet on to let the sink fill, Shinji thought of how to respond to Hikari's care laden words. "Hikari, I'm in love with somebody else right now. I love Asuka too, but just not as much as I do 'her.'" The devastated look on Hikari's face nearly tore Shinji's resolve. She cared so much for her friend that it was as if he had just rejected her and not Asuka. _Maybe she's more like Ichigo._ "I won't hurt Asuka on purpose, I know it will to a degree but if we can stay friends I'll consider myself blessed."

Acting before Shinji knew what had happened, Hikari kissed his cheek quickly and so lightly it was hard for him to recall the feeling. "You've changed Shinji-kun, for the better. You be good to whoever it is you love and I'm sure you'll be happy. Just be there for Asuka too as she'll need you even if she says she doesn't." A rosy blush adorning her cheeks, Hikari ran from the kitchen and the apartment leaving the place quiet. Shinji didn't care he needed the time to think.

X-X

The entire car ride back to the apartment, Misato dwelled on the repercussions of her action. The tears long since dried up, she sat devoid of feeling. Given what she always wanted she tore it up, destroyed the happiness she longed for. And for what, a few moments of passion in the arms of a man she thought she cared for long ago when she was young and naive. Her options were limited due to the space in which she lived with Shinji.

One was to lie to him, sweep the transgression under the covers and pray he never found out. Two was to bite the bullet and confess and hope he'd forgive her. And the last option she could think of was to do nothing but wait and see what happened. _I'm not going back to Kaji though, that was a mistake, a horrible mistake. _Her fingers wrapped around the hard plastic of the steering wheel as she parked, regret and anxiety battling inside her for which action she'd take. _What do I do…what can I do really?_

Sniffing the air in the car, Misato caught a small lingering hint of her rancid act. It made her sick to her stomach and finally forced her out of the car and the long walk to her, their, apartment. _Damn Nerv showers for not having anything good to clean with, I still reek of him. _Spotting two of the pilots friends walking out of the elevator as she entered it she noticed the nervous fidgeting already. "Had a party while I was gone did you?" her smile was genuine.

The girl with the pig-tails looked at her feet bashfully, cute in a way, before she spoke. "We wanted to thank them for putting themselves in danger for us. We cleaned it all up and everything so don't be mad at them ok?" The girl was almost pleading at that point.

Casting a lingering look at the side of the building where she could see her veranda, Misato nodded. "They do deserve thanks for all they do for us don't they." Clapping her hands, Misato tore her eyes away, "Don't worry about it, I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes. Now I've had a long day and I bet you all had a long night so take care." She hurriedly pushed her way into the open door and waved at the teenagers as the door shut. _Yeah the deserve happiness and blessings for all they're forced to do…and my payment is…_ She couldn't finish the thought and slammed her hand against the cold metal of the elevator.

"Tell him…tell him…tell him! This can only get worse if you keep it a secret," she said quietly to herself as the droning sound of the machine lifted her to her floor. With a ding and hiss the door opened and the long bleak corridor that looked longer than it ever really did was seen beyond. "Let's get this over with," Misato willed her courage to not falter.

With each step her legs tightened and her gut pressed harder, the urge to pee was horrendous now as her nerves got the best of her. Sliding her key through the reader, she opened the door, "Hey guys I'm home." No reply was heard but muffled voices were coming from the kitchen. A sick but pleasing sense of dread washed over her, maybe he was cheating on her after all. Picturing Shinji and Asuka using the kitchen as a make-shift bedroom almost made her laugh. "Guys?" she asked again as she rounded the corner.

"Katsuragi-san good morning," Rei said as she picked at the steamed vegetables on her plate. Leaning against the door frame, Misato's eyebrow arched questioningly at Shinji. Here sat Ayanami Rei in what appeared to be one of Shinji's button up t-shirts, and either it was very cold in her apartment or Rei was sans bra. "Is something wrong?" the teenager asked as she felt Misato's looking her up and down.

A jealous twinge that she knew she shouldn't be feeling burnt in her. "Shinji-kun is there a reason one of your party goers is wearing your cloths?" she asked not attempting to mask her accusation. A part of her laughed at the audacity she was showing in her actions. _It can't be what I think it is and even if it is who am I to say anything! _But her fatigued body wasn't listening to common sense.

Setting his cup of tea back on the table, the whippets of steam still billowing out of it like a smokestack, Shinji chuckled lightly. "So you know we had a party already, guess that makes it easier for us to not have to come up with a cover story." Getting out of his chair nimbly, he headed to the stove to fill a plate for the new addition. "As for Rei's cloths, well…"

"I tripped on a bottle that was missed during cleaning and knocked a cup of alcohol on my clothing. Shinji deemed it inappropriate to wear them given my susceptibility to the substance." Rei hung her head low in apparent shame. She hadn't expected to have such a reaction to the alcohol she drank or how it heightened her normal fears.

Taking her normal seat, Misato grabbed the offered plate of food roughly from Shinji's hands. Her emotions already fried, she didn't register the hurt look on Shinji's face. "How nice of him to do that for you." Seeing her own failure in the situation, Misato didn't believe a word of it. "Was this before or after he took you into his room?"

"After, it occurred this morning that I soiled my clothing," Rei answered frankly not catching the double meaning of Misato's statement. Eating another piece of broccoli, Rei added, "This is a welcome change to my normal meal, thank you Shinji."

Seeing Rei's comment as an admission of infidelity, Misato completely lost herself in the moment. No longer was she worried at how he'd take the news of her actions, she had a viable emotional outlet for all her problems now, and she was going to use it. "So that's how this is, is it? Are you and Miss Ayanami so friendly now that you sleep together Shinji?"

"It's not like that Misato and you know it," Shinji replied. The sudden change in tempo had his body shaking slightly. Misato was angry at him at what Rei said, misconstrued it as something it wasn't, but why was she so quick to jump on him for it. "It was a game we played last night, kinda like truth or dare and the last dare was for us to sleep in the same room…Misato you know me better than that."

Offering her thanks for the meal, Rei set her chopsticks back on the bowl her meal had been in. "It is as he says Katsuragi-san. I know of your relationship with one another and would do nothing to deprive Shinji of his happiness. The events that lead up to our sharing a room was set up by an unsuccessful attempt by Soryu to confess her feelings in private." Pushing her chair away from the table, Rei stood, "Now I have matters to attend to so I will take my leave, I'll return your clothing as soon as the option arrives. Shinji, Katsuragi-san," Rei bowed lightly and walked off leaving the pair in silence.

Cradling her forehead with her hands, Misato hid her face, choosing to look at the meal she'd been given. _What's wrong with me! Jumping on him like that when he did nothing wrong._ Breathing in deeply, the smell of meat overwhelming her senses, Misato found she had more tears to shed. "I'm sorry Shinji…I…I over reacted."

Something was seriously wrong here and Shinji felt it steal the warmth of his body. Hurrying over to her side and putting a hand softly on her shoulder. "What's wrong Misato, what are you sorry about. If it's about the confusion about Rei I'm the one that should be sorry."

Lashing out with her hand, Misato pushed Shinji away from her. "What's wrong is me! That's what's wrong. God there's something messed up with me if the first thing I think of when I see you and a girl in a room is that you slept with her!" Was it jealousy, nerves, or did she hope for it so she wouldn't have been the only one to be bad. To not be the one that was ruining things. But looking at him, seeing how his body was fighting back the urge to rush back to her and comfort her again Misato knew he wouldn't betray her as she did him.

Rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, Shinji wanted nothing but to go to her now and try and ease whatever trouble she was feeling. "You just had a long night Misato, you're tired." He didn't know how that was an excuse for her behavior but it sounded good. "Get some sleep and we can talk about it later. You'll feel better and be thinking clearly" But the look on her face didn't convey that notion to him, no Shinji could tell that Misato was clear headed and more awake now than she was oft to be.

_You're running away from this and you know it!_ She thought as she felt her head nodding and her body getting back to its feet. "I guess I'll eat after I take a nap. Thanks for…thanks for understanding." Wrapping an arm around his shoulder, Misato wanted to feel him, wanted to let that feeling of care from him wash away her sin. The short trip to her room was made in silence and before she shut the door she kissed his lips softly and fell onto her futon cursing herself as the coward she felt she was.

X-X

She wasn't sure when Hikari left the room, left her to her self imposed isolation. Asuka frankly didn't care right now. Her carefully constructed plan, her hopes for the evening and for a change in her life, one for the better, was ruined thanks to one drink to many on the part of her friend. "Stupid Hikari," she muttered as she turned on her side, her yellow nightgown rolling over the edge of her western style bed.

Her stomach rumbled in anger at not being appeased, but Asuka had no intention of leaving the room yet. _Bet they're all out their waiting for me to come out and laugh at me._ She envisioned the two stooges had jokes all lined up for her to walk into the moment she popped her head out of the door.

"Hi Guys I'm home!" Asuka's eyes opened partially and her ears perked as Misato's greeting filled the apartment. _Great somebody else to tease me that I failed._ Why did she consider it a failure that she confessed as she did? Easy, it wasn't as she planned. It wasn't grand and spectacular like they all expected of her. Pulling her legs up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them. "Why couldn't it just have been like I wanted? Something soft and beautiful, not a drunken yell and screaming."

Cursing her pride had slowly become a reoccurring thing for the young woman. It lead her life, forced her hand in so many things, but she couldn't stop herself. "But you don't have that do you Shinji?" It was part of him that she envied, that she loved. _You do what you want without worrying about how they see you, how I see you._ It would be a breath of fresh air to live without the lie. Her eyes started to moisten.

_I have to be the best._

_I have to be the strongest._

_I can't rely on others._

Her golden three rules for her life mocked her as she knew she failed all of them. She wasn't the best, Shinji was. She wasn't the strongest by far. And she didn't want to be alone anymore, wanted something greater than herself and she could see it coming from being with somebody, and right now it was Shinji. More muffled voices came from outside her door and the sound of Misato's door closing was heard. "What did she do to get such care from him anyway…drunken slob."

But again Misato's freeness, her ability to do what she wanted when she wanted was all Asuka wanted. "I keep telling everybody that I don't want pity that I want to be alone, that I'm better…hah." She rolled over on her other side, fingers absently stroking through her hair. _But I want to be held, coddled, and loved. Why can't I just let go of this…damnable pride of mine?_ But like the alcoholic has the bottle, Asuka used her pride to get her though the hardships of her life. Letting it build her up to the point where she didn't feel pain, but now that shield was cracked.

Falling into a light sleep, Asuka slept while another visitor came to the apartment. Slept while two talked, and was only awoken when Misato's shrill yell pierced the air. Falling out of her bed, tangled in sheets, Asuka clearly heard Misato's voice pass the thin door. "Oh God Shinji!"

X-X

Two hours after Asuka had unknowingly fallen back to sleep, Shinji heard the knock on the door from his place on the couch. His mind repeating Misato's odd behavior looking for an explanation to it. Not wasting the time to check the peephole, Shinji opened the door expecting one of his friends. "Forget something?" he asked the visitor.

"More like I was forgotten my dear Shinji-kun," Kaji said with a smile and a small wave. Despite the calm and content appearance he displayed, Kaji was far from happy. He'd left the shower to find Misato gone already, and all his searching turned up nothing. She'd left him after they were finally back together? _She can't just leave me like that after we…we're together again right?_

Stepping aside to let the older man in, Shinji felt great things happening around him that he didn't understand, and he didn't like that feeling. "Come in Kaji-san, are you here to see Misato?" As Kaji passed him, Shinji caught a small whiff of about the man that chilled his blood, "Is something wrong at Nerv?" he asked hoping it was.

"Not really, I've just have to talk to Misato about a few things," Kaji said. The spy didn't know how much he should let the pilot know about the events of the previous night. _He's only fourteen, but with his line of work I bet he'd understand. _Walking towards Misato's room, he came to a stop. "Shinji, was she acting weird when she came home?"

Shadowing the man, Shinji nodded. "She was acting a little stranger than usual. She snapped at Rei and me when she saw Rei in one of my shirts." Thinking back on it caused a slight blush to cross his cheeks. "It wasn't what she thought but she was so…livid about it."

Ruffling Shinji's hair, Kaji smiled genuinely at the boy. "Becoming the ladies man are you Shinji-kun. You take care of that girl and you won't have my problem with Misato. I'm going to be frank with you Shinji because things might be changing here." Kaji turned to face the shoji screen of Misato's door, missing the sudden paling of Shinji's skin. "Last night I think Misato and I got back together, but with how she is she ran here before we spoke about it. I was bad to her when we used to date in college. I thought she liked the life we were living but I was wrong. Love makes you change yourself for your partner. Its time I started to change for her. I'm telling you this because if she's willing I'm going to ask her to marry me. I'm tired of the game we play."

He was hearing the words but they sounded grainy, an old phonograph record being played with a bad needle. Had Misato been with Kaji and that was why she was so edgy? _She was seeing what she did played out with Rei and me._ No it couldn't be! She wouldn't do that to him, she said she loved him! "Kaji-san…about you and Misato-san…did something happen yesterday?" Shinji's dry voice managed to squeak out his vision already starting to blacken, a dark cave enveloping him.

Another chuckle left Kaji's lips, "I'll tell you about it when you're older Shinji-kun. But suffice to say, yes something happened. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm here to do this before I lose my nerve…I'm scared as hell right now." Kaji headed towards Misato's door, his body pins and needles of apprehension. He didn't even hear Shinji's body hit the ground, thought it was his heart pounding.

Pushing the door open the man stealthily snuck over to Misato's side. _She still sleeps sprawled all over the place._ He thought about letting her sleep longer, but the longer he waited the more his resolve wavered. "Misato…Misato wake up."

"Gwa Shinji…sleeping," Misato grumbled and buried her face into her pillow. A small shake on her shoulder kept her from falling back into her blissful slumber. "Said go away Shinji I'm tired." He usually took the hint the first time, so why change that now?

"I'm not Shinji Misato," Kaji said as he kneeled down by her. Had he been able to see her face buried in the pillow he'd have seen pure fear emblazoned in her eyes. Her chest was lead and her limbs limp. "We have to talk Misato, about us."

Forcing her arms to lift her aching body, Misato's haggard expression was enough to set Kaji back a few paces. "There is no _us_ Kaji, not anymore," she barked in a harsh whisper. She couldn't have Shinji hearing of her infidelity like this! She had to break it to him easily, gently, and do the least damage possible. _I can still salvage us…I know I can if I tread carefully. _

Repositioning himself closer to her after his initial shock, Kaji wasn't yet to be deterred. "How can you say that after last night Misato? Look me in the eyes and say that other guy is better for you than me…I mean I didn't force you last night and still we…" he cut himself off as he saw Misato's eyes harden, her lips draw so thin her mouth looked like a thin black line.

"Get out of my house, get out now! It was a mistake a stupid mistake! I loved you before Kaji and that's changed now. He is better for me than you are, and look at how I show that to him by letting you get one last one off, but no more!" Misato didn't care that she was now shouting, she made her mistake and now she was going to correct it.

She got to her feet and started prodding Kaji out of her room, "If I'm lucky he'll forgive me for what I did with you. I don't deserve the chance but I'm going to beg and plead for it!" Kaji was saying nothing now, he'd never seen such fury, such passion in Misato before, and it meant one thing. He'd lost her. "Now I don't know why you came, but I'm sorry Kaji me and you are through. So just go now. Please."

Standing with his back to the shut door, Kaji's head was low but the subtle bob was enough for Misato to know he heard her. "Ok…I understand Misato. But if he doesn't take you back…if I ruined things for you because of my feelings well if that is the case I say I'm sorry and I'll be here for you if you want that." But if she loved this man of hers, he doubted she'd forgive him enough to even look at him. "I was going to ask you to marry me Misato, but I guess you're changing. I just told Shinji that people change for those they love and it looks like you are."

Kaji was unprepared for Misato's sudden rush towards him, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to the wall. "What did you tell Shinji? What did you say to him?" Kaji, for all the times he'd faced death was more afraid of Misato than anything he could remember. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out, and felt Misato shoving him out of her way. "Shinji are you out here…Shinji?" Kaji heard a frantic energy in that voice and he started to piece things together.

Running from room to room of the apartment, Misato could find no sign of her other, he wasn't answering her calls either. _Oh please don't tell me he's run off or something, it wasn't supposed to happen this way! Damn you Kaji!_ Walking back into the living room her heart in her throat, her vision blurry as she was breathing to shallow, she saw him. First his shoes sticking out from in front of the couch, but why wasn't he answering?

"Shinji?" she didn't care if Kaji saw her now, to hell what he thought of her seeing Shinji. "You say something young man," she prodded him with her foot, no response. "Shinji, wake up," she knelt down and shook him…then harder…then harder…harder. "Wake up Shinji! WAKE UP!" But regardless of how hard she shook, how loud she yelled, or how much tears she spilled on his shirt he remained asleep, unchanging, seemingly dead. "Oh God Shinji!" she finally cried as she pulled his comatose body to hers and held him.

X-X

Author notes

Little darker and the chapter didn't take much time to cover. Hope you don't think it was needless melodrama, I'm trying not to add any 'unnecessary' drama but for those who have been cheated on can relate to Shinji, to those who make mistakes in the heat of passion can understand Misato. Well enough trying to explain myself…I truthfully believe the story stands on its own, hope you agree.

Oh and any ideas/suggestions/concerns feel free to email me…don't get much anymore

Ja Mata

Zentrodie(zentrodie-at-secondimpact-dot-com)


	13. Confusion and Compassion

Standard Disclaimer

Yeah I've been slacking on my stories as of late, sorry about that, but my novel is coming along nicely. I know a lot of you are thinking 'you write fanfiction, don't get presumptuous' but the idea I have is something I've been working on for a long time and I really want to try writing it. I'll not abandon any of my other stories though so don't worry.

That said lets get to said story.

X-X

Divergence

Chapter -13 – Confusion and Compassion

His eyes opened to the darkness of his room, a cold hole already settling into his heart as he drew breath. _She cheated on me_. It felt so horridly wrong to think Misato capable of it, but he couldn't deny what he heard, what he smelt, Misato's perfume on Kaji's clothing, and what he knew. Lying on his back looking at the oddly off ceiling he didn't want to move, to live, knowing what he did. "What did I do wrong?" he mumbled.

How long he stayed blankly looking up he had no clue, but eventually his willpower crumbled as he envisioned not one but numerous times of Misato leaving to share somebody else's bed. Clenching his eyes shut as hard as he could he try to keep the tears from flowing. He failed miserably as he mouth opened in a silent scream of pain that lasted a full ten seconds before it became audible. Huge wracking sobs left his body as the betrayal sank in, his trust in Misato was ill formed and now he suffered for it.

Woken from her light slumber next to her husband, moved from the Edjima's after Kei's second day of withdrawal, Mizuho was stupefied. Lethargic from being awoken during the middle of the night, she didn't know what was going on. Kei had woken but was having some sort of episode? "Kei…Kei calm down, its ok. You're ok" Moving quickly, she got to her feet and turned the light on and the sight chilled her heart. Her husband's body was already drenched with tears and sweat it was drawn into the fetal position. "Kei?"

His body shifted to his side as he wrapped his arms around his legs, slowly bobbing his head against his knees. _I tried to be what she wanted, I thought she loved me…I…I love her so much it hurts…so why?_ So absorbed in his mind, Shinji didn't notice his wife's soothing tones or even her, no he was too deep inside his pain. "Why…why…why?" he mumbled again and again.

Standing at his side, Mizuho was torn at what to do. For three days Kei had withdrawn, in result to their fight she assumed, but now that he was awake he was so…distraught? She didn't like seeing him this way though, hurt her almost as much as he hurt to see him so troubled. "Kei," she said louder hoping to get his attention. Kneeling down next to him, Mizuho placed a hand on his shoulder hoping to get some response. She did, but it wasn't what she wanted.

In Shinji's blind flurry of sadness and anger, he lashed out widely and caught Mizuho's cheek with the back of his hand. A weak blow, but the emotional context was a harsher reality. Pulling further away from whom he thought was Misato trying to justify things, Shinji rolled to the wall and huddled in the corner. "Stay away from me…go away Misato…go away."

The gears fell into place in Mizuho's brain, and the dreadfully powerful thing that was her mind made connections. The disgustingly elaborate painting of what had befallen her husband was almost complete in her mind. "Shinji, I'm not her, I'm not Misato, I'm your wife Mizuho," she said calmly as she inched closer to his cowering body. "It was a dream, just a bad dream," but even as she said it, Mizuho doubted it was now, it was something very different.

Lowering the hand covering his eyes, Shinji stared at Mizuho strangely, as if he were trying to see through her. _MIZUHO!_ He was so elated to see her! His love, his wife, and his reality! If Mizuho were here it meant Misato and the whole other mess was fake, a lie, and he very much wanted it to be. "Mizu-ho?" he croaked out on sore vocal cords. His wife nodded her head briefly then was knocked back onto the futon. Kei's body flying away from the wall to envelope her in a strong hug. Rubbing his face against the smooth and toned stomach, Kei cried tears of joy, "Mizuho…I…I…" but he couldn't think of anything else to say.

Stroking his hair, Mizuho felt so overwhelmed at the whole happening. "It's going to be ok Kei, everything is going to be fine now," she wrapped her own arms around her husband. The fear of losing him to 'withdraw' gone, she let a few of her own tears of relief flow as they held each other, and in that moment of closeness she honestly believed everything was going to be perfect from there on.

X-X

Looking at his wife across the table, a lovely purple bruise below her eye, Shinji felt horrid. "Does…does it hurt?" he feebly asked as she stirred her coffee. They had woken up still holding one another, the tears dried and a feeling of elation at seeing Mizuho had taken the place of the sadness. "It was an accident.'

Attempting to break the heavy air Mizuho joked, "I should press charges against you for spousal abuse, but then again we'd have to make our relationship official for that." Her smile let Shinji know she harbored no ill will. "Its nothing Kei, just a little tap, and a price I'd willingly pay to bring you back when you withdraw."

Nodding more for her than for any real sense of relief, Shinji just looked at the inch of damaged flesh. "So I was…gone, for three days this time?" Falling asleep at the Edjima's house after the small tiff had resulted in over a month with Misato, time was starting to lose its meaning. "How did the guys at school take it, they didn't come over did they?"

"On the first day they all showed up next door, Konoha said you went into the city for a check up. Herikawa-kun came over again in the second day," Mizuho ended by bringing her cup up to her lips and sipping daintily. The old flare of jealousy and mistrust burnt brightly for a moment, Mizuho had to rush to extinguish it. _Talk to him about it! Don't just assume things!_

Chuckling softly, Shinji set his chopsticks down, his plate half empty. "It's going to crush her when she finally talks to me about it." Looking up in Mizuho's eyes he wasn't sure if he saw happiness or shame. "Mizuho about the other day with Ichigo, I'm sorry for over reacting." It felt so odd to him, the ease to which he slipped back into the life of Kusinagi Kei, it helped to shove the bitter memories of Misato away.

The want to be past the issue warred with her desire to know what exactly happened between her husband and the quiet child. "What…did happen with her Kei?" she asked not wanting to, a forced question through clenched teeth. Seeing his shoulders slump over was proof enough that he was still a little angry at her not trusting him, but she couldn't help herself.

Mizuho was correct, Shinji was angered a little at the lack of trust, the need for him to confess ever happenstance that occurred between him and other women. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he pushed back from the table a little ways. "Its like I said before. She called me over to tell me Herikawa has feelings for me. She thinks Herikawa loves me, I believe it to be a crush. I told her that I loved somebody else, she withdrew," Shinji stopped as she saw Mizuho gasp and cover her mouth with her hands.

She felt ashamed of herself for forcing her husband to talk now. She knew that this issue with him 'withdrawing' was something that nobody could relate to, should have to. But in the small girl Ichigo he found one, and like him, Mizuho believed, Ichigo likely wanted as few people to know as possible. "I'm…I didn't know Shinji."

Shrugging Shinji continued, "She woke a few hours later, I was too shocked to call you and to worried to leave her. Jumping back to the issue she demanded I leave the woman I love to be with Herikawa, I declined. She then said she hoped that you and I were happy together," chuckling again Shinji was reminded of Rei acting the same way. "And she said she wouldn't expose us."

The warm ceramic cup in her hands felt cold and alien as the story played itself out in her mind. Ichigo telling Herikawa that the boy she loved wouldn't love her back, the grief overwhelming her to the point she cried and ran away from the school where she bumped off the man's real love. "Go see them Kei, go see your friends. I have a few things to take care of today," she extended her hand out to him, praying he'd fill it with his own.

Seeing the olive branch that was his wife's long fingers and soft palm, Shinji took it and squeezed softly. _She loves me, she'll never betray me like she did! SHE DOESN'T EVEN EXIST!_ His eyes betrayed his confusion as he slowly unfurled his fingers from the grip they were in. "I'll likely not be home till late, they'll not stop hounding me to 'play' until they're all tired," his head tilted in a half grin.

"I trust you Shinji, now go have fun but don't forget you DO have school tomorrow," she chided him and watched him leave the room. Sitting back down in her chair, she looked over the report of his alpha waves again. "He didn't even notice I was calling him both Shinji and Kei did he," she mused to herself. While she wasn't fully prepared to present her findings to her husband the idea was forming. She'd test him a little more, make herself sure of it before scaring him and herself. But it was making a terrifying sense to her now.

His new knowledge, new skills, new names, and changes in personality and writing skills pointed to some change. Something was happening to him when he withdrew, and it wasn't going to end well she thought. A cold chill worked its way down her back and her stomach clenched tightly. The fight was over between them as something much more important was coming to play. "I'll talk to Konoha," her voice echoed in the empty flat as she got to her feet and headed for the door.

X-X

The sun was burning brightly in the late summer sky, but the cool breeze negated much of its power. Shinji felt little of his surroundings as he was too deep in thought to even see the rice fields around him. Misato was predominantly on his mind, was she even real was she just a dream. For all he knew the whole Misato cheating on him could have been his reaction to the fight he had with Mizuho.

But it didn't 'feel' like that was real. The touch of her lips, sway of her hips, her positive attitude, and her slovenly actions all seemed to real to dismiss as a dream. And the pain in his heart was no illusion, but as much as it hurt to think about Misato, Mizuho would appear in his mind as a vision. That childish and often confusing teacher/wife of his.

"Why can't things be simple? Why do I feel like I'm being torn in two directions!" he yelled aloud amidst the fields. When he held Mizuho's hand as he prepared to follow her advice, all he could think was how larger Mizuho's hands were than Misato's. Was he cheating on his wife with this dream woman? _I love Mizuho, Misato was just some dream version of her!_ But he just couldn't believe it! Try as he might to degrade Misato from live woman to illusionary fantasy he couldn't.

Hyosuke's house loomed in the horizon, the first stop on his friend roundup call, and he felt his pace slow. Shinji wanted more time to think about everything, and seeing a person that reminded him of another or vice-versa wouldn't help. _I can't interact with them and see them as dreams, they're too real to be fake…both Touji and Hyosuke. _

"What if…what if it really is…" Shinji muttered, an aborted thought he'd been having since memories of his life as Kei Kusinagi started to come back clearer and with more power. To be both people? Was such a thing possible, he doubted it, but what else was there? Insanity, split personality? He had such firm memories as Shinji Ikari and Kei Kusinagi, remembered faces, experiences, and countless other things, but the idea was so ludicrous that the couldn't believe it. _I'm me…that's all there is. _But he didn't know who he was.

With that thought in mind he rang the doorbell.

X-X

She didn't know if she should consider the two in-laws or not, but the Edjima's were always awkward to deal with. Konoha had become a confidant of sorts, and a great sounding board for her problems, Minoru however was at times a little to candid about his opinions regarding sex and attraction. Put the two of them together however it was so funny to Mizuho to watch how Konoha had Minoru under her heel. Case in point was at this very moment, Konoha had again pinched her husband's behind for an off comment. "Now dear, I don't think that is what Mizuho had in mind when coming over here," turning her slanted eyes back to the young woman Konoha continued, "now what do we owe the honor of your visit?"

Honestly Mizuho wanted to talk to Konoha and only Konoha but she wasn't going to ask Minoru to leave. "Well…Kei's woken up. Last night to be exact he woke up and I thought you'd like to know." She could feel their eyes on the bruise on her cheek. While it didn't hurt much, it caused her husband more pain than she suffered from it, she could tell it was obvious. "And I wanted to thank you for helping me bring him over to our apartment again."

Minoru and Konoha shared a relieved smiled, he chuckled a little, "Glad to hear that, Kei's withdraw came so sudden that we were worried. He just came over and went to sleep so we never heard why he didn't stay at your place, did you have a fight or somet…ow!" Minoru winced as his wife administered the necessary punishment for prying where he wasn't supposed to. "Sorry, it's not our place to ask."

Scratching her cheek in embarrassment, Mizuho reconsidered her plan to talk to Konoha. "It's ok, you have the right to know as you've watched over Kei for so long. Truth be told we did have a little fight but we…we worked it out and everything is fine." So why was she here wanting to talk to this woman?

"Dear could you leave us for a few minutes, girl talk?" Konoha took Minoru's hand in hers and patted his shoulder with the other. With a reluctant sigh the older man got up and walked out of the room grumbling about never being let in on the juicy gossip. Moving from the chair she was in to sit next to Mizuho on the couch, Konoha put a comforting hand on the teacher's knee. "So what really brings you over here, you could have phoned us about Kei's recovery."

"You always seem to know when I have something on my mind," Mizuho said in a subdued tone as she lowered her head.

Rubbing small circles on the troubled woman's leg, Konoha just shook her head, "I know because when somebody you care for is in trouble you can feel it. That bruise," she gently ran her fingers across Mizuho's injury, "Kei hit you didn't he? Has he been abusive to you dear?" it was so out of line for Kei to hit anybody but Konoha would not stand for domestic abuse even if it were her family.

Mizuho's reaction set Konoha at ease, despite the awkward words the teacher used. She yelped and waved her hands frantically, "he did but…but it was so strange his dream that he goes to when he withdraws. Something happened that put him in such a state, he was frantic trying to pull away from me and I…I guess I just didn't want to see him alone like that." She didn't want to see him hurt, sad, or anything negative that she could help.

A small nod and Konoha pulled her hand back, "I believe you dear, I do. So is that what you wanted to talk about, Kei's dream again?" This whole dream business was interesting to say the least, but it was starting to cause problems. "Or is it something else?" Konoha asked sensing reluctance in Mizuho. A giddy notion hit her, "Did you want to hear some tips on how best to 'make-up' with your husband?"

Showing her naiveté, Mizuho blushed scarlet at the implied notion. "T-Tips to…well I'd like to…he just…recovered…and…we haven't…not really yet so…" Mizuho gushed as she envisioned scenario after scenario of manners of 'making up' as Konoha put it. Her chest burned with the thought of it, she wanted it to come true now, show her love physically for the only man she'd cared for. "Could you?" she accidentally asked, had thought of but didn't want to voice.

"My my finally being honest with yourself, I'm proud of you dear," Konoha leaned back in against the couch. A small creak to the side diverted her attention and her head whipped to the side, "Dear go to the store and get some fish for supper, now." An audible 'eek' was heard then followed by the door slamming shut. "That man I swear is such a child at times."

Looking down at her entwined fingers in her lap, Mizuho hadn't even heard the exchange between husband and wife. "Does…does it hurt?" her mind had been occasionally drifting to what she knew of the marriage bed. "I feel so horrible asking you things like this you must think me so…"

Konoha's finger silenced Mizuho instantly, placed over her lips. "Never think that if it's about the one you care for dear. You and Kei didn't have the most normal courtship but I can see you both care for each other, and that is just an extension of that care. He feels the same I know it, he's just shyer than most you see. And yes it will likely hurt the first time, but we all must bear pain to know the joy of things as well." Seeing the trepidation oozing out of Mizuho like sweat, Konoha wondered if she was ever that pure in her dealings in life. "I think I know the best thing for you dear, come we have to go find some things."

Soon Mizuho was being dragged around the Edjima home for a multitude of items while Konoha gave her the detailed plan that she was to follow. Towards the end, Mizuho's head was dizzy with anticipation and fear, but in that fear was exhilaration. They'd be moving forward together from now in if things worked out for them.

X-X

All his friends sat in a circle on the grass across the street from the Herikawa grocery store. Kaede and Hyosuke had been watching a movie at his home when Shinji arrived, Montague was wandering the park in a daze, Ichigo and Herikawa were both found walking the small shopping arcade in silence. At seeing their friend Kei though, all of them dropped their plans to catch up and hear what befell the boy. Herikawa had a determined look on her face, and both Shinji and Ichigo knew that after the group broke up something was going to happen.

"So your uncle sent you to some fancy clinic for a check up, why?" Hyosuke asked as he drained a Ramune bottle. Kaede at his side, sipped demurely on her gift from Herikawa. "Not sick or anything are you?"

Leaning back on his hands, Shinji shook his head briefly. "No, just he saw something on one of his tests that he wanted to insure wasn't something bad. It was a mole he thought was getting bigger, but luckily it was nothing." The lie was thought up quite quickly by Minoru and held its water well.

Chucking his own empty bottle in a garbage can, Montague laughed. "You didn't miss much at school, Kamazaki-sensei was out of it for the last few days and gave us study hall to get ready for upcoming tests." Nobody but Shinji noticed the knowing look Ichigo passed.

"Enough about my being gone, tell me what I've missed?" Shinji asked happily. All to ready to talk, Hyosuke went into great detail about the date he and Kaede had to the movies the other day, Ichigo said she was making her plans to run for student council president, Montague said he was sure he found a UFO the other day, and Herikawa sat silently. She knew the answer to the question she was going to ask, but that didn't make her want to ask it, loathed the fact she had to ask.

Sure enough however after a long day of walking around the town, eating junk food, and just palling around the sun was setting and the group was ready to disband. Ichigo and Herikawa shared a few words away from the others, as Kaede let out a muffled yawn. "Looks like I have to take the little lady home before she falls asleep on Herikawa's front porch," Hyosuke joked as he helped Kaede to her feet.

"Yes I am really tired today for some reason, I'm glad to see you back Kei. See you at school tomorrow," Kaede said sweetly as she waved goodbye, then Hyosuke and her walked off hand in hand.

Patting his friend on the back, Montague smiled. "Was worried for a little bit but I know you're made of stronger stuff. I'm heading back to the park for one more look around; night is the best time to see a flying saucer after all. Take care," he said with a far off look in his eyes as he gazed at the night sky.

Ichigo just gave Kei a knowing look and walked off in silence, they didn't need words to converse at times. _She is Rei or Rei is her…whatever it maybe they are similar,_ Shinji thought as the petite girl vanished from sight. "I guess I should be leaving too, thanks for the drink Herikawa," he tried knowing his escape would not be so sudden or easy.

As he expected as he turned to leave a hand caught onto his shirt and held him in place. Turning back to face the girl he was doomed to hurt, Shinji couldn't see her face as her head was down turned. "Herikawa?" his voice powerfully weak.

"I know Ichigo told you I have feelings for you, that I love you Kei," Herikawa's whispered voice was almost drowned out by the breeze. The delicate almost beautiful words reverberated in Shinji's ears. "That I've loved you for so long but didn't say or do anything about it until it was too late."

Shinji's eyes widened in surprise, Herikawa already knew he wouldn't love her like she wanted. "I…" Herikawa crushed her body against Shinji's and smothered him with a deep kiss. Lingering for as long as she could, trying to memorize the texture and taste as best she could. _I have to stop her, this isn't right._ But he then felt the wetness against his cheek, her tears cascading down much as his did the night before.

Pushing away from her first love, the young woman, more beautiful than Shinji had ever seen her, tried valiantly to wipe the tears away as they spilled. "I'll always love you Kei, if things don't work out with you and…the one you chose, I'll be here for you. I'll wait for you," even if it was an idle promise they both believed it at that moment. "Go Kei I don't want you to see me like this."

Saying nothing, as nothing could really be said to fix things, Shinji turned and left the girl there. His respect for her would never be dulled now, the strength she showed in giving up her feelings, he wondered if he could have matched it. _She deserves so much more than I can give her. _

X-X

Looking up at the veranda as he approached the apartment, Shinji had only one thought, Mizuho must have turned in early for the night. The window that overlooked the lake was devoid of any light even the light glow of the television. He felt oddly content with that knowledge, if only a little disappointed that he wouldn't be able to converse with his wife. _It just feels like it's been so long, not possible for only three days._ But if he were to believe the obvious facts, it had only been that long that he slept and dreamt or the woman who betrayed him.

Sliding his key into the lock as quietly as possible, as if the minute click of the door would wake the other occupant, Shinji stole silently into his home. Shutting the door, Shinji's body froze as he tried to fathom what he was seeing. A line of shining candles one about every foot apart leading towards his shared bedroom. _She isn't trying to…we aren't going to…_his chest throbbed as he started to grasp the situation. "Mizuho?" he called out not expecting a reply.

"I'm here Kei," Mizuho's voice was weaving without confidence and an underlying fear. With her voice and the candles as a beacon, Shinji followed his throat dry. His fingers were twitching with boundless nervous energy. He snuffed out each of the glowing markers as he made his approach trying to calm his already excited state.

Both of them could feel a subtle change in the air of the apartment, as if it was already prepared for what was to come. Extinguishing the last burning ember with his thumb and forefinger, Shinji saw his wife lying on their futon. Misato would have burst into gales of laughter at how red Mizuho was, she was unable to assure herself of her own attractiveness. Clad in what Konoha had claimed was a late wedding gift, a white sheer teddy, that left very little to the imagination, Shinji stood captivated by smooth curves and accented features his wife was endowed with. _Maybe she is a step further than Misato_, a small part of his mind eeked out as he tried desperately to inhale.

Very unsure of herself, embarrassiment etched on her face, Mizuho tried her best to look appealing, if not sexy to her husband. "I wanted to apologize for not trusting you Kei…and to make up for our fight." Extending a shaking hand to the man she was willing to let take her, Mizuho felt a moment of mind numbing panic that he'd reject her. _I'm not the most attractive woman, not taught and firm like those girls in his class._

Almost sensing her own inner debasement, Shinji uttered one gibbering word as he fought to maintain consciousness, "Beautiful." Mizuho's blush broke Shinji from his paralysis and he shut the door behind him. He was terrified, it wasn't going to be like being with Misato, he was the more experienced of the two now, if he took what happened as any sort of reality. She clung to his hand as they stared longingly at one another.

Getting on his knees, Shinji kissed her check chastely, Mizuho's eyes remained shut after her lips slightly parted. "Are you sure?" he thought he heard himself ask. Her nod was the only thing he knew of clearly. And in that room, the two finally consummated their marriage. Shinji kissed away the tears his wife shed as he claimed her, she lied and said it didn't hurt much but they both knew that the first time was pain, later came the pleasure, and they had the rest of their lives to experience that.

Holding Mizuho's naked body against his own as she slept blissfully in his arms, Shinji stroked a stray lock of hair away from her face. _She has an innocence that Misato could never have, but she also has a bad side as well…but now…let me believe this is the only reality. _Whether his crazy idea about what he was suffering from was real or not he didn't know, but he wanted to believe the woman in his arms was real. Kissing the back of her neck, Mizuho murmuring pleasantly and pushing herself deeper into his hold, Shinji prayed hard.

X-X

Author Notes

Well they had to commit to one another eventually and a nice scare often helps with that. Sorry if it's a little cliché but I just really think it fits them both to do things that way. Story is moving closer and closer to its end and I hope you read it until then.

As for me, I really hope I can take my love of writing and make a career of it. But as my readers you know better than I if its possible. I hope in the future you'll be able to read both my fanfiction and my fiction with equal enjoyment.

Thank you

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie-at-secondimpact-dot-com)


	14. Gathering strength

Standard disclaimer

Um yeah…about that delay, sorry? But got some good work done on the novel, still far away from complete but its taking shape and that's good for me. Other stories are getting updated too in typical delayed fashion. I'll try to mix my fanfiction in with the time I spend on the novel better but I've little time to write while working at my job. Bear with me for a while and lets see where this whole endeavor takes me.

Now back to where you wanna be.

X-X

Divergence

Chapter 14 – Gathering Strength

After that first night of love making a change was easily noticeable in the Kusinagi household. The air was lighter, fresher, as if a haze had been lifted or blown away. Mizuho smiled more often when looking at her husband, no longer afraid he'd leave her for the younger Herikawa. She couldn't tell why just the act of physically expressing their love did it, but Mizuho couldn't help but feel that Kei was hers now as she was his. Shinji lost even more of the gloom that had perpetuated his life, in his wife he found more than just a reason to continue to live he found a driving force, and it drove thoughts of Misato far away from his mind.

Time moved ever forward, and a month hence Mizuho's successful attempt to make amends with her husband over a mistake, the pair were looking at the end of the current school year. Shinji had passed with a higher score than Mizuho thought possible and in a few short weeks would be starting his last year. But in that higher score, putting Shinji in forth for highest right under Hyosuke, Mizuho's fears were drawn out again. Finally at an impasse she contacted her mother with the data she had been gathering and waiting on bitten fingernails and a queasy stomach for the reply.

"So today is the last day of the semester, its odd how quickly it passed in hindsight," Shinji mussed to himself as he bite into his toast. Sure it was more of a wasted day of class, the tests passed already, but it served to provide Mizuho the option to give extra work to those who needed remedial studies. "You feeling alright Mizu-chan?" he asked seeing a far off gaze on his wife's face.

The coffee cup pressed lightly to her lips, Mizuho's mind was simply not at the table but fighting the urge to have Maria teleport her to her ship where she'd call her mother again. "What was that Kei-chan?" she shook herself back into focus. One thing that thrilled Mizuho after the occasional tryst, they've made love only twice since that first night, was how he was more open with her, more affectionate. She loved that, felt more connected to him now more than ever. "You said something?"

"I asked if you're feeling ok. You have this far off look on your face, something wrong?" setting his chopsticks down, Shinji leaned over and pressed the back of his hand to Mizuho's forehead. "Not feeling sick are you?" He knew was unlikely anything maternal as Mizuho made a point to have him remind him to take her contraceptive on time, they weren't ready to be parents yet.

Should she bring it up to him now or let it stay hidden until she had factual information, something concrete. "Kei…about those dreams you've had during your withdraw. Do you feel like talking about them now? I know it's a touchy subject for you but I want to help you with them, to understand them." She'd take the middle ground. If they were something more they'd deal with it how it had to be, if not they were still glimpses into his mind. _And he still never told me about that last one…how he cried so horribly._

His good mood crashing instantly, images flashing in his mind of infidelity and betrayal, Shinji pulled back so quickly that for an instant his chair's front legs rocked off the floor. "How about we talk about it after school alright? I'm feeling good right now and I know that likely I won't after we go into detail. Deal?" He held his hand out to seal the verbal agreement to hopefully push off talking about the dreams, those horrible things that caused such fear in his heart.

Taking Kei's hand in hers, Mizuho shook it lightly. "Deal. I'll hold you to that you know." Shinji smiled at her and moved to pull his hand back but found Mizuho not quite so ready to relinquish her hold. "Mizu-chan?" oh how he loved calling her that, it always caused a suitable pink hue to cross her cheeks. Her fingers clenched tighter, he could feel the sweat starting to form, she was worried?

"Kei I…" she looked away bashfully unable to say what she wanted. Much like her husband, Mizuho was shy when it came to matters of affection. After that first painful night, Mizuho found that she enjoyed the touch of her husband, enjoyed it a good deal. "We have…we have some extra time today…don't have to go in until later…did you…" her face burnt with embarrassment and shame. _I thought I'd be past this after we finally did it the first time._

Catching on to the not to subtle hints Mizuho was giving, Shinji felt his heart rate increase dramatically and his own hand become sweaty. _We could but…_Looking at Mizuho's averted eyes, he took a deep breath, "How about we wait on that too. I'd rather not feel pressed for time," pulling her hand to his lips, he kissed the back of her hand softly. "If you still feel that way."

Knowing that he was right, but still feeling a trifle miffed, Mizuho let go of Shinji's hand and smiled at him regardless. _He is right that we don't have a lot of time, but after we talk about these dreams I doubt either of us are much in the mood. _And sadly their moods were often clashing, either she'd have to much work to do or stressed when Shinji felt the rare hormonal urge, and he'd had tests to study for and problem with friends at the time when Mizuho felt the itch. "I guess we can just go into class early, you can talk to your friends and see what their plans are. Hopefully no plans for the beach this year so we can finally get a private honeymoon."

Chuckling softly at her oh to true words, Shinji gathered the empty plates and put them in the sink to soak while they were at school. He could sense the regret in Mizuho's body language but he knew it would have been a bad idea to let hormones rule the roost. "I'll promise to steer them towards a mountain vacation at a hot spring or something." Sliding the cloth strap of his satchel over his shoulder, he headed to the door. "I'll head off now and see you at school once you get there."

Waving at Kei one last time, Mizuho continued to look at the closed door that he just left through. _I didn't think our lives could have changed so much so fast. It's all I could have hoped a marriage could be, I'm surprised. This whole dream issue to actually seems to have thrust is forward faster than expected. _But her own research proved most perplexing borderline frightening. Her husband had two alpha-waves merging into one, and almost as if he had warring personalities and memories. It was so impossible sounding but the idea of possible mental collapse was there if not something more, hence involving her mother. "Kei…we'll work through this together." She loved that man, now she knew that for a truth, and she wouldn't leave him behind, they'd go forward together.

X-X

Hyosuke and Matagu had sensed a change in their friends temperament and personality but for the lives of them they couldn't tell what it was. Kei had always been more allusive in matters of emotion and kept his cards close to his chest, but something was just different about him. "So Kei how are you today? You look good." Matagu asked as Shinji took his normal seat next to them while they pulled out their lunches.

The first half of the day was simply a study hall for the students to collect their thoughts and prepare for their final semester. After the next year it would be off to college for some and the work force for others, now they had to choose which they wanted. Mizuho acted as a consoler for those students that were unsure what they wanted and there was a large number of those unsure. But Shinji and his circle of friends wasn't among them.

Eating a little of his rice, Shinji just rotated his shoulder blades and grinned, "Been a good few weeks. No health problems, tests went well, and things are just good." How much he could tell them was limited by the need for secrecy but it was enough that they knew he was good.

Herikawa and Kaede slumped down next to them as Shinji scratched his nose, "Hey Kei, seen your grades improved a lot, you got a study partner or something?" Hyosuke asked while he wrapped an arm around Kaede's shoulders and pulled her close. "Not aiming to pass me on the class roster next year are you, and where is the shrimp?"

Blushing but still happy to lean her head against her boyfriends shoulder, Kaede responded. "She's being inducted into the student council, she took a real shine to it and I think she's aiming for presidency next semester." Her hands fumbled with her lunch box, extra large to accommodate Hyosuke's appetite. "Hungry?" she asked knowingly as Hyosuke all but drooled over the food.

"Yeah Kei, you're grades really did shoot up there didn't they, anything to say about that?" Herikawa asked with a hint of an edge to her words. Her friendship with the boy was strained at her behest. She just couldn't quell the feelings she had for him, saw everything she didn't know about him or every change as the result of the phantom girlfriend that nobody knew. _It could have been a lie to spare my feelings…oh Kei why couldn't I have been the one you chose?_

Finishing his melon soda, Shinji couldn't meet Herikawa's glance, "I just started to understand things better is all." And it was true, ever since his dreams, if they were dreams part of him screamed demanding acknowledgement, he just knew things better and had an easier time studying. "And how is Ichigo going to make president after only being in council for such a short period?" he tried to steer the conversation away from himself and his changes. The less he thought about it the better he felt, the realer he felt.

Always at the back of his mind it gnawed at him, memories of Shinji, Rei, Asuka, Nerv, and lastly Misato. He couldn't refute the changes in himself but he could lie, and it worked as long as he wasn't thinking about it. But right now he could feel something else, more pressing, and that was Herikawa and that hurt and angry look on her face, asking questions with her eyes about the why's and how's of his knew found knowledge.

Pumping his hand into his fist, Matagu put two and two together in his mind and got a five. "Maybe Kei's got himself a study buddy girlfriend or something. It would explain why you don't hang out with us as much as you used to and why your so happy lately." The boy's grin did not find a pair in the crowd as the others just winced at the words. Kaede knew how deeply Herikawa felt for Kei, Herikawa for obvious reasons of spurned love, while Shinji and Hyosuke had thoughtful expressions. "Is that it…Kei?" Matagu didn't quite notice the air growing heavy among them.

In the confines of Hyosuke's mind, something clicked into place, finally made sense. He was almost positive what brought about the change in Kei and once given a chance to talk in private would confirm it. "Nah that couldn't be it Matagu, he'd have told us so lets hear more about the squirt." Ichigo was a bundle of mysteries to Hyosuke, and for a brief period a fixation of his that was until Kaede told hold of his mind.

"I'd watch what you call the next student council president or you'll find many colleges looking disapprovingly on you," the soft yet semi-wicked voice of Ichigo wafted from behind Hyosuke. Her grin thin but apparent, Ichigo stood proudly as she walked around the group. "They saw my plans for the council and voted unanimously to appoint me to the position," rubbing her hands together Shinji to a sick reminder of his father for an instant.

With the final member of the crew finally present and with such a big announcement the conversation was pulled away from Shinji and his mystery grades and to Ichigo's presidential plans. It couldn't have made Shinji happier to be out of the lime-light, but something worried him about Ichigo's plans and motives, _if Rei is as devious as Ichigo, I think father is going to be in for a surprise. _At that thought Shinji slapped the side of his head hard gaining the looks of Herikawa and Matagu, "Just a fly bugging me," he lied and got away with it. _Rei's a dream, all of that is! Please let it be!_

Hearing the bells chime the end of the last lunch session for the semester, the group all vowed to get together and do something fun, the idea of a hot springs trip was mentioned and many took a shine to it. Hyosuke waited for the rest to leave before grabbing Shinji's hand and pulling him to a stop. "Got a few extra minutes to lend me your ear Kei?" the usual energy in Hyosuke's voice replaced with seriousness.

"Sure, what did you need Hyosuke?" Shinji could only recall a few times where he'd heard that tone in his friends voice, and none of them were things he'd forget. The first was hearing Hyosuke's plans for college, moving to the city, and the dream to be a politician, and the second was when he confessed to sleeping with Kaede. "But make it quick or Kamazaki-sensei will be angry with us," and Shinji didn't want anything else to add to the stress of the day.

With a few quick nods and one look at the door, Hyosuke missed seeing Herikawa duck behind the frame. "I'll be brief, just wanted to ask you this. You got laid didn't you?" The mask of seriousness broke into a stupid and goofy grin and Hyosuke grabbed Shinji by the neck. "You're just to relaxed now, to happy, but it wasn't Herikawa because she looks ready to either kill you or drag you into a closet, so spill who is it?"

Herikawa's eyes shot open full as her mouth dropped, had that happened? Had Kei finally lost his virginity to somebody, somebody not her? Was it real that he'd honestly fell in love with another woman? The world around her turned a haze of white while she listened intently, not breathing afraid it would mar some important word. "I…you see about that," she heard Kei stutter much to her dismay. The final nail in the coffin came a moment later, "yes we finally did. But I don't really feel ready to say who yet, can you wait?" With nothing left to gain, Herikawa found she didn't have tears to shed. She cried for the loss of Kei already, know she knew for a fact that he was forever out of her grasp, she'd not lost his friendship though so. _Maybe if things don't work out for them he'll be mine…I will wait for him, for him I can wait._

Pulling her books closer to her chest, Herikawa felt oddly good knowing what she did. It was the weight that maybe he had been lying to her that forced the angry hostility between them. Rushing to her desk she watched as Hyosuke and Kei entered, Hyosuke patting Kei on the back with his normal excessive exuberance and Kei scratching his cheek, and for a moment a brief moment it seemed that Kei and Kamazaki-sensei shared a look. _That's just my imagination, its not possible for somebody like her to have a high school student as a boyfriend. _

X-X

Mizuho didn't know how it happened, but somehow that girl Ichigo got Kei to stay after school to help rearrange the student council office. Standing alone in her apartment, Mizuho made a mental note to keep an eye on that girl, something was hidden behind those red eyes and it appeared to be a promise of pain to those who underestimated her. _We were supposed to talk about those dreams of his but I guess it can wait. _The other plan for the day wafted into her mind, along with memories of the last time they both felt the urge. Her hand reached for the telephone while she indulged in a little fantasy, "Maybe Konoha has some time to talk," Mizuho murmured while she dialed the numbers.

After the phone rang seven times and Mizuho was tempted to just hang up the line picked up, "Hello you're reached the Edjima clinic, we are currently away in Tokyo for a medical conference, please leave a name and number and if an emergence my nephew Kei can re-direct you to our hotel, thank you," it was Minoru's voice. How Mizuho and Kei hadn't heard of this conference was a mystery best answered by the lack of talking between her and the man, most of the time, all a better word, she contacted her neighbors she wanted to talk to Konoha.

Blowing upward hard and messing her bangs up, Mizuho was again disappointed at the unexpected nature of things. Maria 'noed' at her in his fashion and continued to float around the room in his inner tube. "Maybe I could…" Mizuho's mind wandered back to her mother and the request for information, but she really hadn't talked with her mother since the day after she and Kei were together and something just told her that Hatsuho wasn't going to make it easy for her. "Best check in anyway, Maria teleport me to the ship and notify me when Kei gets here, make it priority one."

Saluting his master, Maria phased the buxom woman still clad in her white skirt and green top to the ship that lay under the water of the lake. Left to his own devices again and alone in the apartment, Maria continued with his favorite pastime of bouncing off the walls using his tube to see how many bounces he can get and waited for the eventual return of Kei.

Opening her eyes to the steel and glass confines of her ship, Mizuho groaned again at the tearing of the fabric of her casual clothing. Softer textured clothing often didn't make the teleportation in one piece and again Mizuho cursed herself for not changing back into her pilot gear. After heading to her small room aboard the ship and sliding into the uncomfortable form fitting black body suit, Mizuho headed for the helm of the ship and the communications array that would hopefully link her to her mother. "Should have brought Maria here for this part…this is always a little difficult," she mused while pushing buttons and trying to remember the steps to establish a link.

After several unsuccessful tries and some very unusual answers, Mizuho was face to face with her mother. "Hi mom, how are you?" Mizuho asked casually as she didn't want to sound as if the only reason she called was for information on her husband.

Palm to cheek, Hatsuho smiled warmly at her daughter, reading her like a book. "So my dear daughter calls me after almost a month of keeping to herself does she? I'm fine dear and yourself?" Liking to play a little to much, Hatsuho was going to have so much fun with this. Her daughters body language was suitably different something only one very close to her would notice, Hatsuho noticed immediately. "You and that husband of yours settling in well?" she asked testing the waters.

Pay dirt signs flashed in Hatsuho's mind as Mizuho looked away bashfully and fumbled with her hands. "We're good mother, and speaking of Kei did you learn anything?" she did her best to keep her anxiety out of her voice. So many possibilities existed for the changes in her husband, mental, physical, maybe even some disease she brought over that he caught.

Chuckling softly behind her hand, Hatsuho wasn't going to let Mizuho off that easy. While she didn't get all the information that Mizuho requested, he daughter didn't know that, and Hatsuho wanted to catch up with her eldest daughter badly. "Not so fast Mizuho, you ask me a question and I ask you one, ok? You so rarely call me anymore, mommy feel left out." She fake pouted wiped a fake tear away from her eye.

Paling at Hatsuho's ultimatum, knowing exactly what type of questions she was going to ask, Mizuho was never more glad that Kei wasn't there to see her. "Fine mother, if that's what it'll take to get you to answer me. So did you learn anything about what happened to him?"

Flinching at the slightly irritated words, Hatsuho nodded, "I had to use backdoor channels to find this as your marriage to Kei-kun would raise eyebrows at headquarters and likely be frowned upon. So I sent his data to several research institutes and colleges for study. Now for my question." Seeing her daughter opening her mouth to protest Hatsuho cut her off, "You asked if I learned anything not what I learned and I answered, yes I did learn something, you need to learn how to be specific like this. Have you and your husband finally took that last step and officially become man and wife?"

Mizuho looked at her mother squarely in the eye and sized up her opponent and realized that her mother was just as sharp a mind as she was and not to be taken lightly. Now however she had to answer the question and her heart burned with embarrassment at having to talk about such things with her mother. "Yes we did."

"Oh phooey and here mommy was hoping to take Kei-kun into her arms after you spurned him," Hatsuho said half joking as being a single mother did leave her very lonely. "Now what is your next question?"

Not wasting a moment Mizuho asked, "What did you learn about Kei's condition and those dreams of his?" She hoped the humiliation was worth it, and as much as she wanted to knew she couldn't blame Kei for this as she took it upon herself to learn about it for him.

Pulling up a few reports, Hatsuho frowned slightly and unnerved Mizuho horribly. "Not much sadly. Nothing in the general records can account for the two alpha wave patterns and the beta and gamma waves two are split if you didn't already know. It is as if there are two minds at work. The dreams could simply be his minds way of assimilating knowledge from this pattern, but its origin is unknown right now. I'm having them delve deeper into the archives for things similar to this but they haven't gotten back yet. And since that was two questions I get two questions now." Seeing the fear in her daughters eyes at her report, Hatsuho's heart went out to her daughter, nobody should lose a loved one and she could tell that was Mizuho's fear. "So how does Kei-kun measure up dear? Are you satisfied with his performance or does mommy need to give him lessons in how to please my spoiled little girl?"

Her entire body seemed to blaze with heat as Hatsuho smiled playfully at her. "Mother how could you ask me such things!" Her hands pumped excitedly at the sheer oddness of her mothers questions, she had thought it would be bad but never this bad. "Can't you ask something else?"

"No no no dear, mommy wants to know how her daughter is now that she's become a woman. Answer the questions please," Hatsuho's emerald eyes gleamed with joy at the squirming her daughter was doing, and she hoped Maho would be just as fun to tease when she came of age.

Even though it was impossible for anybody to be on the ship without her knowing it, Mizuho scanned the deck regardless. "He's wonderful mother…after the first time it was very good. I didn't know just how it would be…its so emotional and I feel that we connect on some different level, something I can't explain." Her voice became wistful and her fingers played with her hair. It went beyond just carnal lust, it was as if she became one with him spiritually. Kei was often aloof with his feelings but when they were together like that it felt as if she was basking in his love for her.

Hatsuho's smile lost its playfulness but widened a motherly smile. "I'm happy dear, truly happy for you. For a small time I was worried that your feelings for him were more like that of a brother or good friend, but from what you say I have no doubt you love him. Cherish that Mizuho and don't fear loosing it, even if that does come to pass." Her own eyes glazed over as she remembered her departed husband, "Take as much love from him as you can and give it back two times over and you'll never be sorry. I'll keep in touch if I find out anything more, you just go back to him now dear."

The screen disappeared leaving Mizuho perplexed by the change in her mother's voice and complexion. Unknown to her a tear streaked down her cheek as on a level she understood. Her mother wasn't trying to tease her, she was worried, concerned for her daughter so far away from home and thrust into a strange position. Fear of losing the man she came to love just like her mother had, Mizuho wondered how Hatsuho survived it, and realized it was Maho and her that did it. It was because she had daughters to care for that Hatsuho survived and withheld her own suffering and loneliness. Vowing to call home more often, Mizuho was shocked see two hours had passed and now Maria was calling her, Kei was home.

X-X

Walking into the apartment covered in dust and sweat from helping Ichigo design her perfect thrown room, Shinji expected anything other than Maria's happy dance as he walked in. "What are you all excited about?" he asked the odd machine only to see his wife teleport right in front of him in her ship attire. "Oh…you're on guard were you?"

Maria made his odd sound as Mizuho took a deep breath, "I made supper for us while you were gone, I know its not as good as what you make but I thought it would help facilitate things." She leaned in and gave Shinji a brief hug, sniffing the air around him, "and you smell bad Kei." No need to mention anything yet, best go at a slow pace.

A laugh and glasses adjustment later, Shinji took his shoes off and headed to the table, "I'm sure whatever you made will be fine, and Ichigo was a stern taskmaster in getting us to set up her office to her exact specifications." The large desk, the odd hanging scroll behind her desk, Shinji again had flashbacks of his father and that didn't suit him well, but it did suit the conversation to come.

"I made some udon and rice for supper," she announced filling the bowls with the dish and setting the table. "Did you want to start now or after we eat?" her body was filled with anticipation, she had wanted to know more about the latest dreams her husband had but didn't want to press to hard.

Smelling the soup like meal, Shinji nodded at it, "Smells great, and I think we can just…just go over this while we eat." He didn't want to talk about it now, and knew he wouldn't want to talk about it after dinner so best bite the bullet and get it over with faster. "Did you want me to just start at the beginning or did you have specific questions?"

Starting into her meal, miffed that the quality that used to be superior to her husbands now was behind, Mizuho coughed lightly. _Its not going to be like my talk with mom will it?_ Her body suit chaffing ever so slightly she wondered if she could ask him to wait until she changed but didn't, he was willing to talk best not procrastinate. "Why don't you just start with what happened since you told me about the dreams before. Last thing I heard of them you had feelings for some Misato woman." It flared a jealous streak in her, this dream woman, but that was a tale for another day.

Sipping the broth, Shinji was glad he didn't have to cook today, liked it when his wife cooked for him. "Well I'm going to tell you this but I don't want you to get upset ok…this is all a dream remember." The talks were going to be inclusive and that meant he was going to tell Mizuho things she wasn't going to like hearing. Watching her twitch and move in her seat, something else was apparent to him, he found that suit to be suddenly very sexy.

Catching the odd gleam in Shinji's eyes, Mizuho almost read his mind, but came to the same conclusion. _I'll have to remember this…he's not like he was the first time I tried to seduce him in this thing._ That time on her ship felt ages ago. "I'll remember that it was just a dream but let me just say I don't like how you opened this talk Kei-chan."

He didn't think she'd be any happier at the end, but he pressed on. "Ok well after the last dream I had during withdraw it got more complicated. Misato and I became a couple, but had to keep it a secret at Nerv, you remember Nerv right?" Mizuho nodded and sucked up an extra long noodle. "Well you have to know that in the dream Misato is a bit more…" he didn't want to say easy as it didn't fit, "she's more open about showing physical affection."

"And I'm not open about it?" Mizuho said snidely thinking Shinji was making a shot at her and calling her a prude, if she remembered correctly it was him that denied the last two offers of intimacy.

Waving his hands quickly, "It's not like that…she 'wants' to do such things more…you see?" A blush adorned her cheeks as Mizuho caught on. "Well we were intimate several times, and things seemed to be going great for us." How odd it was to be talking about Misato in such a 'fake' fashion, he hated/loved how it came out. The duality was taking arms again, with part of him devastated by the betrayal but still wanting to see Misato while the other was never more glad to be gone from her and with Mizuho.

Her eyebrows hardened, he had slept with another woman in his dream? _It's just a dream right…its not infidelity right? I mean I have dreams about…but…it's with him… _Setting her drink down, now mostly empty, Mizuho twirled her finger, "Go on Kei, and don't worry I'm not mad about your dream lover…" not much anyway.

"Well…Asuka, the girl that's the Herikawa in my dream I think, staged a party to confess her love for me but it got botched." That made Mizuho smile reluctantly, if this Misato was her likeness in the dream it meant that Kei had finally moved past Herikawa, he was all hers. "But the next day is when…I…Kaji came over…came over after Misato came home acting weird." Mizuho saw a change in her husband, he wasn't detached anymore, wasn't talking about these dreams like they were fake. "He smelled like her…smelled like our room does after we…she cheated on me. She admitted it to him that they slept together, he was going to ask her to marry him. I…I felt so betrayed so hurt that I…"

_Withdrew?_

The meal long gone since the recollection started, Mizuho pushed her plate away from her body and headed to her misty eyed husband. "Kei, this happened after our fight, you must have been worried that you'd lose me, that I'd betray you." No that didn't match up, it was a worry that he had been unfaithful that created that fight, something didn't add up with that line thought.

"It makes sense," he lied to both himself and Mizuho but he believed it. "Just thinking about it makes me sad you know…it seemed so real at the time that I just wanted to die. When I opened my eyes I saw you but didn't know it was you, and that's the story." His body slumped back heavily against the chair. A warmth spread over his hand that lay unmoved on the table.

Mizuho's hands pressed softly against him, one on his hand and the other against his chest. "Kei," her words almost inaudible. To be betrayed by a loved one was a fear Mizuho held, but never experienced and in this dream or whatever it was her husband felt such a stabbing pain. "I'll never betray you like that, you know that. And I know you'll never do that do me," she leaned in slowly looking for any sign of apprehension or resistance. She found none, found willingness and a need she hadn't seen often.

Capturing his wife's lips and pulling her into a strong embrace, Shinji sought stability within Mizuho's arms that he needed more than anything. She gave it to him willingly and more as the kissed deepened and the pair found that unlike what Shinji thought, they both were in the mood, they slept in late that next day but with school now over for a short period it didn't mean a thing. Shinji's mind was firm _I don't want to leave her, ever. I love this woman and don't want to leave here._

X-X

Author Comments

Little bit of waff at the end but I think it helps things. Hope you liked this chapter, mix of serious and silly but know that things won't always be happy. I'm heading towards the crescendo of this story and soon the climax. If you enjoyed this chap please leave a review or drop me an email as it helps me to know if my stories are heading in the direction I think I'm steering them.

Well later people

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie –at-secondimpact-dot-com)


	15. Recongition

Standard Disclaimer

I just couldn't get this update out of my head so I had to write this chapter now. Hope nobody is upset that I didn't wait as long as before to update. Good news on other writing fronts so I let out a rowdy cheer and hope you've all had a happy turkey day.

Enough blather

X-X

Divergence

Chapter 15 – Revelation

Shinji felt an odd sense of euphoria as he laid in his futon, eyes still shut after a peaceful night sleep that often came from the aftermath of Mizuho and his quelling of their sexual needs. The futon even felt better this morning, so much so that he didn't want to wake up, but something was a little off, it was cold. _Odd Mizuho has been taken to sleeping in since school let out._

Reaching his hand over hoping to find the shoulder of his wife, he found something else. His hand draped over another hand, smaller and thinner than Mizuho's. It was the hand of somebody his age, a cold lump started to form in his stomach and he felt the driving urge to pee at that moment. "No…this is just…" but he could sense a change in the air, it smelled different. It was an antiseptic smell that part of him knew all too well as that of a hospital. "No I can't be…" his voice was weak but strong enough for the owner of the hand to hear it.

"You have finally woken Ik-Shinji-kun?" Rei corrected herself as she was still uncomfortable calling her newest and only friend by his first name. In an odd act that even she couldn't understand, Rei worked her hand under Shinji's and held it softly. "You have had us worried, but now you have quelled such fears."

His eyes betraying his heart, opened wide as the docile tones of Rei's voice wafted into his head breaking the hope that everything was an illusion, a bad dream. "Rei?" he couldn't keep the fear out of his word. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he could see the reason his futon felt so much nicer was because he wasn't in it but actually a large hospital bed, Rei seated on a chair at his side her face was slack as usual but Shinji could detect hints of relief. "What…how?"

"Captain Katsuragi found you collapsed on your apartment floor in a coma-like state. Fearing for you safety she brought you here where you have remained for the last three weeks," Rei rattled off reading the correct questions from Shinji's aborted statements. His words confused her though, his statements from before he fully woke and said her name. "Would you like anything?"

Sitting up, Rei's hand still refusing to relinquish his, Shinji let the sheet pool at his waist. Looking down at Rei's small hand, bigger than Ichigo's he noted, Shinji's head flared brilliantly with pain. His teeth swam in it as the agony robbed him of his voice and his body doubled over. "A-asprin…bad headache!" he managed to get out as Rei quickly jumped from her chair at his apparent attack. Rubbing his back as she thought it would help, Rei hit the nurse's call button.

"Shinji-kun you must bear with this until the nurse or Dr Akagi arrives," her eyes darted to the door where she had hoped would have opened already. Moments passed like hours as she felt him convulse and quiver under her hands, a few dry sobs escaped his lips and she felt the oddest thing. She felt hurt too. Felt pain on an emotional level. _I guess this is what it means to care for somebody, interesting. _She didn't like the feeling.

Sitting up as the pain cleared for a moment, Shinji caught Rei surprised as he bore into her eyes, and she could see such sadness in his face. "Why couldn't I have just stayed there?" Shinji's mind was finally starting to accept the truth of his condition. He had not withdrew like he thought, hell the last thing he remembered before going to sleep was just how happy he was. But now he was back in Tokyo-3, head throbbing in such exquisite pain that he feared it would split and flood the room with oily liquid pain.

_What does he mean by that? Where is 'there'?_ Rei opened her mouth to ask for clarification but Shinji again crumpled under the pain, hands grasping at his head. The door burst open and two nurses's pushed her aside to examine and tend to the wounded pilot. As they wheeled Shinji's bed out of the room, one nurse holding him down, their eye's meet for a moment and both thought they knew exactly what the other was thinking 'We'll talk later.'

X-X

Sitting in small uncomfortable chairs in Ritsuko's office, Asuka and Misato glared at one another while they waited for Ritsuko to show up. Misato was angry at how Asuka was treating everybody since Shinji's accident, the red head was overly curt and cruel to just about everybody and almost started a fist fight with Rei. Asuka was pissed at how Misato was ignoring Shinji, in the three weeks since he'd been put into this coma Asuka counted maybe one time Misato went to check on him. _The negligent bitch, just can't keep her pants on when Kaji's around. _

"Why are you here Asuka, this is about Shinji's condition and I'm his guardian. You should be at school." Misato tried to keep her tone as mellow and flat as possible. While her insides were squirming and boiling inside her to rush to Shinji's side, she couldn't. Not with how she treated him, and what she suspected she caused. _And Kaji's just been so overly nice to me now, waiting for me to come back to him after 'my boyfriend dumps me.' _

Brushing her hair back over her shoulder, Asuka grunted, "What right do you have to call yourself a guardian anyway? All I've seen you do since Shinji slipped into this coma was drink and slink off likely into Kaji's bed!" Crossing her legs and glaring angrily at the other woman in the room, Asuka wasn't about to be lectured by what she thought a whore. "How many times have you even went to see him huh? Once? Twice?"

Asuka's barbs struck a powerful cord in her heart, it felt like a long needle going deeper and deeper into the soft sensitive tissue. Yes she had taken to drinking even more to drown her sorrows. She couldn't count the number of times she almost did run to Kaji for even a small moment of relief from her self-imposed punishment, but luckily her will remained strong on at least that front. But in that one visit to Shinji's bedside, seeing him so still, almost dead, Misato couldn't take it. _I caused this because I cheated on him, and still I lie to everybody and say I don't know why he fainted._

"I'm busy Asuka, Nerv Tactical doesn't run itself and no I haven't been with Kaji," the edge in her voice kept rising, louder, and angrier. Her words reverberated in the small office like cannon balls, "And I'd see him more if I could but what good would that do Asuka? You think you holding his hand will bring him back? Will your love for him wake him up like some odd form of Prince Charming's kiss?" Misato had hated part of herself for exposing Asuka's crush in such a hurtful manner, but the paled look on Asuka's face made her feel to good. "So you did try to wake him with a kiss?"

Her fists tightened so hard she heard them all pop in unison, her face was blazon red as her hair crested over her eyes giving Misato a red haze. "Don't you fucking say another word about that. Or about how I feel about him. You wouldn't understand what real emotions are because you can't have sex with them. All you are is a whore, a drunken whore that can't understand how I feel about him." She was ashamed that she had actually gave in to a weak impulse and faint hope that her small peck would have had some response other than the beeping of the machines but it didn't.

Asuka felt horrible for the fact that Shinji took such a big place in her heart, and that she'd yet to capture his. At times she tried to kill those feelings of giddiness at thinking about talking to him, her blush when she did the laundry and folded his boxers, and for the shame she felt at her drunken confession. _It wasn't supposed to happen like that but it did._

"Now, now, Children calm down or I'll kick you both out," Ritsuko said as she walked in on the two's growing argument. The tensions had been high with Shinji gone, one third of the pilot core neutralized, but having Misato and Asuka at each other's throat wouldn't help things progress. Stepping purposefully between the two women, Ritsuko took her seat behind her desk and adjusted her glasses. "Are you two going to calm down or should I just let you kill each other?"

Her chest was tight and constrictive as Asuka's diatribe continued to play in her mind, but Misato knew Ritsuko well enough to keep silent. "I'm calm enough for whatever you have to say Rits, now could we get this started so I can get back to my reports?" Her reports now being a bottle of Gin and a shot glass in her office with the door closed. _I didn't know how much I needed him till now, now that I ruined everything we built._

A fierce nod from Asuka, "Lets hear what you got to say, don't want to keep Misato away from her booze for too long she's starting to sober up." She sneered at the Captain who flinched unintentionally and noticed a disproving look on Ritsuko's face. A promise of pain later.

"Asuka another outburst like that and I'll have to ask you to leave ok?" Ritsuko sighed as Asuka just waved her hand dismissively. Handing the two worried women a copy of her report, confusion already present in both women's body language, Ritsuko went into detail with her findings. "I fed the data we gathered from the first week of observation into the Magi and this is what they finally concluded." She pointed to several flat bars of readings, "this should be were Shinji's brainwaves should be. Even in coma patients some action is going on, but with his we find nothing, it's like his body is in a state of suspended animation."

"Is their any way to bring him out of it?" Misato asked with a little more passion that Ritsuko and Asuka thought possible.

Ritsuko's slow head shake told both more than they wanted to know. "It's like he's dead Misato. He is totally unresponsive to stimuli and it seems even his cells stopped aging. In that state there is no telling how long he can stay in it. He may wake up in five minutes, ten years, or never again. But this does go along with Maya's own research into his split ego border. I want to run a few more tests to confirm this but with Shinji in his condition I can't." Misato was disgusted with the bright shine in Ritsuko's eyes, in Shinji the doctor found a fascinating specimen of something that shouldn't be possible but could be in fact a scientific breakthrough.

Compiling Maya's tests with her knowledge of the weapon Shinji tested, Ritsuko had a theory. It was simple but highly improbably with normal Euclidian physics. With so little known about just what occurs in black holes however, Ritsuko had hope that Shinji would be proof positive of the existence of parallel dimensions. Two brainwave patterns, two sets of personalities, of memories, of experiences merged into one being? Was it possible, not likely but with the more things she was learning it appeared more feasible. But what of this coma? That was the fly in the ointment.

"So you're going to turn him into a lab rat or something then?" Asuka voiced Misato's speculation. "Keep prodding and poking him trying to find out everything about how to keep cellular decay from occurring, maybe make yourself a little fountain of youth, but doing nothing to save him. Fine then, if the next angel comes and kills us all I hope you die with great fucking skin!" Asuka yelled as she stood up quickly and set her chair falling over. "I'm going to go see…"

Ritsuko's phone rang and cut off Asuka's rant. "Yes…yes…he is?" Her eyes grew bigger with more anticipation of testing and scientific zeal. Asuka and Misato watched the transformation from serious to giddy in Ritsuko's face and knew what the doctor was being told. Asuka didn't even feel Misato's arm push her away as the Captain rushed out of the room and towards the hospital.

"I don't care if he forgives me, I have to apologize," Misato said to herself as she smashed the gas pedal to the floor and sped off to her awaken boyfriend. _If he'll have me back he'll get everything from me he ever wanted. I'll change for him this time!_

X-X

While Misato tore across the streets of Tokyo-3 and Asuka sat fuming on the bus back to the apartment after being left behind, Rei felt worried by the far off look on Shinji's face. The nurses found nothing wrong with him but gave him a mild sedative to cope with the pain and left the boy in Rei's care. "Are you feeling well enough to talk?" she asked.

Sipping on some of the cold water provided and eyeing the tray of food provided, something that could have passed for meat and a cup of Jell-O, Shinji sighed mentally. _I know she's worried but it sounds like she's doing this for a report for father and not out of actual concern. _He had hoped Rei would have a little inflection in her voice, but wouldn't fault her for it. "I have to talk to somebody about this because I think I'm going crazy Rei."

"When you first awoke you said you didn't want to be here, would rather be 'there' could you explain?" Rei started right off taking Shinji's comment as the go-ahead. The ways of emotions and non-logical actions was still strange to her but she was trying. "You were under constant surveillance and your body did not leave the hospital bed so I am most confused."

"So am I Rei, so am I." Shinji laughed a little as Rei's brow furrowed in further confusion. "Sorry just I don't know where to start or how much you'll believe, how much I will really believe honestly." Shifting in his hospital gown he wondered why they made the things so thin as his body felt chilled.

Checking the door again to insure it was closed, Rei turned back to Shinji, "Then the optimal place would be the beginning would it not?" Was he trying to dodge the issue or run from it? Rei could sense an apprehension in his voice but his words said he wanted to talk.

"Ok, but bear with me as this is going to sound odd. I…ever since that whole weapons test accident have been having these…I thought they were dreams but now I'm not so sure, visions I guess will suffice for now. Visions of me being in another place, with a different body, name, hell the whole world is different, but at times its not." Shinji turned his head and looked blindly forward, eyes distant and hazed as he recalled the time, blurred and smashed together. Part of his mind raged out praying that in the next moment he would blink and be looking at Mizuho again but something in him told him it wouldn't be that easy.

Nodding to his story, "And was this place better than here?" Knowing Shinji's apprehension to fighting it wasn't hard for Rei to believe, but a small pain developed at the idea that he didn't want to be with her or the others anymore.

"Well right now with how Misato…did she tell you anything? Say anything?" Shinji asked sidetracked by the reminder of Misato's infidelity. He hadn't seen her yet and didn't know what he'd do when he did. While holding Mizuho's hand, thoughts of Misato and what she did to him or what would become of them was farthest in his mind.

A small head shake and frown crested Rei's lips, "The captain has only visited you once in the three weeks you've been here." There was that hurt look in his eyes again, "Did something occur between you two?"

"She," Shinji's head dipped, "cheated on me with Kaji-san. He told me they were together and that he was going to marry her and that was the last thing I remember before I…guess I can say I withdrew, the coma you saw me in I call it withdraw." Rei's eyebrow raised up as the unknown condition was already named by Shinji. "With what Misato did and how we are now, yes the other place seemed better. I'm loved their, its peaceful there, and it doesn't hurt as much."

Again her body acted before her mind could understand why, Rei took Shinji's hand again. "You are cared for here as well. You are important to Soryu, your friends have came numerous times, and you are my sole friend. I am…" Rei's face contorted in a mix of shame and frustration as she tried to think of the words to convey the sensation in her, "I am saddened when you say you don't wish to be with us. But we digress tell me more." She asked more to get out of talking, to be the listener again.

And listen she did as Shinji started his tale again. Going over everything he could remember. He told Rei about the other place where Mankind had ventured into the stars, his wife, his other friends, and all that occurred there. All that time Rei tried to paint the vision Shinji was detailing in other ways. Checking for a form of psychotic break or hallucination but in the end came up dry. "What do you believe this means Shinji?" she asked as he finished his dialogue by telling her the last thing he remembered was kissing Mizuho's cheek and falling asleep.

"I don't know what I think. I have memories as Kei Kusinagi, where I was born, my family, what foods I like and what movies I love. But I also have the same memories as Shinji Ikari. Its like I'm both people but not either of them…I yell at myself a lot because part of me wants to be with Mizuho and another wants to try and fix things with Misato." Grabbing his temples in frustration and the budding pain, "And the more that happens the more my head hurts. I'm going crazy aren't I?"

Letting go of his hand as she heard the door open slightly but the intruder intended to remain secret, Rei stood. "I do not believe that is the case. Given the evidence you have said nothing to indicate such a conclusion, perhaps you should tell Dr Akagi." Though Rei was loath to include the doctor in things she knew the woman was most likely the best source of knowledge. "I will take my leave now, but just remember what I said. Things here are not so bad" _I hope._

_Of course its bad, I'm back with the woman that crushed my feelings! I don't think anymore that this is a dream or that Mizuho is so that also makes me an adulterer! I can't be mad at Misato for what she did but it still hurts!_ Trying his best to smile, it was weak but still heartfelt, Shinji waved to Rei as she headed to the door. "Take care, and I'll see you as soon as I get out of here at school. Or if you want you can come over and visit." But with Asuka there Shinji doubted Rei would ever attempt to visit again in fear of how Asuka would react.

Walking out of the door, leaving Shinji again to attempt to come to terms with what happened to him, Rei was perplexed. The concept was so odd, neigh impossible, but she didn't have an explanation to discredit him until Ritsuko had a chance to do a more in depth examination. Shutting the door behind her, Rei saw who the spy was that had been attempting to eavesdrop. "Captain Katsuragi are you sure you wish to see him so soon? He just woke and had a minor incident. I am unsure if it's wise for you to add undue stress."

Misato's red rimmed eyes took on a hard edge as she looked down at the young girl. "I don't have to answer to you Ayanami. I have to see him and apologize and if I don't do it now I don't know if I'll ever have the courage." She turned to look at the door separating her from him and couldn't help but think Rei might have a point.

"How much of his recollection did you hear?" Rei asked accusingly. Sure Rei heard the door open but how long before Misato opted to listen through the closed door before opening it. In Rei's mind Misato had done something to affront Shinji, and Rei did vow to protect him and didn't that include his heart and feelings too?

Eyes still locked on the white hospital door, Misato replied sheepishly, "All of it. Some story he has there. Nothing other than shock and his minds attempt to assimilate all that has happened to him nothing more." But that didn't sound right as it left her tongue, maybe it was just part of her didn't like the idea of her man being married to another woman. She wanted him back, not in the arms of another. "No I'm going to talk to him before my courage fails me."

Shrugging lightly, Rei passed Misato and headed down the hall only to be stopped by her cell phone, the commander was calling her. Back in the small room, Shinji laid heavily on his bed, eyes closed and mind occupied with trying to sort through everything that was happening. One moment he was with his wife and the next he was back in Tokyo-3. Nothing caused him to withdraw, no trauma, no pain, but here he was again. His heart couldn't condemn Mizuho to a dream or illusion she was to real for that. But that left him with two alternatives. One he was dreaming now or two this was reality too. Both at the same time but not the same place. How it happened he didn't know, but what he did know was somewhere Misato was off with Kaji.

"It's been three weeks since I last woke up…maybe they got married already," he said halfheartedly. Rolling on his side he saw a familiar crop of hair standing at his door. Her eyes were on him but not really seeing him seeing through him, seeing into him, seeing everything in the room at once with tear rimmed eyes. "M-Misato-san?"

Through full force of will Misato kept herself from rushing to him and wrapping him in her arms. "Good to see you awake again Shin-chan." The last word was said with a painful hope. The wince she saw in his eyes told her to keep from saying it again so soon. She'd not be forgiven this quickly.

"Where is Kaji-san…I would have though he wouldn't have left his fiancé alone so fast," Shinji rolled again and laid on his back staring at the ceiling, a dead spot grew in his chest full of all the suffering, regret, and sorrow Misato created in her act of betrayal.

Taking up Rei's still warm seat, Misato didn't know how to proceed. Avenues were present to end the relationship now or to go on. She could try to use her body to regain his favor, but with Shinji she doubted that would work. Words would be the best option but she wasn't too good at conveying her feelings. "Look Shinji-kun about…Kaji and me. I'm not interested in him like that."

"But you will sleep with him though right?" Shinji shot out glad the door was closed. He wanted to forgive her but it was hard very hard. "You said you loved me Misato-san and that was how you showed it by sleeping with Kaji-san?"

Her fingers were biting into her knees as she bent her head over. She deserved what he said because it was true. He tried to be more open for her, tried to appease her physical needs, and a bevy of other things he was trying to change for her and she stabbed him in the back. "I won't try to lie to you about that Shinji-kun. I'm a weak woman. Kaji…Kaji and I had a long past together, most of it between the sheets. I-I'm a very…oh Kami-Sama I feel horrible saying this but I just like the touch of a man. He knew…knows how to push those buttons in me that got me all riled up and…I didn't _want_ to do it but I couldn't fight it." Shame hit her in waves as she confessed. Asuka calling her a whore didn't sound that far off to her now.

Sniffing loudly but determined not to show weakness, to show how much the freshly reopened wounds hurt Shinji gritted his teeth. "So is that it then? For us I mean? If Kaji can do these things to you that you want and I can't…that my feelings weren't enough to make you happy why should we bother trying. I can't be the lover he is to you Misato, I know I can't. If that's what you want…what you need then I guess we were mistaken in trying to be together." Chilled, cold, his legs felt alive with gooseflesh as he spoke. He didn't want Misato gone but if he couldn't trust her not to go screw somebody that knew how to please her better, he wouldn't let her keep hurting him.

"NO!" Misato yelled loudly. Shinji, shocked at the outburst, actually turned to face her. "Don't say that Shinji! I love you! I truly love you its just…it was just one moment of weakness. I didn't expect him to do what he did, I never wanted to hurt you." Her head was still downcast, bangs obscuring her face. "Being with you was better than being with Kaji ever was emotionally because when the feeling is there it means more. You're feelings, my feelings, and fuck everything was just perfect but I had to go and screw it up."

Rolling away from her, Shinji couldn't take anymore, not so soon. "What's to keep it from happening again though? I couldn't live with it Misato-san, if we tried again and you did that to me again. It hurts so much on a level the Eva has never even came close." His body started drawing up into the fetal position, "hearing Kaji say that you were together, that he planned to marry you, and hearing you now. Misato-san how can I trust you after what you just said to me?"

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it. She had no answer for him. Misato didn't know the pang of betrayal that he did, she didn't do a good job of convey it wouldn't happen again. Splash, splash, tears fell on her balled hands. They wouldn't stop. _I don't deserve another chance…I don't but I WANT ONE! DAMN IT I WANT ONE!_ Getting to her feet, Misato put her hand on Shinji's shoulder, felt him cringe under her touch, and forced him on his back to look at her. "Shin-chan…please…"

Feeling her tears wetting his face, the look in her eyes, and even the way she clenched at the fabric of his cloths told Shinji that right now she meant what she said. _But what if Kaji does whatever he did to her again and this whole deal happens again…Mizuho would have never done this. BUT SHE'S NOT MIZUHO! She is my Misato! _But was she really his? "I…I don't know Misato-san. I need time. Time to think about all of this."

Her fingers couldn't feel anything, she was numb to the world. Just stared into his face and saw her pain mirrored if not intensified in his face. "I…" she said softly before nodding. Letting go of his gown, Misato felt her body moving out of the room, an automatic pilot that was forcing her away from where she wanted to be. _I need to stay! Convince him to give me another chance. I can make it up to him! Prove I…_ But she couldn't even finish the thought.

She'd done nothing but let him care for her, and now she wanted more from him. No, if she wanted another chance she'd have to earn it and hope he was still free for her to take once she did. Leaning her back against the door, Misato knew she heard sobbing coming from the other side. "All I do is case him pain."

X-X

Author Notes

Back in Tokyo-3 with the fallout that he wasn't expecting or hoped for. I hope you enjoyed this fairly emotional chapter. I hope I didn't over do it but then again if you've ever been cheated on you might either sympathize or think it wasn't emotional enough to convey the feelings of being betrayed by the one you gave your heart too.

Next on the docket of writing for me is more novel and What We Make of it X-mas special!

Reviews, opinions, request are all appreciated

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie-at-secondimptact-dot-com)


	16. Knitting Together

Standard Disclaimer

Happy New Years everybody! Yup you got it right your old friend Zentrodie is going to try writing again this year and continue to make realities out of the space between my ears. Sorry for the delay in this update but I hope you find it worth it. Lots of stories I want to write, big ones like my novel and small ones like this story but with work its not giving me a lot of time. But I'm going to try to write more now. Stop wasting time with frivolous things and write more like part of me wants. I won't lie as I'm sure many of you other authors can attest that writing isn't easy but it is rewarding.

Bah enough sentiment lets get going!

X-X

Divergence

Chapter 16 – Knitting Together

She didn't want to wait the full two weeks to question Shinji about his condition but with the last angel attacking just two days after he woke Ritsuko had no choice. She had no idea how Misato could come up with such an insane plan like catching the living bomb with the Eva's AT Fields but it worked and netted the woman a promotion. Now however she sat in one of the sterile observation rooms of Nerv with the nervous looking male pilot seated across from her. Resisting the urge to lick her lips as she anticipated great scientific breakthroughs, Ritsuko bit down on her tongue hard. "So Shinji-kun how are you feeling after another successful mission?"

Never one to like the odd open backed gown that was essential for all physical testing, Shinji squirmed on the white paper sheet that separated him from the observation table. "Well it was a little scary, Misato-san even asked us to write a will before the mission, but it worked so I guess I'm good." Not a full lie but things were feeling a little better for him.

While he hadn't spent much time with Misato, mostly just silent passing in the halls of Nerv or awkward meals at the apartment, things with his other friends was helping a lot. Rei never did come over to visit, Asuka presenting to much of deterrence, but the two did talk at length at school. Touji and Kensuke were supportive and apologized for not visiting him more at the hospital. The strangest thing was how Asuka had changed. The old fire of spurn and jealous streak seemed to have died. She was kind to him, softer, and Shinji felt his resolve weaving. "Things are just a little complicated with other things is all," he said as Ritsuko readied her clipboard.

Nodding at his words but not hearing them, Ritsuko could care less about what small and adolescent problems he was facing. It was Misato's job to look after that aspect of his life so Ritsuko let it slide. "Now I'm going to be honest with you Shinji. I didn't call you here today to test your sync ability in a new way." She saw the shock on his face, his eyes widening and his mouth opening to question her intentions. "I've got questions for you about your time in, you called it withdraw right?"

Looking about the room as the nervous energy in him seemed to explode. His breathing hitched and increased in many small shallow breaths. He wasn't ready to think about that, about Mizuho and Herikawa and all the others in the world he expected now was as real as this one. "What do you want to ask me Akagi-san? I don't…don't remember much." Oh how he wished he was a better liar now, he could see the jovial expression on Ritsuko's face and knew she could tell that he wasn't being truthful.

Despite all she'd become, or her soiling herself with her love affair with the commander, Ritsuko was a scientist of the purest form. And Shinji was presenting her with a treasure trove of experience and options. "Shinji-kun, I'm not trying to scare or hurt you. I have a theory about what has been happening to you. About your split brain waves, your new memories, abilities, and everything that's been happening to you."

He paled. His skin felt cold and clammy as he sat and listened to Ritsuko talk. Had Rei told others about the Mizuho and the rest of what he said to her after he woke? He didn't want to believe it but how else could Ritsuko know. "How do you…did somebody say something to you about…I trusted her." Another betrayal? Was that all other people offered him?

"I've been reviewing your charts ever since the failed weapons test Shinji, nothing more," Ritsuko said quickly. Shinji's near breakdown had been unexpected, was he talking to somebody about this? She'd look into who had the most contact with him and get them to talk. Seeing him calm, only a trifle, the color coming back to his cheeks, she continued. "From your outburst I take it that what I said was true. You are having those feelings Shinji? The feeling your not just you but somebody else?" Her legs rubbed together as she anticipated his words.

Nodding softly Shinji's mind calmed and felt a small degree of shame for having doubted Rei. "Yes I have. I thought I was going mad Ritsuko-san. It…I can't really explain it but it's like I'm on another planet and another person. I have memories of being him just as I have my memories of being me." But as time moved it was more than that, it was something deeper. _I feel like I am both and always was._

Writing a few notes down, Ritsuko stood. "Shinji-kun I have my theory about what happened to you like I said and I want to test it. Would you allow me to perform some tests on you to confirm them? If I'm right it could revolutionize our perception of the world of the universe!" Her voice was full of exuberance, she was close to a breakthrough, or Shinji was on course for a breakdown. _Either way I can make something from this. The data I gathered from his coma might be something we can use too…if I have to just wait for another one._

Answers to what was happening to him? It was too good to believe. Nodding fiercely, Shinji said, "I'll help you Ritsuko-san. If you'll tell me what you find out afterward." If she could understand it, maybe she'd be able to assist him in controlling it, if it were possible. _Will I run though if I can control it? Run from Misato, from Rei, from everybody?_

He didn't know but when Ritsuko said she'd tell him all she knew and lead him to another room where her tests began he didn't care.

X-X

As Shinji's poking and prodding session neared its end, Ayanami Rei stood in the expansive office of the man she gave credit for her life. "Commander you requested my presence?" Her salute was sharp and brief as she knew the commander preferred. She didn't know how to explain it but she had a sense for foreboding regarding the commander as of late. _Since his phone call things have felt strained._

Giving Fuyutsuki a brief nod, Gendo watched his old teacher sigh and leave the room. As he passed Rei the man put his hand on her shoulder and offered a weak smile before walking out. "Rei do you remember what I told you to do regarding the Third Child?"

From his tone Rei couldn't decipher any emotion positive or negative, but from knowing the man she knew why she felt fear. "You requested I distance myself from him but continue to observe him for evidence of a mental break." She was his spy for his son, a job she took initially to please her creator but later changed to friendship and a form of affection. "Have I failed you in my task?"

"I'll be asking the questions pilot Ayanami and you will answer them truthfully," Gendo looked at the puppet he created with disdain. It had disobeyed orders, acted on selfish impulses, and now it was time to reel it in or replace it. Leaning forward and hiding his mouth behind his crested hands, Gendo smirked.

"Sir, I apologize for stepping out of line," Rei saluted again as her sense of fear grew. It was a slow building icicle in her chest spreading out to her arms and legs robbing her of feeling. She knew that she'd betrayed the man to an extant by forming her friendship with Shinji but the joy in having a friend, somebody to connect with had proved to strong for her to resist. "What questions do you have for me?"

His smile grew as he watched Rei fidget under his gaze, his power over her already making her more complacent. "I want you to tell me everything you've learned regarding the Third Child." He was aware of a few secrets that the bug in his hospital room alerted him of but would his toy betray its only friend's confidence?

"Regarding what matters Sir? I am aware of many of the dealings Sh-Ikari-kun has been involved in and would take a great deal of time to go over all of them," why was her voice breaking? She didn't want to tell the commander a lot of what she knew but he was asking her, no ordering her to tell him. _I do not wish to betray Shinji-kun but the commander will not abide disloyalty._

Slapping his opened palm on his desk, earning him a slight jump from Rei, Gendo's brow bore down. "You'll tell me what has transpired between him and the other residence of his apartment. If his breakdown is the result of trauma from the residence it will inhibit his piloting and if he can't pilot he is worthless to Nerv and will need to be removed." And that was true, Gendo needed his son to pilot and nothing else. If Shinji proved worthless on the battlefield he'd be removed if not permanently to prevent a security breech.

For several seconds Rei just looked at the man, reviewing everything in her mind. He wanted to know about the events that lead to the coma to see if it could happen again. A valid reason that would affect their mission to defeat the angels. As commander of Nerv he had the right to know this, to know what she knew. _Shinji would understand, right?_ She wasn't sure but somehow she felt sick as she started to speak. "He was involved with at the time Captain Katsuragi."

"How was he involved with the Major?" Gendo asked knowing full well that the two were in an intimate relationship. He'd heard the tape of Shinji confessing to Rei about Misato's affair personally. "Spare no detail Pilot Ayanami." He might not have to remove her after all, she was doing a splendid job of ratting out her friend.

The sick feeling continued to grow in her, her stomach churned and she could taste bail in the back of her throat but didn't know why. "They were if I recall correctly lovers until Major Katsuragi engaged in a brief sexual encounter with Ryohji Kaji. At present they appear to have broken off their relationship." Why was saying these things even though the commander was looking out for the best interests of everybody making her feel bad?

"Do you believe his condition and his coma have negatively impacted his mind in a manner that will prohibit him from engaging the enemy in combat?" Gendo leaned forward again. His imposing form enveloped the troubled teenager in its shadow. He heard the diatribe his son uttered about some dream world but if he could still pilot he'd not care. What mattered was that the story was given in the belief of strict confidence that Rei wouldn't betray.

Her breath hitched again as she knew again what the commander was striving at. If she told him about the possible delusion Shinji suffered from that he told her about. Again her professional side said that she had to tell the man about it, he had the right as commander to know, but her personally side was finally starting to weigh in. And it was infuriated at her actions. But it didn't stay her tongue. She told the commander everything he asked for. Each comment she made bite her harder and made her feel weaker, more foolish, and a failure.

As her words trickled off she watched as Gendo leaned back in his chair with a small but sick smile on his face. "Excellent Pilot Ayanami, you've served me well in your task at observing the Third Child. I knew I could trust you to serve me before him. Continue to watch his movements but I don't think it will matter. He's to weak to do anything now, betrayed on all sides even by those he thinks are faithful to just him. That is all." He looked at his desk at the report that confirmed all Rei said to him. Everything she said he knew already but the test was of her resolve and she failed to keep Shinji's secrets. She was his puppet still.

With one last salute Rei walked out of Gendo's office on unsteady legs. Her mind raged against her for betraying Shinji's confidence. Her eyes stung her and as she reached up to try to stave off what was affecting them she found a tear. She had shed a solitary tear. _Is it because…because I have betrayed my only friend? Did I betray him?_ While she didn't realize it at first, thinking back on the meeting with the commander it hit her after she got home.

Sitting in her apartment looking at the picture Shinji gave her of the two of them in one of the countless photo booth's everything fell into place in her mind. The commander's questions were too guided and precise to have been random. He knew everything prior to her arriving in his office. He had been testing her to see where her loyalties lied, and she had proven they didn't lie with the son but the father. _Soryu was correct I am just a doll._

Unable to look at the photo any longer she tore it into tiny pieces and flushed them down her toilet. "I am unworthy of such a treasure as a friend. I will no doubt cause problems for him for what I have done." She'd be the scapegoat. Rei could see the report coming out already from the commander's office of Shinji's mental problems stemming from a relationship with Misato with her name sited as the source. "What have I done?"

X-X

"You don't have to cook for me Ikari-kun, I wasn't planning on staying long I promise," Hikari waved her hands frantically as Shinji headed off towards the kitchen. She'd came to see how Asuka was doing, Hikari didn't know why Asuka was so much happier the last few days but she wanted to know, and now she was trying to keep Shinji from adding more food to the banquet.

Donning his apron and tying the strands behind his back, Shinji fired back "But it's no trouble Hokari-san. Misato hasn't been eating at home lately and so her portion usually goes to either Pen-Pen or the garbage." He smiled despite himself as he recalled the birds first reaction to the extra food that of exuberance. "And it'd be nice to have a little new company for supper."

"Ok if you swear its no extra work for you," Hikari said as Asuka gave her a small punch in the arm and a grin. Following behind her German friend, Hikari quickly found self on the seldom used now couch. "So Asuka what's gotten into you lately you just seem so…different."

Spying the kitchen door to make sure the cook was busy Asuka sat close up to her friend and whispered in conspiratorial tones. "Ever since Shinji's woken up he's been nicer to me. Like the whole party didn't happen. I'm going to ask him out again and this time I'm sure he'll take me up on it." What else could have explained it? Shinji just seemed to be more responsive to her now. Her occasional touches when the did share the couch, shoulder to shoulder, his tone was more friendly, and just more pleasing to her than he was before.

Hikari's blush spread across her cheeks like wildfire. She'd be so afraid that after the drunken admission that Shinji'd been put off. A giddy fire erupted in her belly as Asuka's smile was contagious and she found herself wanting to know more. "So…what are you going to do? Should…should I leave now or something?" Asuka needed somebody there for her and Hikari bet that Shinji would do her right. _And here I thought that with all his time with Ayanami that those two would be dating soon._

Wrapping an arm around her friend's shoulder Asuka put her feet up on the end table and grabbed the television remote. Turning it on to a random drama show laughed happily. "Nah, don't worry about it right now. I think he's a little upset that Misato's been gone a lot lately and the food he makes is wasted. You should see him looking at the lush's plate when she doesn't come home. I swear he looks so upset so you'll actually help me by being here." It felt too good to be true. She'd goaded him with simply smiles, jokes, and just letting go. She let go of her aura of supremacy around him, let herself be herself around him, and found that he responded to it. She could be the real her, weak and strong, and he didn't judge her. _I think that I really do love him…that it's not like the crush I had on Kaji._

Feeling a little odd with Asuka's arm around her much like Touji did when they watched movies together, Hikari just let Asuka do what she wanted. The heat generated by the girl was something Hikari actually found soothing. "I'm glad for you Asuka. I hope things work out for you two. So what are you going to do?" Taking a cue from her friend Hikari put her own legs up on the table.

"Do about what?" Shinji asked as he sat down on the chair next to the couch after setting to cans of soda on the table by each of the girls' feet. Sinking into the comforting chair, Shinji could see both of the others almost glowing. _She's planning something again but this time I don't think I'll mind. Misato is going out of her way to avoid me so why do I still care? _As much as he tried to crush his feelings for the lovely purple haired woman he couldn't finish it off. The silent passing in the halls stoked the flame again and brought the pain back. "And don't you two look comfortable."

Reaching out with the hand not around Hikari, Asuka got her drink and fell back against the couch. "That project for physics. I'm planning on writing a thesis about the expanding universe theory." True in a degree but a lie in context, Asuka wasn't going to ruin things this time by acting on impulse or booze. "And what are you cooking it smells great."

Feeling left out of the conversation as the roommates continued to share small talk between them, Hikari marveled at the change in Asuka. The edge was their but tempered. She was actually being sweet to Shinji, he was joking back with her! Both of them just clicked in a way that made Hikari envious if not jealous that her relationship with Touji wasn't on the same level. Trying to break into the dialogue, "So what are Touji and you going to do for the project?"

Rubbing the back of his head, Shinji laughed a trifle. "Well I want to do something simple like the effects of heat and cold on different elements he still is trying to pitch calculating the force of a basket ball on the ground and against a backboard." Shinji guessed correctly that Touji just wanted to play the game and let Shinji do the work. "Yourself?"

Before Hikari was given the option of opening her mouth however the buzzer on the stove went off singling the cooks need to retreat once again. "Sorry about that I'll be back in a few minutes." He got up and ran to make sure his food hadn't been ruined due to negligence.

"Oh my God Asuka, Shinji-kun seems so different around you now…what did you do?" Hikari alternated between looking at the kitchen door and her friend. Shinji had shocked her with his slightly more open and more mature attitude. _But something seemed a little off to me._ Something was a little to easy about the change, seemed a little bit of an act or self-deception.

Her smile widening Asuka drank the rest of her soda and crushed the can in her hand. "That my dear Hikari is why I've been so happy lately. I think that after you leave tonight I'm going to confess to him again. No gimmicks, no plans, and nothing that could go wrong. Just flat out tell him. He's been down after that incident he was in but he's gotten a lot better. You just saw it. He's not always this chipper but I think its time." Stretching her feet further out Asuka was the picture of relaxation outside. Inside her nerves were bubbling and fretting as she reviewed what she wanted to say again and again. _I'm going to show Misato what it means to actually care for somebody._

The meal was served twenty minutes later and Hikari asked Shinji for the recipe and tips on how he did it. After the trio headed to the living room and played Asuka's game console, her winning almost every match. They had a simple yet enjoyable night together and as Hikari waved goodbye to the pair she hoped the phone call she was promised the next day held good things.

X-X

What she expected after shift was over was another night in her quiet apartment. Maybe listen to Asuka cozy up to Shinji, if he knew she was hitting on him or not Misato didn't know, but what she got was an energetic call from Ritsuko demanding to go out to drink with her after her shift. Sure drinking was planned for the day but in the solitude of her room as she tried to kill her thoughts that yelled at her for not going and trying to talk to Shinji again. Sitting in the lavish bar that she only frequented with Ritsuko and in earlier times Kaji, Misato was glad that Ritsuko was doing most of the talking.

"Did you hear me Misato? This could revolutionize our understanding of everything! The world isn't what we think it is! All I need to do is run a few more tests and I might really have something here!" Ritsuko's animated voice and gestures on other days would have set Misato off into a tirade of giggles and laughs but right now didn't do a thing for her.

Sipping her drink, the burn wasn't there like it used to be, Misato rolled her eyes. "Look Ritsuko all you've done since we got here is talk about some mystery test that is so great that you'll win an award for it. What the hell do I care about it for?" She hadn't really listened to the doctor prattle on about her precious tests. _I haven't felt happy since…_

Taking a shot to help dampen her anxiety, Ritsuko balked. "Misato! You're not listening. Shinji might just prove the idea of parallel universes! Had Maya not noticed the duel sync patterns we might have missed this break through! It was such a long shot but it might very well be true!" As sync technology was only performed at Nerv, Ritsuko realized, had anybody else had such a thing happen to them science would never have found out. Likely have believed the victim was just insane. "We're incredibly lucky and all you can do is sit here and pine after the guy you drove off."

"I didn't drive him off!" Misato fired back as she set the glass down. "Not fully anyway. I'm going to try and fix it with him! And what were you saying about Shinji?" Her mind was fuzzy and muddled as her intake started to affect her reasoning. _Was he her little guinea pig? Is that it?_ She rubbed her eyes and shook her head attempted to make sense of things.

Lighting up a cigarette Ritsuko felt a rush that she hadn't felt in a long time. It was joy. Her life was finally taking a turn and she had Shinji to thank for it. "Look Misato I'm going to level with you about this. You've went on and on about how great this guy was but what did you do? You went back to Kaji." Misato's eyes shot open as her secret was exposed. "He told me before you think anything weird. So you have to realize that as much as you claimed you liked that guy you must not have. Go back to Kaji and get over this. I'm tired of watching you drink yourself into a stupor. Shinji and Asuka need you clear headed ok? Especially now that through Shinji we might make scientific history!"

Her forehead creased as she scrunched it tightly, grinded her teeth together, and felt a lurch in her stomach. "I don't love Kaji Ritsuko!" Her yell got the attention of other patrons. "I…love…Shinji! Ok do you hear me! That damn bastard Kaji ruined things between me and him."

The lit cigarette dropped from Ritsuko's limp lips. "What did you just say?" Was it the booze messing with her mind? Was Misato being serious? It had to be another Shinji. "Misato you don't mean what I think you do…right?"

Spinning on her seat, facing away from the bar, Misato cocked her head back and laughed. "Oh did I finally let it slip?" Her eyes glazed over as she couldn't hold back the emotions anymore. "You heard right. Shinji Ikari and I are well were in love. I still love him you see but I'm sure he hates me after all I've done to him." Making him do things to her he wasn't emotionally ready for but did for her, taking care of her, and standing by as she took Kaji into her.

Her happiness seemed to leak out of her and into the atmosphere. Ritsuko couldn't believe what she was hearing. Adding all the stories of Misato's mystery boyfriend and putting Shinji's face on it made her sick. Shinji was a minor and Misato his guardian and from all the stories she heard from her friend the two had sex. "You slept with…all this time it was Shinji?" She wanted it to be a joke, needed it to be one.

Misato's head dipped, her chin resting on her chest for a few moments seemingly asleep. "Yeah we did. He was so gentle and timid but wanted to make me happy so was willing. I loved it even though he wasn't very skilled at first. What I felt for him, from him made up for that you see." Her head shot up scaring Ritsuko thinking Misato was having a seizure. "But in one fell swoop I ruined it!" Misato's hand flung out and sent her half full glass across the room where it shattered on another groups table.

"He missy you better get your friend and get out of here," the bartended said as he quickly ran from behind the bar to tend to the accosted patrons.

Slipping her arm around Misato's back and up to her armpit, Ritsuko pulled the drunken woman off her stool and led her to the door. "Misato," she started but didn't have words to go with it. Misato's broken face haunted her to look at. She could see the hurt and pain in her friend's sunken eyes. _I guess she does love him, but to love a teenager? _Setting Misato into her car and walking around to the driver's side, Ritsuko stopped and looked up at the crescent moon and thought.

Was it really that bad for Misato to be with Shinji? The initial shock was wearing off and it still felt a little wrong to her, but seeing Shinji and Misato she couldn't really feel that bad about the two of them. "And my love life is worse if you think about it," she muttered as she got into the car and spared a moment to see Misato's closed eyes, the even breaths coming in and out a clear sign she was sleeping. "You always had to make things difficult."

X-X

Woken up after midnight by the loud knocking on the apartment door, Shinji opened it while standing on groggy legs. The night had been very pleasant for him even after Hikari left. Asuka and he watched another movie after which Asuka said she wanted to ask him something then after a few moments of silence asked if he wanted a snack. He did and the two made popcorn before Asuka retired to her room for the rest of the nigh. He'd not know how close she came to asking him out only to lose her nerve. "Who is it?"

"Oh sorry Shinji-kun, it's just you see," Ritsuko gestured to the half awake woman in her arms. "She had a little too much and I don't know where her keys are." For some reason Ritsuko couldn't make eye contact with the boy she now knew had slept with her friend. "Take care of her?"

Finding Misato in such a drunken state was shock enough to steal his sleepiness and bring him back to being fully awake. "Um sure Akagi-san. Not to press but did you learn anything yet about the tests?" He clumsily took Misato out of Ritsuko's hold and supported the wobbling woman. The feel of her against his body bringing back pleasant memories of the past but he fought to keep them down.

"A few things yes but I want to double check them and do a little more work. I'll have more in a few days. You take care of her now, I have to go." She walked away faster than she wanted to but she just didn't know what to make of things yet. It was to fresh and uneasy on her mind, but she didn't have any right to say anything. Yet.

Shutting the door, Shinji shifted Misato's weight and wrapped her arm around his shoulder's to better distribute the center of gravity. "What have you been doing to yourself Misato-san?" he asked not expecting the unstable woman to answer and he wasn't mistaken.

On unsteady legs, Shinji slowly walked/dragged Misato to her room, breathing deeply in the lavender perfume she always wore and the mingling scent of alcohol. It sickened him how much he loved that smell. He hated how nice she felt against him, and how painful being away from her was. _Here I love Misato, there I love Mizuho. Here I am Shinji, there I am Kei. I am both and I'm neither._

Opening her door with his foot, Shinji shambled in and stood before Misato's futon, a place that held many confusing memories and emotions for him. As he was about to lean down and put Misato into her bedding for the night she nuzzled his neck with her nose, her leg started to grind softly against his.

"Misato-san you should stop that and get some sleep ok?" his voice was uneven and stuttering. It felt nice but he wasn't ready to forgive her yet, this was to fast. But he wanted to forget all about Kaji and her encounter. He wanted things like they used to be.

Wrapping her arms around his smaller body, pulling the boy into a reluctant hug, Misato squeezed him hard. "Love you Shin-chan…sorry. I…nother chance. Better this time." Her drunken words slurred together as she let her hands roam over his back as she let her higher mass slowly push him down on the futon.

Fighting back as best he could, Shinji tried to free himself from Misato's grip. Her hands moving to fast and to strong for him to catch up with and pull free. "Please stop Misato, this isn't right. Not after…" This is why he couldn't trust her, she was to driven by the moment, and alcohol fueled decisions that led to the bed and the sedation of another of her needs.

With Shinji pinned underneath her, Misato propped herself up on weakened arms. She looked down lovingly at the fearful face of her ex-lover. "I fucked up…n'ver gain. I love you Shin…" her arms finally gave out and she fell on top of the boy, her head in the crook of his neck as her breaths came out again slowly and steadily.

Her chest moved up and down softly and Shinji just let the sensation wash over him. "Sleep well Misato-san," he knew he couldn't get out from his prison until she moved, and she didn't move that entire night. He laid there and thought hard about what to do. Mid-way through the night he wrapped his arms around her body and shared her warmth. "We'll try one more time…just one more. Please don't hurt me again though," he whispered in her ear as she dreamt. He was afraid, terribly afraid that he was making a mistake, but they came to far for him to not give her one more chance. One last chance.

X-X

Author Notes

Forgiveness is possible even for the most grievous sins. But you have to be sorry. Is Misato sorry? Is Rei sorry? Well you'll have to read the next and likely last chapter of this story. That's right the conclusion is right around the corner and I hope you enjoy it.

Ja Mata

Zentrodie(zentrodie-at-secondimpact-dot-com)


	17. Choices

Standard Disclaimer

Well all things have to end eventually and this my dear readers is the end of Divergence. I hit everything I wanted to with this story and then some. It's a good idea to always start a story with the end in mind and this is where I wanted to end this particular story. Want to thank all of you that stuck with me and this oddity for the couple of years it took me from inception to completion.

X-X

Divergence

Chapter – 17

The Hardest Choice

Walking up with a stinging hangover, Misato didn't notice at first the warmth being generated underneath her. Keeping her eyes shut, she just tried to recall what had happened again to her in the drunken stupor she'd been wallowing in. _Ritsuko said something about a test with Shinji and then she brought up Kaji and…_The rest was a blur of hazy words and something about throwing her glass at somebody's table. "Hell I need to do something about this, its killing me to not be with him," she muttered.

Then she heard it and it caused her heart to jump in her chest, light snoring. _Not again! Oh please God if you exist please don't have had me slept with somebody else._ Some stupid guy that saw her as weak with booze and opted to play the gentleman until she took her panty's off. "I couldn't even hope to ask for forgiveness if I did it again." She wanted to look at the offending male but she just couldn't. The hands she registered as being wrapped around her just above her waistline where slim though and somehow familiar. "I…can't…"

Acting against her brain's wishes her eyes cracked open and her mysterious date was unveiled. "Sh-Shin-chan?" she asked the sleeping boy whose face was blissful and serene in its state of slumber. "Shin-chan wake up please…please." She started to shake Shinji gently to rouse him, she had to talk to him, to slay the fears that she dragged him into her room against his wishes and dashed the last hope she had at reconciliation.

"Mmm…Misa-chan five more minutes," Shinji muttered as he tried to turn his head away from the still alcohol stained breath. But the shaking continued, the gentle touch giving way to something more desperate. "Fine…fine I'm up," he groaned as he opened his eyes and realization dawned on him much like it had on Misato. He was still laying under her, her arms on either side of his head as she gazed down on him with worry and shame.

Opening her mouth to speak nothing came out at first, her lips moved but no sound emanated from them. He was to calm, to happy, for her to have done anything that she feared to him. But what did that mean? What did it mean for them? "Shinji, about last night…about US what happened?"

From his captive position between her arms at his sides and her body atop him, Shinji's face hardened. She'd forgotten everything about her dragging him in and confessing and asking for forgiveness. For a moment he was going to rescind his decision to forgive her and give her one last chance, but only a moment. Her face spoke to much of regret for her actions for him to punish her again, and he wanted to be with her so bad it hurt. "I forgave you Misato-san. Ritsuko-san brought you home drunk and when I got you in here you said you loved me, said you wanted another chance. I'm going to give you…give us one more chance Misato-san. But if you hurt me like that again…betray me again I don't think I have it in me to do it again."

The sting was still present from what Misato and Kaji did but Shinji wanted to try again. He loved Misato as a person not just a collection of pleasing body parts. The good had to be accepted with the bad, and Misato's bad was her crutch of booze and sex. Dragging his eyes away from Misato's lovely brown eyes, he saw her arm twitch and buckle.

He was going to let her try again, to do what she should have done from the start and what he had been doing all along. Change for the person she cared for, be what she wanted to be FOR him and not just take. Her body heated up as the joy she felt radiated out from her like fire. Lowing herself so she was laying comfortably on his chest, Misato felt tears of joy wet Shinji's face. "Oh thank you Shin-chan. I-I wanted to ask you to forgive me so many times that I lost count. I love you…I know it's not right but I do." She started peppering his face with feather light kisses.

"I'll make it up to you this time Shinji. I won't let you be the only one trying to contribute. I just let you care for me…do what I wanted and never thought of your needs and wants but not this time." Her body started to slowly grind against his and both of them started to feel the longing to be with the other, it'd been so long for both of them to be with a true lover that even Shinji's body responded by acting before Misato and sealing her lips with his own.

Both of their minds mirrored the same thought. _I missed him/her so much. This is what things should have been like._ Regretfully pulling herself away from Shinji's more than willing lips, Misato sat on Shinji's stomach lightly and looked down with a sultry smile. "This time it'll work, this time its forever." Pulling her shirt off and showing her well shaped bra-clad chest to Shinji, Misato wondered for a moment if he wasn't going along just to please her, but a pressure building against her bottom dissuaded her.

As she drew Shinji's hands up to her body, both of them felt a chill as her door opened and a sleepy Asuka walked in. "What's going on in…" Asuka's jaw slackened as she saw the two in more than just a light intimate embrace. _He…He and…her…but what about us! She has Kaji and I was…NOO!_ Things started to click in her mind now. The puzzle that was Shinji's action took on new light. Her head swiveled back and forth like a fan powering down. "Its not fair…not fair," she babbled as she took steps back.

"Asuka its…not what it…looks," Misato tried to lie but what else could it have been? Was she going to say Shinji was just going to give her a breast exam or something equally stupid that nobody would believe?

"WHORE!" Asuka screamed and ran from the room, ran from the apartment, ran from the bitch that took not one man from her but two and the bastard that had her heart in his hand and seemingly threw it away.

Her itch doused with the discovery of their act, Misato sighed heavily. "Guess we'll also not have to hide it this time because I'm sure Asuka is going to tell everybody. Shinji are you ok with that?" Her eyes never left the door where Asuka's hurt filled expression still lingered in a ghostly image. Getting no response she asked again, "Shinji are you sure you're going to be ok with everybody knowing your seeing me, they might not take to it to well." Hell she doubted many of her friends would look at her the same way again.

Still no reply, "Shinji?" Misato asked finally looking down at the boy's body. The joy that had still be inside her regardless of Asuka's sudden intrusion drained as she saw the new change. Shinji's eyes were closed, a small trickle of drool trailed down his mouth, while blood seeped out of his nose. "SHINJI!"

X-X

Wiping his face with a damp towel, Mizuho didn't know what to feel at the moment. She was afraid, lonely, angry, and sad all at the same time. Her husband had withdrawn again and it was the fourth day into it, but Mizuho now knew it wasn't normal withdraw. He was there again, he was in Tokyo-3 with that woman that could be called a rival but wasn't. "You'll come back won't you Kei, I need you to come back."

Kei's body didn't respond to either the words or the cleaning his wife was administering. He wasn't even there the body was just an empty shell. The soul that was Kusinagi Kei was with its other part far away from any type of touch.

Breaking down sobbing, Mizuho threw herself on Kei's body and beat her fists against his chest that rose and fell as if it were machine controlled. Her mother had finally got the answers she needed and told her daughter with as much regret as possible. Having lost her own husband, Hatsuho wisely left Mizuho to deal with the pain that she was feeling. Give her time to accept what was happening then come to add comfort after the crying had subsided.

"You promised you stay with me Kei…you have to stay with me. You said that Misato woman cheated on you so you shouldn't stay there…come home Kei," she cried against his cheek. Damn them, damn the other people that she could never see or interact with but were responsible for the situation they were in. There was hope but it was dwindling with each passing moment. Time was running out for Kei and Shinji and the choice had to be made soon or neither would survive.

Standing up and giving her husband a soft kiss on the forehead, Mizuho left their bedroom for the report still sitting on her desk. She'd read the three-hundred page report twice already and she was going to start the third now. She'd taken personal time and had a substitute covering for her at school she'd never be able to focus anyway. "There has to be a way besides…" she said to herself as she opened the report again.

_Cross Dimensional Contamination – Causes and Repercussions_

Reading the detailed account of what Hatsuho was lead to believe happed to her husband caused Mizuho to curse fate. The report gave the facts and Mizuho had to reluctantly agree that they all matched. Two brainwave patterns, altering sets of personalities and memories, skills that shouldn't be possessed, and the most frightening of all and the most over looked periods of dormancy or catatonic state.

What Mizuho had thought was Kei withdrawing was in reality the sling back of the Kei's persona to the alternate universe in which she believe he was now. Being of a more advanced race, Mizuho had known of the existence of parallel universes for a long time, but the interaction of said universes was nil if non-existent. From the report only a handful of the cases existed like her husband. All we the result of black hole technology testing.

_The wave pattern must be weakened or its ties to the physical plane thinned. This must also occur while an alternate pattern matching exactly to that of the affected must suffer the same accident. If the patterns are similar enough, as in the case on Proxima Centurie the affect will have no consequence as the patterns are so similar there is no dissonance._

_However if the wave patterns are slightly different and a dissonance is formed the affected is left with only one choice for survival. As in these cases, such as the Jurain case, the wave patterns are in a flux between the two universes. While the merged pattern is in plane-A the body on plane-B is dormant and vise versa. The strain on the pattern will continue to grow until the body breaks down and the individual dies in both planes. As the pattern weakens the flux between dimensions will increase in occurrence but decrease in duration until it is so weak it cannot maintain either existence. The only cure is to prevent the flux is by killing one of the two bodies while the pattern is occupying the other body. _

The science that proved the 'pattern' as it said was all proven over the span of several decades. Only seven cases in known history existed, but that made Mizuho laugh. In the sum of infinite possibility and infinite universes how many times did she have to read this document? Not many by the sounds of it. "Patterns and fluxes and all this…why can't they just call it what it really is?"

It was the merging of souls, but not foreign souls. Due to the uncontrolled nature of the universe and the infinite variables that created a life Mizuho KNEW that 'Shinji' was how the universe he came from was actually Kei and the same went for Kei. The pattern as the document stated was actually a soul. A soul had to have its tie to reality weakened, for Kei that was withdraw and for Shinji it was the weapon test. They both had their ties weakened, they were both the same 'soul', and they merged. But the lives they lived were so different that a schism was formed as both tried make themselves dominant in their mind.

Laughing softly as she set the digital reader back down, Mizuho had to wonder. "Maybe I'm this Misato person after all. In that place where he goes and I can't follow, maybe she is what I would have been if I had raised there and suffered as she had." It was possible, all things were, and in a way calmed her mind that even when 'she' wasn't with Kei a version of her was with him. "Guess I can't call him an adulterer then can I?" she laughed again to try and calm her raging and frazzled nerves.

A sudden crash came from the bedroom as Kei lurched out clutching his head in pain, a broken lamp crunched under his feet. "Mizu-chan…it hurts…it hurts so bad," Kei fell into Mizuho's waiting arms, her own fear given form as she couldn't deny the truth anymore, Kei's body was breaking down under the stress of these shifts. He smiled through his pain at her as she rubbed his back, "I m-missed you."

X-X

"Just what the hell is happening to him Ritsuko? Look at him he's dying!" Misato yelled at the resident doctor. Just when things were getting better for her and him this had to happen? Was it a relapse of the coma, but why? After seeing him bleeding, Misato had amazed herself with how quickly she could move. Ten minutes after Asuka had fled Misato had Shinji over her shoulder and rushing to her car. Driving at speeds that even scared her, she got to Nerv in record time and dragged Ritsuko to his side.

Reading the preliminary results, Ritsuko shook her head slowly. "I don't really know what's happening to him Misato. I can run this data through the Magi and have them try and decipher it but with what I know now I might have a theory." After dropping Misato off to the waiting arms of her young lover, Ritsuko headed back to Nerv to finish her research on Shinji's tests. They proved conclusive that Shinji had breached the known confines of their universe. His condition now was likely the result of it.

"I'm all ears Ritsuko, tell me what is wrong with him," she gazed at his now sleeping body and couldn't help but see the difference from what she saw in the morning. When it was back at their apartment he had an air of happiness about him but now he just looked like a stage prop, a fake or robotic person. "We can't stand to lose a pilot at this point," she tried to cover not remembering how she actually confessed to Ritsuko the night before.

The lie brought a grin to Ritsuko's face, "So you forgot already did you?" While it was humorous in an odd light, but Ritsuko's real reason for asking was a stalling tactic. She had to think of a way to describe the situation to Misato in a way she'd be able to understand. _Something simple or she'll never understand._

"Forgot what?" Misato fumbled at Ritsuko's misdirection. Much of the last twelve hours was a haze for her. "What are you talking about?"

Thankful for the few moments to plan, Ritsuko walked to her console and started inputting Shinji's data. "You told me last night Misato at the bar. You forgot that?" Maybe it wasn't that Misato forgot and she had just bee playing with her? In the back of her mind, Ritsuko hoped that was the case. The notion of a full grown woman in a relationship with a teenager still sounded off. But as she allowed herself to digest it, apply herself to Misato's situation it didn't sound 'that' bad anymore.

Rubbing her brow in frustration, Misato ground her teeth, "Look I forgot ok. I drank a lot last night and really can't remember. So stop dicking with me and just tell me. Ok?" Now wasn't the time for joking around anyway as her lover lay in some sort of coma with no readily available causes to blame it on.

"You told me about your relationship with Shinji last night," Ritsuko said which caused Misato's face to turn ashen white. Gears turned in her mind and the last puzzle piece was fit into place. Misato did love Shinji, genuinely loved the boy. The stories Misato told were true and it also might have explained how Shinji passed out after Kaji announced his plans. "Hey you were drunk and I was trying to help you out. I suggested you give Kaji a call and you freaked out. Threw you drink at some people and announced to everybody that you loved him."

Her bladder increased in size if felt like, her back teeth were floating. "I didn't…really tell you did I?" Asuka was one thing but a whole bar of strangers was another, but which was worse Misato didn't know.

Nodding briefly, Ritsuko turned from the computer and patted Misato's shoulder comfortingly. "You did but for what its worth I hope you work this out. While I might not agree with this whole mess you're both entitled to some happiness I guess." Misato's grin didn't really reach her eyes but the woman tried. Turning back to the monitor, Ritsuko saw the Magi's returned analysis of all of Shinji's test data and she matched Misato's earlier pale skin. "Oh my God."

It was the tone of Ritsuko's voice and not the words that tipped Misato off that something was seriously wrong. Usually the blonds tone was flat and without any hinting emotion but this was something that just screamed bad. "What is it Ritsuko, what do the tests say? What is wrong with him," she started babbling as hysteria started to sink in.

Feeling Misato's grip on her shoulders tighten brought Ritsuko back to reality. She was going to have to say something now because the results were dire. Shaking off the strong grip so she could look the haggard woman in the eyes, Ritsuko was at a loss for how to start. "It's bad Misato, really bad."

"How bad, what do you mean by bad…I mean he's just sleeping right we just have to wake him up." Misato said alternating her view from Shinji's body to Ritsuko's face. "He is just sleeping right?"

"No he's not sleeping Misato. That body is basically an empty vessel." Ritsuko hoped to see comprehension in Misato but didn't. "Ok let me start at the beginning ok?" Misato's nod was all Ritsuko got. Grabbing a rubber band, Ritsuko bit the tiny rubber piece and turned it into a thin rubber string. "See this string Misato? Picture everything above the line as Tokyo-3."

"Tokyo-3, here above the line is Tokyo-3 got it," Misato didn't know where this was leading but it had to go someplace that frightened her friend.

Waiting for Misato's breath to calm a little, Ritsuko started to worry that she might need some tranquilizers to keep Misato calm and manageable. "Ok and every below the line is a different Tokyo, the place where Kei Kusinagi came from." A small light in Misato's eye twinkled, "Remember how I said Shinji might prove the parallel universe theory, this is how." Setting the rubber band down Ritsuko grabbed a piece of paper.

While Ritsuko worked on the paper, Misato tried to make sense of the equation handed to her. "So…Shinji's mind is in some other universe right now? That's just too impossible to happen. I doubt any universe, if this theory of yours is right, has soulless bodies just laying about." Her head started to hurt as she tried to imagine the proposed scenario.

Holding the paper up so Misato could see it, Ritsuko didn't expect Misato to understand the whole thing just yet. "That's now how it is. Look at this paper," she pointed to a dot that had Shinji's name over it on one half and another dot with Kei's name over it on the other. "Normally life goes on exactly as we know it to. We're born, age, and then die right? Right. But when Shinji experimented using the cannon all those months ago that changed for him." She folded the paper so the two dots overlapped.

"During the test he was subjected to a type of physics we have no idea of understanding or what affects it has on people. At the same time something must have happened to that Kei kid and the two of them…merged in some way." She emphasized it by dropping some water over the two dots so the ink smeared together forming a larger discolored blob.

Her forehead scrunching in confusion Misato was starting to understand things but it was hard. "So what does that mean now…that he's going to keep doing this for the rest of his life? Going to some other place and then coming back like nothing happened?" Could she live with him like that? She wanted to think she could but it was so frightening to see him just pass out so suddenly she didn't know if her heart could handle it.

Handing Misato one end of the torn rubber band, Ritsuko's face grew even more saddened. "It's not that simple Misato. Remember how I said the top was here and the bottom there?" Misato nodded again, "Well what's happening is this." She pulled the rubber band down with her free hand and let it go, causing the line to vibrate up and down rapidly and slowly mellow back out and come to a rest.

"I don't get it? What does that mean?" Misato said again as she let go of her end.

Dropping the used prop on the ground, Ritsuko would bet Misato understood a lot more than she was willing to believe. But to believe would be to abandon hope. "Like the rubber band this started off with long periods in each side, top and bottom, but as time goes on it things out but moves to the other side faster and faster. Eventually…" Ritsuko trolled off.

"Eventually what Ritsuko, what's going to happen when he stops moving back and forth?" Misato pulled Ritsuko so close to her that her breath was fogging Ritsuko's glasses. "What happens after that?"

Turning her head, unable to keep her eyes on Misato's, Ritsuko bite the bullet. "He, no they, will die. You saw how his body was when this coma started. His body is unable to cope with the switching, I'd think the same for his mind as well. The Magi have one view on how to possibly stop the process before it kills them both."

Hope returned to Misato's face, if there was an option she'd take it. Anything was worth doing at this point, she had to make amends for her sins and she was going to start now. "What do we have to do to save him Ritsuko? I almost lost him once and I won't risk it again. He's done to much for me for me to give up on him now." She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair.

"We have to convince him to have Kei's body killed while he's over here," Ritsuko's tone was shame filled. "One of the bodies has to die while the merged mind is on the other side. By severing the link to the other it will force him to stay. It's the only way and it might not even work. All this is theoretical and…"

Misato's hand hurt from the sting of the slap she just delivered to her friend. Ritsuko's head bobbled and weaved about. "This is all your damn fault! Your stupid experiment did this…and now you want us to convince Shinji to have himself killed!" If what Ritsuko was saying was half true it meant that Shinji was alive as this Kei person someplace else, that he'd have to die there. While she wanted him with her forever it still was appalling to think of convincing somebody to partially commit suicide.

Her cheek throbbed and she could taste blood in her mouth, but she still thought she got off easy. It was all her fault, more so than Misato would ever know. "Sorry Misato but it's the only way and I don't think we have much time. The Magi think he has very little time left. If I were you I'd sit by his side and wait for him to come back and when he does do anything you can to make him stay."

X-X

Hikari just sat and listened as Asuka vented her frustration and sadness. She couldn't believe it at first, that Shinji was actually in a relationship with his guardian, but as Asuka continued to talk it made more and more sense. Kaji shows up one day saying he was with Misato and going to marry her, Shinji faints, and when he wakes up he's more responsive to Asuka. It was simple, he was hurt by his girlfriend and Asuka's nicer actions to him allowed him to see other options, but from what Asuka said she acted to slow. "So what are you going to do now Asuka?"

Her shoulders slumped over, Asuka leaned back against the wall letting her feet fall off Hikari's bed where she sat. "I don't know Hikari. I really don't. Shinji just…I could be myself with him. Everybody else I have to have my feeling of superiority to be stronger than them. But with him it was different. I didn't mind being weak." Her pride took a hit to. She wasn't good enough for him, Misato had stolen him from her and all along she was worried about the doll doing it.

Taking a seat next to her friend, Hikari put an arm around her shoulder. "It'll be ok Asuka. You can have anybody you wanted in our class right. You'll find another guy you like in no time." The words were hollow to both of them, but what else could she really say?

"What if I don't want just some other guy? What if I want somebody that understands me, cares for me, and lets me be the person I want to be. He did all of that and I treated him like shit for so long. No wonder he didn't want to be…that he chose her." Asuka's head dipped further down. Just another failure in her life of steady losses.

Before she could even fathom what she was doing, Hikari was kissing Asuka's cheek. She couldn't stand to see Asuka beating up on herself like this, to be wallow in defeat that didn't exist. Pulling back, her face mimicked the shock on Asuka's. "Don't say that Asuka. It just wasn't in the cards but had things been different I'm sure you two would have been a great couple." Her lips tingled with the sensation of Asuka's skin and Hikari couldn't deny how nice it felt.

Rubbing at the phantom kiss lightly, Asuka looked at Hikari in a brand new light, weighing if it was a good or bad thing. "What did you do that for Hikari? You're not just messing with me are you?" Yeah she was emotional because of what she saw but Asuka wasn't going to do something even more stupid and regret it.

Fumbling with her hands that laid in her lap, Hikari had no words of defense for her actions. "I did it Asuka because I realized something the other day. When I was over and you were talking about how you were going to confess to Shinji-kun. I realized I love seeing you happy. You're my best friend, I'd do anything for you and now I'm doing this." She put her hands on Asuka's shoulder and forced her to look her in the eye. "All those things you said you wanted…I can be them for you. I understand you, I care for you, and I don't care how you act. Maybe I'm not as good as Shin…"

Asuka made her choice about if what Hikari did was good or bad. She leaned in and kissed her friend. A line was crossed that she had never envisioned before, maybe it was just confusion because of her jilted first love and aborted second, but maybe this was a viable option. They'd try it, see if they liked it or how it worked. After Asuka broke off from Hikari, the two sat in silence for a few minutes to think about how they liked what they just did.

Both would conclude that it was good, a little odd, but good. Hikari said she'd been planning to break things off with Touji for a little while now, which was true as the reality of the boy didn't live up to the dreams she had made about him. They'd try being together for a while and re-evaluated it later or stop if one didn't feel good about it. Holding onto Hikari's hand as they watched a movie, Asuka could feel the difference in her. With pain comes knowledge, she'd been hurt twice by misplaced affection but this time it felt different. She wasn't the one perusing she was the perused and it was wonderful.

X-X

"Kei I understand this has to be hard for you to accept but it's the only way," Mizuho cried out as her husband walked away from her his face a mask of indifference. "These shifts will continue until you die in both places anyway. The next time you shift to this Tokyo-3 you have to tell them t-to kill your body so you can stay here." She was being selfish she knew but to hell with those other people.

Finding a spot on the horizon on the other side of the lake, Shinji didn't know what to say. "So I just abandon humanity to die over there then? I have the responsibility to pilot Eva and prevent the death of countless people." But he didn't want to do it he wanted to stay with her. A part of him did at least and it spiked with another increase in his headache. It never stopped now, three solid hours of pain since he woke up in his marriage bed. "Can I be that selfish?"

"What about ME and your responsibilities to ME Kei? You made a promise to me on our wedding day didn't you? Are you just going to leave me here to kill my husband so he doesn't die someplace else?" Her tears wouldn't stop, how could her husband not see this? It was a way for him to be free from the pain and suffering he'd faced, to stay with her, be loved by her, to love her. Freedom!

Taking his wife in his arms her hugged her tightly and stroked her hair. "It's not like I want to leave you Miza-chan. I love you more than I can ever say. But…" He pulled his head back as Mizuho clutched his shirt tightly in her hand and pulled hard.

"But nothing Kei. If you love me than stay with me. Tell them the next time you leave them to end this. You have to make this choice and nobody can make it for you. The report said that right as the end draws near you'll have it…the shifting gets so minimal that you can chose where to go. So when it happens you come to me…come to me and they put you to sleep forever." She didn't care how appalling it sounded to have to kill your lover, if they did nothing he'd die and leave them both.

Silence gripped him as he felt the desperation flowing from his wife. She didn't want to lose her husband after finally finding him. They were supposed to be happy together now that things were better between them. How could she not try and get him to stay with her. Her sadness was his sadness and it ate at him. She had been better to him than Misato had, she hadn't hurt him, and she never would. But Misato had started to change for him, she had done things for him that Mizuho could never fathom, saved his life, gave him a home when nobody cared. Both were so special to him that it was torture to think of leaving one, but he'd have to.

He opened his mouth to speak but Mizuho had one last gambit to use, herself. She brought him into a loving embrace and they made love on the living room floor. She cooed that she could never let him go, that she was his and he was hers. It was an underhanded move but she wasn't about to let him be swayed by anything that this Misato woman might do. And if he did leave her she'd have had one last glorious memory. As she expected as she cleaned herself afterward she found her husband had withdrawn. She prayed she saw him awake again but went to get her mothers gift that went along with the report. A syringe full of paralyzing agent, if Kei didn't wake up in a day she'd inject him and his heart would stop. Painless, swift, and heartbreaking.

X-X

He wasn't surprised when he opened his eyes in a hospital bed. Mizuho's words echoed in his head that he'd be moving faster and faster until finally he made his choice. His body and mind ached with each labored breath he took. "I don't think I have it left in me…"

"I am pleased to see you awake Ikari-kun," Rei intoned from her spot in the doorway. She'd just heard that Misato had been called to the commander's office which she herself just left. "Are you well?"

Forcing his aching body into a seated positing he beckoned for Rei to come closer, it was to hard to speak aloud. When the pale girl was at his side he took her hand and tried his best to smile. "I've been better Rei, much better. How are things?" He hoped he wouldn't have to tell this girl this friend of his about his need to choose life or death.

"Doctor Akagi has told all the command staff about your condition Ikari-kun. She told us that your dreams are actually another reality and that if you do not die there you will die here." His hand felt nice against hers but she pulled it out regardless, felt unworthy of his friendship after her betrayal.

A dry chuckle left his throat, "Guess I don't have to tell you or them about this. It's funny everything was starting to get so much better and now this." He trailed off and found his gaze wandering. Rei looked different though, "Something wrong Rei?"

"Go to the other place," she said softly, "Go there and I will see to it that you die peacefully here." She didn't waver as she feared she would have. Since she heard Ritsuko tell her about Shinji's condition. After the commander ordered her to do anything and everything to insure Shinji stayed here and had the other body killed. "Leave this place and all the pain that it holds."

Having not expected such a twist, Shinji balked. "You…want me to die?" Had he meant so little to her that she didn't care if he died?

She bowed her head, "It is not that, the opposite in fact. I will miss you greatly as you are my only friend. But still I betrayed your secret to the commander." She saw Shinji's shocked expression but continued before he could speak. "He knew all along but I still betrayed you to him. I am unworthy of the gift you gave me, and as Major Katsuragi has already hurt you once I say again. Leave this place and find the happiness you deserve with this Mizuho woman, but please think of me on occasion." She didn't know why but the idea of being forgotten by Shinji pained her greatly.

Facing his upcoming death, either here or in Tokyo, Shinji found that Rei's admission didn't hurt as much as he thought it would have. "Rei-chan, my father meant a lot to you didn't he?" She nodded without looking up. "I forgive you for what you did Rei. You must have had your reasons. He tricked you as he tricks everybody." He brought Rei's hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. "You only did what you thought was best."

Her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink yet she still couldn't meet Shinji's gaze. "The commander ordered me to offer you everything I am to keep you here. He ordered me to become your lover to let you do anything you wished as a bribe to get you to continue to pilot."

It was then Shinji's turn to be embarrassed and a little sickened by his father's actions. To make the girl that was mistakenly following his orders become the slave of another to keep his scenario in order. "Rei-chan…father is sick…he's worried about humanity and to ask you to…"

"I would have." Rei said cutting Shinji off and leaving him spellbound. Her hue darkened to a rose red. "Had you not been Katsuragi's lover already I would have gladly taken the role. I care about you Ikari-kun. And that is why I want you to leave. To live happily with one that cares and not be forced to suffer." Kissing Shinji sweetly on the lips, feather light, Rei ran from the room and passed a dazed Misato. The pair stopped and looked at one another, a silent discussion raged between them about what the best action to take was. In the end Misato continued back into Shinji's room.

"I could tell you were awake by Rei's reaction. Did the commander order her to be your living sex toy too?" Misato spat out as she sat on Shinji's bed. She could see from a tactical viewpoint Gendo's motives but the man was a pig. Use anything to keep your pieces on the board even if it meant soiling them all. Better to have dirty pieces than no pieces at all. "He told me the same thing and he even rescinded my demotion for having relations with a minor."

"M-Misato…I have to tell you…" Shinji started but fell silent. He could tell Misato knew the score. He wasn't going to sure what he was going to do, and she knew it. "About everything…"

"I love you Shinji," Misato said flatly. The closed door etched perfectly in her view. "I won't lie to myself or anybody else anymore. I love you more than anybody I've ever known. I can't imagine my life without you." She blindly grabbed his arm and held it. "When Ritsuko told me about this…plan to convince you about how this world is better for you I felt disgusted by it. To try and convince you to commit suicide to stay here with us."

Her grip tightened, "But the more I thought about the days we were separated after I cheated on you I couldn't help but see how right she was. I don't want to lose you, not because you're a pilot but because you're you." Her eyes glistened with tears but she wouldn't shed them, she fought to keep her voice flat. "I know this place has a lot of bad memories for you and has pain but it also can be a beautiful place. Any place can be heaven if you try and make it that way."

His arms ached but he forced himself to hug the woman he loved, one of the two he'd die for. "I love you to Misato. I don't know what else to say but I love you too." She welcomed his embrace and let him hug her to his hearts content. It didn't always have to be sex that gave comfort and joy. This small intimacy spoke leagues.

"Shinji…you come back to me…you have to. I have so much I need to do for you to show you I'm changing for you as you did for me. It's selfish of me to ask but…come back to me." Her wish to keep her tears in check failed as she felt them falling down her face, drenching her shirt and his gown. Sealing her lips over his she felt him go limp after several moments. Opening her eyes she saw his closed.

It was time for the end of the game. If he woke up again she'd truly love him as he did her. They'd go forward together and popular opinion be damned. The door opened after Misato laid Shinji's body back into a better position and Ritsuko walked in with a tray containing a single pill. If Shinji didn't wake in a week's period of time they'd have slip the pill into his mouth and his body would simply shut down. Painless, swift, and heartbreaking.

X-X

Shinji opened his eyes and found himself in a room he'd only seen twice before. It was a school room which the first time held the memory of Kei's sister and the second Shinji's mother. Standing on his left was his mother and the right his sister.

"Hello Kei," his sister said.

"Hello Shinji," his mother said.

Alternating between the two, Shinji realized that the time he had to make his choice had come. "Hello…I guess this is the last time I'll see you both." He felt an immeasurable sadness in that. Both were taken from him way to soon and he was going to have to say goodbye to them again. "I-I guess this is it."

Yui nodded sagely to her son, "We can't try and pressure you to chose anything. You have to make this decision yourself but you must hurry as time is running out. This place will not last long and if you are still inside it when it collapses."

"Kei and Shinji will both die," the school girl finished for the scientist.

"I don't want to say goodbye to any of them. I don't want to not be Shinji Ikari," he said to Yui, "And I don't want to stop being Kei Kusinagi ," he said to his sister. "I know that now I am both but one of these lives has to end. It will be carried on in memory but the places and people unreachable."

Yui hugged her son, "It is something most unfortunate but the memories you left in the minds of those you do leave behind will be cherished."

"They will never forget you as you never forget them," the young Kusinagi said hugging Kei from the other side. "But you must go now."

Taking a deep breath Shinji saw two doors, one behind his mother and another behind his sister and knew what it meant. His choice was going to be made by walking through one of the doors. He'd wake up there and his other body would die.

"Misato I love you so much," Shinji said in his mother's direction.

"Mizuho I love you more than anything," Kei said looking over his sister's shoulder.

Exhaling deeply he knew his choice and walked through the door. When his eyes opened he found a welcome embrace waiting for him and many tears. Tears of joy for herself and her lover and tears of sadness for the woman that they knew was now doing the must painful thing they ever did. She'd think about what would have happened if it was her that had been left alone, suppress the chill that would try to steal her warmth, and hold her lovers hand tighter for the one that couldn't as not all love ends happily but for them…for now they were moving forward together and they would never forget the sacrifices made to make their love a reality.

The End

And the curtain fell on the final act

X-X

Who did he end up with…its up to you.

I want to thank you all again for reading this for so long and supporting me while I tried to keep on track. I know I could have stretched this thing out longer and added more complications and such but I didn't want to. This is how I wanted it to end. Bitter sweat.

I hope you enjoyed Divergence

Ja Mata

Zentrodie


End file.
